Are we friends or Lovers? Is he using me?

Question

I am dating a guy who told me that he needs some time to figure things out. He tells me that he has a lot on his plate right now and can't handle a full blown relationship. Yet he calls me a lot and we end up talking for hours and hours about anything and everything. He has apologised several times for hurting me. Is he using me? Should I cut him loose or wait and see where it goes. I like that we can talk so easily. Maybe his feelings for me scared him, so he felt he needed to back off some. Any thoughts on what is going on here?

Answer 1

People who say they don't want a relationship - then end up calling you, being with you, having sex, etc are usually people who like to have their cake and eat it too. He wants the freedom of not being in a relationship, but enjoys the benefits of being with someone at the same time.
You should tell him that you wanna give him time to figure out what he wants - and whether he wants you as a girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with being his friend - but don't treat him any different than you would your other friends (i.e. no 2am booty calls). Saying he has too much going on right now doesn't make sense - if you really like someone you want them in your life, and usually having a significant other helps things because you have someone there for you.

Answer 2

If a guy needs time to figure out what he wants and doesn't want a relationship, it means he doesn't want a relationship with you. It sounds like he likes you enough to keep you on a leash and allows him to keep his options open for other girls.

If he was really into you, your long hours of phone calls won't be enough. He would want to see you and be with you for those long talks. If he's got so much on his plate, how is it that he's able to talk for hours at a time? Wouldn't you want him to take you out and talk to you for hours? He has to apologize for hurting you. If he was into you he wouldn't be hurting you! He would do everything he can NOT to hurt you.

Sure he's a nice guy and likes to talk on the phone, but he hasn't shown any other interest in you. If all you want is a phone buddy, talk away. But go find someone who really wants to talk to you in person and not hurt your feelings.

Answer 3

If he calls you a lot, that means he's interested in you and want to know more about you.
but, if he said that'has a lot on his plate right now and can't handle a full blown relationship', that means he probably (over 70%) had someone else other than you but with equal or less level of relationship, and still can't decide which one his heart really belongs to.
if you really like him, just give him more time. he really need it this time.
if you not really like him, start looking for someone new. your current guy is risky.

Answer 4

Perhaps he has a tendency to shy away from heavy involvement.It couldn't hurt to keep him on the rebound...he may come to his senses one day and figure out what the hell it is he should be doing-with you!
I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt just in case he is the right guy someday...but then again,just stay on your toes and don't expect too much from the guy.
None of us here can really tell what's going on in his life/mind...you however,should be able to read him like a book after several observations....

Answer 5

When you talk for hours about anything and everything does he mention what's on his plate. Have him confide in you as to what's troubling him. If this doesn't work, maybe he just wants you to be a best friend to him and nothing more. He sounds like he really likes you, but, wants to be single.

Answer 6

Girlfriend! Very simple, if he just wants to be friends, and wants nothing physical--and you can handle that without getting your feelings in it and your feelings involved--then do it! But honestly it sounds like you can't and if you have already been or are being physical and he is not "ready" you need to get away quick!!! That is a man who is getting the milk for free, so why would he want to buy the cow (sorry for the analogy)...feed the cow...?

Answer 7

You know what you want right??? and if you dont then you two are in the same boat. I would say screw that relationship and find a guy that doesnt have so much on his plate! If you find another relationship then he should still want to be your friend. If he gets mad then he was just using you!! Ditch him!

Answer 8

Have you had sex with him? Are you making sex convenient? If you are, he is using you. Cut him off before your emotions become too involved.
Men who respect you do not need to figure things out. It is just a line to get into your pants while the gettin is good, so by the time they tell you they figured it out, they have a new one on the string....a new sex partnter.

Answer 9

seems like to me hes only looking for friendship nothing more he seems to relate to you as a friend but nothing more than that. i really don't think hes using you he finds you as someone he can trust & to communicate with just leave it at that it just might bring you two much closer than ever this way you two can bond & get to know one another more than ever than before. this way you will be able to see him & be with him but not in the way you want who knows it might happen in the near future he just needs some space is all let him in just be a friend for now it seems like he does not know what he wants right now which is good rushing is not good thats why theres so many unhappy people in this world today we learn from our mistakes. >good luck<

Answer 10

sounds like you got you a new gurlfriend, a fembud. how is he using you? , I missed that somewhere. by talking to you he is using you? if you were putting out, I can see it being called using you, but for chit chat. he is getting to know you. tell him to get a bigger plate. or you need to move on.