My fiances parents hate me. How do I deal with this situation?

Question

His Mother is the type that doesn't want to let her son grow up and be an adult. She also thinks I'm not good enough for him because I'm not a size 0 (and neither is she.) I meet her for the first time last year. I spent a week at his parents house. The whole time I was there they barely spoke to me or looked at me. At dinner I'd sit there and nobody would speak to me. She had a whole list of reasons why he shouldn't marry me. When we called and told her we were getting married she kept asking him "are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Answer 1

If your fiance knows that his parents hate you - why are you being dragged to occasions with them? Why won't he speak up for you? Juat realize that if he expects them to have a place in his life, and in your future childrens' lives, you will have to learn to deal with them and them with you. If the two of you can't come to an understanding now, what's going to happen when his parents want to see their grandkids and you refuse? Who's going to look like the bad guy? Deal with this problem now before it explodes. And if he can't deal with it, then you need to reconsider your marriage to him.

Answer 2

If you and he love each other, marry each other anyway. Invite them to the wedding. Whether they choose to go or not is up to them. Try to limit the time you spend with his parents, but on the occasions that you do have to be together, always show them the utmost respect - even though they may treat you like crap. Never, ever give them a reason to say anything derogatory about you. In fact, don't even make this your problem because it's not your problem - it's THEIR problem. They are the one's with the issues.

From my own personal experience, my husband is 17 years older than I am. We married when I was in my late 30's. My mother-in-law did not approve of me (she probably still doesn't). I was too young and I wasn't Jewish. We are the only people in the family who have children. So, I guess she has to tolerate me now because I have her only grandchild.

I have never even been remotely disrespectful to this woman. It's taken about 15 years, but she's finally coming around I think. She will actually ask me how I'm doing now.

The way I see it, she is around 90 years old now and I am obviously going to outlive her. So I won.

Answer 3

girrrrl,....these are red flags ALL OVER the place. first off, they don't have to like you and don't try to make them like you. that's their business not yours. so, the real issue here is not them liking or not liking you, it's how your fiance is not being a man. there is NO WAY they should have been able to pull of making you uncomfortable. he should have made sure that you were comfortable and if not, then you both should have left. he is a Mama's boy honey.....RUNNN!!! i'm not saying that he doesn't love you or that his intentions aren't good. but, if he is not willing to redefine his relationship with his Mother NOW, you will be marrying his Mother.....NOT him. she will run your house and ruin your marriage and he won't see it coming or going. you will have divorced him and moved on before he even takes notice of what happened. you can still love him just take a LOT of time before gettin' into this. it does NOT sound good. Good luck.

Answer 4

You already realize the reason. They are not ready to give up their son. It has nothing to do with you. It would be the same no matter who he was engaged to. Wait them out, they will come around eventually. I am sure it has nothing to do with you personally. Just be as kind as possible and try not to put your man in the middle. Let him deal with them and you go with the flow. Don't give them any ammunition or let them affect your relationship. Anyways he loves you, that is the most important thing! They will come around when they realize they cannot change it. I know it hurts, hang in there, and try to forgive them.

Answer 5

Consider why they hate you and if there is any possible way to work things out with them. Chances are that this is a situation that will only continue to cause strife and grief after the marriage - not something that will go away on its own.

Answer 6

You need to find out why they hate you!

I had that problem - it was a misunderstanding and was rectified. Your partner should be the best one to find out what is going on!

If he loves you and you are getting married then his parents should accept his decision.

They should mind their own business - you are both adults. We need room to find ourselves and deal with our problems.

Good Luck! I'm sure that it will work out!

Answer 7

That is tough. Meditate and be at peace among them. There is a great book called 'there is a spiritual solutaion for every problem' it might help out.... email me and I'll get yo the author

Answer 8

You'll just have to deal with them if you plan on marrying this person. Just visit them only if you have to, like holidays and stuff. Maybe one day they'll realize how happy you make their son/daughter, you never know.

Answer 9

I agree marry him it drives them crazy. Stay away. My fiances mother does not like me either. Grab him and kiss him everytime you are around them and rub it in their faces that aint a da*n thing they can do. Be yourself and keep your distance.

Answer 10

When your fiancee's mom says these things, how does your fiancee react? Does he defend you? Does he seem to cower? Don't marry a man who can't stand up to his mom - he should respect her but he's not a little boy anymore.