She dated this awful manipulative lying bastard for 5yrs. So he knows many intimate details of her life and takes advantage of her weaknesses. She finally got past him when he went to jail.
Now he's out and harrassing her until she agrees to be with him again. He'll do anything to get her, sic lawyers, blackmail, etc. She is going to let him do it! She won't fight it! She says I deserve this, I have nothing left, no one loves me, I don't want to be alone, might as well! WTF!!! I keep trying and she won't listen. She shouldn't have to do anything yet she is resigning herself to "die". I hate her for doing this.
She's a beautiful strong person with so much to offer to a good man. How can a good man come into her life if she won't try? How can I help when she won't take it? How do I make such a horrible devious man leave our lives?
I've thought about a restraining order but it won't work if she goes to him. This is very serious and causing great distress among my family.
2006-06-21 11:01:43 · 17 answers · asked by lbshopgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
first of all, im so sorry you're going through this. i know it's hard to watch your mother break down. you need to sit her down and ask her how she would react if it was you in her shoes and she in yours. unfortunately the only thing you can do is show her how much you love her and how much it hurts you to watch her go through this. legally you would have to prove her incompetent to be able to do anything more on her behalf.
i hope everything works out for you.. and your mother.
2006-06-21 11:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by nomad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being able to identify with this because of my daughters having gone through a lot behind my ex (their Dad) in somewhat the same situations over 30 yrs, this is what I did. No one could help because it's her self doubt and low self esteem that's making her feel like she does. Ask her to do you one favor and you'll leave her along. Just say Mom, would you take some paper & a pen and sit down to write down the pro's and con's on why you want to be with this man. If she's truthful about her answers, she will not go back into this relationship. Only she can make this happen. Love shouldn't be a factor, because this is what he's going to use over her.
2006-06-21 11:30:39 · answer #2 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The exact same thing has happened to me. My mom's ex put us all through hell for 14 years. He stole from her, lied on me and my 2 brothers and eventually had us go move with our father and we didn't speak to mom for at least a year.
He went to jail while they were together and she took him back once more and he continued to steal from her, had her work to support them both and built a wall between her and the rest of the family til she only had him. He broke her self-esteem down so low that she thought he was the only guy that would have her.
He went back to jail last year and mom got closer to the family while he was away and realized everything she was missing. He got out of jail recently and is sending family members to try to persuade her to take him back but she won't because she's over it.
So my advice to you is to rise above the situation and do the best you can with your life, it's painful for a bit but your mom will eventually get tired and he will end up in jail again when he see's it's not the same.
With the blackmail and threats, no one will believe him if they know his character.
Don't forget when all is said and done to forgive your mom because just as she can't choose who you love, you can't choose who she loves either. If he is physically abusive have him locked up. Be strong and I hope everything works out.
2006-06-21 11:33:22 · answer #3 · answered by SoulFly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through because I am having the same problem. My mother has always been in unhealthy relationships. I always tell her that she deserves more than what she is giving herself, but she doesn't believe it.
You can't get him out of her life, what you can do is be there for her. Let her know you love her and always remind her how amazing she is, pray for her and be patient with her. She may never realize what she is doing to herself but it is her choice and you have to respect that. Writing to you right now I am getting sick to my stomach thinking about it. I wish my mom to would realize that she deserves so much better, it hurts I know but she needs to learn this on her own and you can be there to pick her up when she falls. I am sure this is not what you want to hear and if someone else out there has a way of fixing your problem I would like to know myself. Good luck in you quest of helping your mother love herself.
2006-07-01 18:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by vanillagerbera 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to have a family intervention with your mom. Unfortunately she can't see what's going on around her, but you guys can. She seems to have some HUGE self esteem problems. Perhaps you can get your mom to attend family counseling so that at some point she can see the light and see that she really is worthy of having a decent man in her life. Perhaps she will see that her values are misplaced - that she is taking this horrible, manipulative man over her family who loves and cares about her. I wish you all the best of luck on this.
2006-07-03 06:46:37 · answer #5 · answered by Samba Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is support her in whatever she does. She'll need you more for support than as another person to make her do what they want.
She should loose the guy, but it is something SHE has to initiate and fight for. No amount of pushing from you will change that.
The only other option is to find a better man, and happen to have hiom over during family gatherings. Be subtle!
Good luck
2006-06-21 11:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by Don't look too close! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"She's a beautiful strong person with so much to offer to a good man. How can a good man come into her life if she won't try? "<-tell her that, and get a restraining order.
2006-07-03 05:14:46 · answer #7 · answered by <3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it will be up to your mother to decide when enough is enough. This man has her mind and that's hard for her to fight let alone someone from the outside (of her mind). You can help her by helping her work on her self esteem
2006-06-30 19:35:59 · answer #8 · answered by D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to say it, but it sounds like to be that your mother is spending to much time feeling sorry for herself and pitying herself. She may need to grow up alittle. I don't think there is anyway for you to help her. She has to help herself first. Have you ever heard the saying "You can't help someone that won't help themselves"? It seems like that's the way it would be with you mom.. Sorry!!!!
2006-06-29 18:46:57 · answer #9 · answered by yankeechik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting a restraining order against him yourself. If he can't be near you, and you're living with your mom, then he'll have a hard time getting into your mom's house.
2006-06-21 11:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by fruitnroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋