So, I'm male, 25, and she's 17, female. She is my best freind's wife's cousin. We get along so great. She all I've looked for in a woman: smoke/drink free, nice, funny, confident, loves my music, sporty, etc. The only problem is that she's 17. She's okay with it, and I'm morally okay with it. My worries are what others will think, mainly the church crowd that I typically spend my time with. Even her parents are okay with it. Or they were, until they talked with some of their freinds and said they were crazy and that it was illegal. And by the way, is it illegal? I think not. I looked it up online. In Indiana, the age of consent is 16, plus it pertains only to sexual conduct, which does not apply. At least not yet. We kissed so far, that's all. I certainly don't look at her as 17 or a child. As far as I'm concerned, she's a peer. I understand why laws are in place, but I refuse to consider myself a sexual predator. We have a connection, you know? Thanks for opinions.
2006-06-21 13:31:13 · 7 answers · asked by Brianman3 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It really depends on where you are in the states on whether it's illegal or not. I know Washington, where my parents live, the age of consent is 16; however, the person must not be more than three years older than them until they are 18. That goes for sex, or a relationship. Here in Aust., the age of consent is 16 years, no matter how old the other person is, but I'd recommend you look in depth into the matter. I also know, that in Washington; if you have parental consent from the younger party (Ie, the girl, in this case), and the younger party is older than sixteen, and it's done legally, it's alright; I had a friend (16), who married a 23 year old guy. Not a match made in heaven, they didn't last too long, but the relationship had problems from the start, they were never very close.
I understand how you feel, though. I met my husband (online), when I was 16. Of course, I didn't know he was going to be my husband then, but we just clicked from the get-go. Over two years of talking literally daily, sometimes for hours on end, our relationship strengthened to the point we knew what we wanted, got engaged when I was still 17, nearing 18. A month after 18; I came here to him in Australia (we hadn't met before face-to face prior to that, but you see how I know about that connection you can have with someone). And I never have gone back. He's just turned 35, I'm just about to turn 20; we just had our one-year wedding anniversary this past Valentine's day.
My parents, when they found out his age, of course had their reservations. As well as the fact that he was half way across the world from the USA. But in the end, they supported me in what I wanted to do with my life, because as soon as I turned 18, I could have done anything I wanted anyhow, and they wanted me to go on good terms.
Coming here to my husband, ignoring what quite a few had to say about the age difference, ect., was the best thing I could have ever done with my life. So don't give up. If you feel there's a connection there; it's worth the wait. Don't get me wrong, make your intentions clear; but don't go anything beyond what you have now, kiss her, whatever, yes, but I think for her parents' sake, so theyre more comfortable with you two, wait to go anything beyond that. Because it really does make all the difference in the world to have a good rlationship with your inlaws, especially if you want to make things work in the long run. You two (the girl and yourself), should talk what you do feel over with each other, and decide what you want to do, what your plans are. And then go to her parents, together. Again, make it clear, what you feel for each other, what you want together; but point out that for their sake, you're willing to wait to take the relationship any further, for their sake. It'll mean a great deal to both her parents, and her.
Also; because you are older, let her make the decisions on how fast the relationship goes from there. It makes her feel more secure, and comfortable with it, and the fact you're making the effort for her, and her parents, will improve the situation immensely.
You aren't a sexual predator. If the girl was 15, that'd be wrong. But at 17, though a girl hasn't experieinced as much as you have at 25; she knows what she wants, what she needs in life. There's nothing wrong, morally with it; so don't bash yourself over it. Just wait for her. Or if you don't want to, make damn sure what the laws are before you proceed. It will do neither of you any good for you to get in trouble for it; she will feel so guilty, feel it's her fault, so make sure.
Good luck. And don't give up on her if you feel that connection with her. It's not something you're going to find easily in life, and if you feel shes the one you have that connection with, don't let her slip away.
2006-06-21 15:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 15⤊ 3⤋
It depends on the state. This guy says the age of consent is 16 in Indiana, so this is a non-issue.
As for the church crowd, who CARES what other people think. Also remember, this kind of spread was not at all unusual even 50 years ago.
You need to be aware that 17 is pretty darn young. You are pretty much who you are going to be; she might still change a lot. I would continue to date her, but be VERY cautious about making a long term commitment until she has had a chance to live for herself for a while. I would be leery of cohabiting even, until you have been dating for some years, and I would not get married until she finishes college, if that is where she is headed.
2006-06-21 13:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Quark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was almost 16 when I met my now husband. He was 24. We dated almost 3 years. I wanted to marry but he would not let me quit school. I'm so glad now. After I graduated we had a December wedding. Lots of people told him I was way too young. But we both knew it was a real thing. We will celebrate or 35th this year. If she is mature and you are truly in love hang in there. Make her finish school. That adds to growth also. Then you could do the serious proposal and ask her father for her hand. By then you could have some money saved and be able to offer her something. It would also make her parents happy. Good luck and hope you are as happy as we have been.
2006-06-21 13:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mache 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's nuts. Your not exactly a child molester are you? Date away. It is not illegal in any state for a 17 yr old woman to date a 25 year old man. The laws regarding consent only apply to marriage and sex. As long as you and she and her parents are happy with the arrangement then God Bless!!!
FOLLOW YOUR HEART!!!!!
2006-06-21 17:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by irartist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand how u feel but if i were u to be on the safe side juss wait til she's 18 b4 u go any farther with her...
2006-06-21 13:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by angelchic1706 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not illegal to date anyone. sex is what makes it illegal. sex with a 17 year old is statutory rape. date for year, have at it after that.
2006-06-21 13:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by good knower 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
leave her alone
2006-06-21 13:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by xirekaj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋