tell me a funny joke....?

Question

i m soooo funni but have no jokes...u guys/girls got any???

i asked for a joke..not how many points i lost.....or anything else....k???

Answer 1

Arkansas 12th Grade Reading Test

No.1

M R DUCKS
M R KNOT
O S A R
C M WANGS
L I B
M R DUCKS

No.2

M R SNAKES
M R KNOT
S A R
C M B D I's
L I B
M R SNAKES

No.3

M R MICE
M R KNOT
S A R
C M E D B D FEET
L I B
M R MICE

No. 4

M R FARMERS
M R KNOT
S A R
C M M T POCKETS
L I B
M R FARMERS


Aproved by Senator Hillary Clinton
2004

Answer 2

A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he’s driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn't eat them.
.
"We can't chew them because we've got no teeth", she says.

So, the puzzled driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?"

The little old lady replies, "We just love the chocolate around them!!"

Answer 3

A man walks into a bar carrying a tiny man playing a tiny piano in the palm of his hand. The bartender says "woah that's a cool man where did you get him?" the man replies, "there's a genie outside that will grant you one wish." the bartender goes outside and wishes for a million bucks. Poof! He gets a million ducks. The bartender goes back inside and says, "that genie is stupid i wished for a million bucks and i got a million ducks." the man says, "well do you think i wished for a twelve inch pianst?"

Answer 4

ok this joke is not meant to offend so warning "what do u call a gay man in a wheelchair?" Rollaids; that was lame heres another: Your mom's so hairy when you first came you nearly died of carpet burn.Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. ok now those r funny right?

Answer 5

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me," he said, opening the gate and walking in.

After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.

Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."

After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.

Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control, jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the Devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his *** of.

"Why is it so goddamn cold down here?” Pete asks.

"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The Devil replied.

Answer 6

a funny joke is the idea of john mccain being propsed as a viable standard-bearer for the Republican Party.

Answer 7

No offense to any body's mama here is the joke
Yo mama is so stupid she took a spoon to the super bowl

Answer 8

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."

and.....

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which said "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Answer 9

a guy walk into his shrinks office wearing nothing but a plastic baggie over his junk. Doctor takes one look at him and says "clearly sir, I can see your nuts"

Answer 10

Question:
Who just wasted 5 points?
Answer: YOU!