my parents hate eachother and i think they sometimes hate me too, what should i do?

Question

my parents have always fought, when i was younger i never had a problem with it, but then when i joined secondary school i talked to other kids about how much their parents argued. now i'm used to one or two arguments a day and a huge one at the weekend. sometimes the yelling starts as early as 6am. they generally makeup but now its got worse and my mum blames me for the conflicts. i personally don't think it's my fault but she seems to drill it into my head that i tear the family apart, i did my GCSES earlier in the year and i'm worried i failed as i never had any peace to revise in. i just need a little advice on how to handle these kind of situations.

Answer 1

i feel sorry for u. Trying to study in such conditions must have been a nightmare for u. Unfortunately, u can't do anything about your GCSEs results now, but your mother blaming you is really quite harsh and unnecessary. Could you stay with another family member until a counsellor sorts it out between them

Answer 2

You do have options...

You can talk to your counselor at school. Not only do they have training in dealing with your special kind of stress, they have access to your teachers and may be able to develop a plan of success for you... a place to study after school or on the weekends.

Stay away as much as possible. If you find a job or volunteer position, they probably won't get after you like they would if you just hang at friends' houses all the time, which you can also do. Plus, some jobs or volunteer positions are desk jobs where you could study.

If things at home are REALLY bad, where it is affecting your health or well-being, check for a way out that is safe. Maybe a family member lives nearby you could be with... or call social services about placement in a safer home. (Your parents are likely to feel this is to hurt them and respond with anger. Don't let that reaction keep you from making the best choice for yourself.)

Deep down, all good parents want what is best for their children. Unfortunately, it sounds like it is up to you to make sure that happens... Much love to you...

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. Here's some of my advice:

1. Chill. Don't worry, arguments are normal.
2. http://www.childline.org.uk/ has some useful advice, or call free 0800 1111
3. Talk to relations or friends at school.
4. Your parents are actually being quite sensless about how you feel. You've got GCSEs, you're young, you shouldn't have to be putting up with these sorts of things. Go to a friends house after school, do your homework in the library, stay out of the house as much as possible, and when your parents realise how awful they are making your life they'll hopefully think twice next time.

I hope this helps!

Answer 4

I think you should definitely see a counselor. Try finding one at your school or just any adult that you are close to to talk to about this.

It sounds to me like your parents have a very unhealthy relationship. Blaming it on you is just a scapegoat for them, how could it be your fault! Parents are so condescending to their children when their life is that bad and it's not fair at all. I can't believe she would make you doubt yourself like that; you're her child!

Whatever you do, don't believe it's your fault. But the fact that it's interfering with YOUR life when it's not even your problem is a big deal. You shouldn't have to worry about failing tests because you NEVER had any peace to study in.

I would also recommend you try to talk to your parents about it too. Let them know how you honestly feel and tell them the stress and worry it's put you under (not just worry for them but just worry that you aren't good enough either!) - If you don't think they'll care or they just tell you that you aren't good enough, you really need to get another adult that cares about you involved. No child should be put through that kind of experience and degraded as a value to the family.

Answer 5

This is NOT your fault. Your parents marriage and any problems within it is between them, and as their child there really is nothing you could have done to be causing arguments between them. It is very unfair they are carrying on like this with you stuck in the middle - I grew up in a similar situation and I know it's horrible.

I know this is easier said than done, but you are entitled to tell them how you feel and let them know how much their arguments are affecting you. If you don't feel you can sit with them and tell them, do it in writing, or find someone that you can trust to talk to them for you, maybe a family member, friend's parent or a teacher.

If it's any consolation, you really sound like you are intelligent and deep down you know this isn't your doing - hang on to that, because you're right. It isn't fair for anyone to blame you for something like this.

I really hope that you can find a way to talk to your parents, or at least to talk to someone else about it, just to let things out. It might be worth contacting the Samaritans. They aren't just for people who are depressed or suicidal, they are there to help with anything that's bothering you. You don't have to call either, they have text and email services now too.

Best of luck, and stay strong.

Answer 6

I totally understand. My parents (now divorced) fought constantly while I was growing up. It is so wrong for your mom to blame you. Whatever happens, always know that it is NOT your fault. It is between your mom and dad. Your parents may use you to get back at each other. It happens unfortunately. There is nothing you can do to help them. They should seek counseling. For yourself, is there anyone you can talk to? I used to talk to my grandma and uncle. It helps to talk to someone because your mind is too full of worry. Hope this helps. Believe me, I really do feel for you.

Answer 7

Do you have any other relatives that can try to explain how you feel to your parents.
You should not have to handle this on your own.
Speak to your teachers at school about the lack of peace at home & they may be able to allow you access to a queit place to study & collect your thoughts.

Answer 8

Iam very sorry to hear about your mum and dad arguing. its not nice especily if they blame you. Try and talk to them both and tell them how you are feeling, thats its effecting you and your school work. I think your mum is hurt and thats why shes blaming you i wouldnt take it to heart hun. they say "you hurt the ones you love"! and its true. when they argue go out to a friends house and study there.

Answer 9

It isn't your fault that they can't get along with eachother and your mom just wants someone to blame and unfortunately you are the target. They need marriage counseling or a divorce.

Answer 10

You should tell your parents how you feel about them arguing constantly and tell them how much it bothers you when they are arguing. Also, maybe it'll be best if you guys seek some counseling or therapy to deal with the issue.