I just don't understand why this is happening to me...?

Question

Hello my name is Krystle and I'm 20 years old and whn I was 17 my parents made me get an abortion and I've been with my fiance for 3 years and within those three years we have had a lot of problems with having children... I keep miscraying... So I was 10 weeks pregnant and today I was getting these cramping pains and then I started bleeding so I went to the hospital and he told me I lost the baby and that I'll have a very hard time try to make another one... But what I don't understand is why God gives babies to crackheads, teenagers, drugies, alcoholics, and everyone else... Why can't I have a baby... I don't do drugs I don't even drink... I havce a great job and so does my fiance... But why can't we have a baby... Life is so unfair... Why does things like this have to happen to good people... Me and my fiance feel like just giving up on life because of this news we got today... My fiance doesn't even want to try anymore... We want a baby so bad... But we want it to be made by us...

Answer 1

Wait, give it time. God will give you a child when it is in his time.

My Aunt and Uncle gave up trying after several miscarriages and even had a couple of stillborns births. It was heart wrenching to watch them go through that pain.

Eventually they did have a child and now they have 3 grandchildren as well.

When you have a miscarriage it is heartbreaking. Just grieve for now.

When you are ready to fully live again, have fun and enjoy your life. 20 is really young to settle down with a baby. Go climb a mountain or go somewhere fabulous. There will be time for babies.

When you do get pregnant again see about getting the doc to put a stitch in your cervix, that may help.

Also if your body heals a bit more it may help.

Good luck and God Bless you. Remember He knows the best path for both of you.

Answer 2

I am so so sorry for your losses. First, I understand the pain of being forced into an abortion as I had a similar situation. I dont think people understand what a horrible thing that is to go through and unless they have walked a mile in your shoes they should keep their ignorance to themselves.
Also, if you had your abortion in a clinic by a dr the chances that the abortion affected your fertility is slim to none.
Did the dr at the hospital tell you why he thinks you will have a very hard time conceiving and carrying a baby to term.
If he didnt then you need to find out why.
If you are having recurrent miscarriages there is testing that can be done and in almost all circumstances there is either a medical procedure or medication you can take to remedy the problem.
I dont think you should give up on your dream of having your own baby until you have all of your questions answered and you have explored your treatment options.
Luckily, time is on your side and that is so important when dealing with fertility issues.
Again, I am so sorry for everything you have been through - I have had two miscarriages and am currently doing IVF so I know the pain you feel.
Please email me if you need someone to talk to.
(((HUGS)))
Elaine

Answer 3

I'm sure you've heard this many times Krystle, but I'm sorry. It's really is sad how things like this happen, especially to those who don't deserve it. In my opinion, and I hope this may offer a little comfort to your situation, if not just ignore this and delete my comment...

You had an abortion, not of your own free will though. Now you are unable to carry a child. This is a chance God has given you to show others why an abortion shouldn't be a choice. Although you may want a child made by you and your fiance' this will show to most women who are contemplating or see abortion as an answer, that is isn't. That there are many loving couples (such as yours) and families that are willing to take in these unwanted blessings, and instead of killing them...maybe there's a chance they will rethink their decision and keep their child, to bring that happiness that you long for to a family. I know it may not seem fair, but use your situation as a testimony to other people. Show them that an abortion isn't the answer to their problems, that they have been given a gift. If all else fails though, please consider adopting a child, it may not be the same, but still you'll have that happiness, maybe even more.

Please, tell your story, and spread the word. An abortion isn't the answer.

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear that. Why is it you can't carry a baby. Do you have an incompetent cervix or other problems. Ask your doctor why you are struggling so hard. Give it some time and maybe see a fertility specialist. They might be able to help you carry a baby to term. You may have had as many problems with the pregnancy you ended at 17. Don't feel like you gave up your only chance on that child. Look through your options and figure out what the exact problem is. If you know the problem, its easier to find a solution. You obviously don't have a problem getting pregnant, just keeping the baby.... keep trying and best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I'm sure that after a bit of time, your fiance will turn around. Maybe the shock or hurt is affecting his decision at the moment. You can keep trying, you still have lots of time. I know not what you dont want to hear, but it is true. You have lots of time to get pregnant. A lot of people miscarry in the first 12 weeks...you are not the only one. As for the abortion thing, I dont think that would have anything to do with this miscarrying. Lots of people have to have them, for their own reasons, and have successfully concieved in the future! Dont let this get you down too much. You will need to grieve, there was a baby inside you for 10 weeks. It is a very sad thing to have to go through! I really hope you feel better, and you fiance as well, he was the dad...Probably feels just as awful as you. Take care! HUGS to you.

Answer 6

Maybe you need to look at the big picture and realize that every thing in this world is for a reason. Here look at it this way, you had an abortion and now realize how important a child is to you, you cannot have one of your own so why not consider adoption. There are so many children born to bad people that deserve good loving parents like you and your fiance. Maybe you are here in this life to bring happiness to a child who has never had the chance to experience it!!!

Answer 7

i'm sorry to hear about your loss... Its a hard thing to understand and deal with. I think that when God is ready for you to have a child he will help you along the way. Maybe try praying for the strength you need to carry a child and see if it helps. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and i pray everyday to give me the strenght to do the little things, or when i feel a cramping feeling i pray that its nothing serious. I dont think you have a problem getting pregnant, i just think it might be the wrong time. I do hope you and your fiance get pregnant, good luck... email if you have anymore questions or need to talk...

Answer 8

I'm so sorry thta this is happening to you! Your parents shoudl not have made you get an abortion! What you may not have been told when you got your abortion was that it sometimes makes it very hard to have a baby later on. It makes scar tissue that makes it hard for an egg to implant itself and stay attatched to your uterine lining. I woudln't give up though, it is still possible. Your Dr may have suggestions for what you can do to improve this maybe. I had endometriosis which also causes scarring, and makes it hard to carry a pregnancy, but I am 37 weeks pregnant now! miracles can happen, and when it does, you will be happy you didn't give up! Also, go to couseling if you think you might need to, it is very helpful! :) best wishes!

Answer 9

Oh Krystle, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarraiges. I've never been through it myself but I could imagine how you're feeling, which probably isn't even half of what you're really feeling. It's very unfair that people that don't deserve children and don't want them are the first to have babies left and right. Have y'all tried going to a doctor? Good luck to you and I hope that your dreams will come true for you.

Answer 10

First of all I would like to start with I am so sorry, I cant say that I know what you are going through I have not been through all that. But I am a mother and I know what it feels like to want kids. I just wanted to tell you that I think that life is totally unfair. But I also believe in god works in misterous ways. I dont think that your problems that you are having are coming from the abortion years ago. I know lots of girls that have gone on to have kids. I think that my next step would be to go to a specialist and see what they have to say. Just dont give up on life there is something that God has planned for you.