I just don't know what to do about my 4 year old?

Question

I have a four year old son who won't be 5 until after the cut off to start school. The school tested him and found that he is too far advanced for their kintergarden program and wants to put him in 1st grade. I feel that he is too young to be in 1st grade, but his dad feels that he is ready. What should we do, or am I just being too over protective of my little man.

Serious responses only, please!!!!!!!

he's been in school since he was 2 so he knows how school works, but I just don't want him to feel pushed.

Answer 1

The biggest problems that kids have who "skip" a grade at any level is if their emotional and social development are not at the same level as their intellectual capacity. They then have a hard time fitting in socially. Not knowing your son, I don't know where he stands, but I share your concern about putting him in a class where kids may be up to two years older than him (and therefore much bigger, stronger, more intimidating). Is there any possibility you could find a school (private or parochial) with a more challenging kindergarten program or with a Montessori program where a mixed-age class might let your son fit in better? If your son is big for his age and has shown an ability to deal confidently with kids a year or two older, I would not be as worried about the scenario you describe, but I hate to think of him becoming the target of bullies. You obviously have a gifted son. You don't want him to be bored in school, but you are wise to proceed cautiously, especially if this is a public school situation. You might even want to consider homeschooling him. Ultimately, your decision can't be based either on dad's pride or on mom's fears, but on what's right for your boy.

Answer 2

It sounds as though he could be alright socially if he's been in school for a while and it will probably be easier for him to interact with his peers if they are older.

I don't think you are being to protective this is a legitimate concern. If he is 4 and going into 1st grade then he will be 15 when he starts his senior year of highschool. If he would be at all interested in sports then he would be at a significant disadvantage. If he wants to have a normal highschool relationship there could be significant barriers there as well since as a senior he will be the age of some freshmen.

The truth is that he is too young to make these decisions himself. That could be what he wants or not. I'm a college student and this year we had at least three 17 year olds, a 16 year old, a 13 year old and a part time 14 year old. They all seemed to do rather well except for the 16 year old. The 13 year old actually did quite well and I was jealous of him because I would have loved to have been in college at 13 and I could have handled it.

Honestly what I would recommend is look around for advanced private schools in your area and see if you can get a scholarship to go there. Then when he is old enough to make his own decision as to whether racing through school or being the same grade as his friends and athletic equals is more important he can make that choice.

Answer 3

DO NOT DO IT. Socially he is so much younger than the other kids. He will have so much trouble keeping his friends as they all get older. I know the youngest boy in our class has few friends as he is so young both in age and mentally and emotionally compared to the others. It is not anything he is doing it is just that he has more in common with the year below. He is struggling and he is only 6. It will only get worse as time goes on. Telllt he kinder puuting him into 1st grade is not an option and what can they do to help him. Don't feel you are been overprotective it is the right thing to do. He is too young and won't cope socially and this is just as important as his education. A happy child = a happy to learn enviroment

Answer 4

He may be ready academically but social development can't be tested for in most elementary schools. The short time they have to observe him is not sufficient to really guage his social maturity.

You can also look at this on a long term scale, as he progresses how will he adapt to the subjects being presented to him when he is almost years younger than his peers. While he may be ahead of the curve now, he may face severe challenges if he is not ready, what is merely challenging to a 7 year old can be totally frustrating to a 5 year old. By forcing him into an advanced social setting instead of being with children his own age he may miss out on key developmental stages, or be forced to adapt before he is ready.

You and your husband should be proud of your child's accomplishments, but you are wise to have doubts about moving him forward so quickly. In the long run this might not be doing him a great service. Plus, I don't understand the schools angle in this, they usually fight tooth and nail to keep out those who don't make the age cut. There may be something at play, such as them needing another child for the gifted program for additional state funding.

Answer 5

Consider this thought. Our public schools now go by a directive "Leave no child behind". So with that thought, the rest of the students are HELD back, so the slow child can keep up.

With that in mind, you really should consider HOME SCHOOL. if your child can excel, let him.

I met a young man of 16 years old. He had just completed his Masters degree, and was a 2005 Nobel Peace Prize Nominee. While still being accompanied by his supportive parents, he earned a $100,000 grant to start a public library in Kenya.

Do you think that your child should be LEFT behind, so others can catch up, or would you rather see how your child can save the world?

Be sure to socialize your child with extra curricular activities. There are dozens of programs, where children can play and work together.

Answer 6

first, congrats on your son! that is wonderful that he is a year ahead of what he should be :)

but here is the deal. when i started my first day of kindergarten, i hated it and would not go back. it's not because i didn't like the kids, but when my teacher said our main goal was learning the alphabet and our colors .. i knew it would be a bogus year. not to brag, but by 3 i could do simple math and i knew some geography. it's nothing to do with me though. my mom and my brother 'played school' with me every day from when i was 2.
So I ended up not going to kindergarten, and when 1st grade rolled around, they wanted me to go back to kindergarten! but the principal let me in, and a week into 1st grade, my teacher wanted me to be moved in to 2nd grade! however, i didn't do it. however little i was, i knew i wasn't ready, even though i knew a lot more than i should for my age.

so leave it up to your son. i was able to choose and i chose to stay in 1st grade, and i am very glad i did. i had some wonderful teachers, and i met the most amazing friends!

but i do understand where you are coming from with being overprotective. i am obviously not a mother, nor do i plan to be until i finish high school, college, and then get a good career and a husband, but if he feels he is ready, then i'm sure he will do fine.


good luck and god bless. :)

Answer 7

definitely put your child in kindergarten. While he may be advanced IQ-wise, that says nothing about his emotional and social preparation. Tests aren't the end-all, be-all, and measure far fewer characteristics than they purport to. I'd be safe and keep him in kindergarten, and if he adjusts well to school life, ask him later on if he'd like to skip a grade.

Too many people do this without consulting the child because they think the child cannot make the decision himself. Let him choose what's best for him, and always talk about how he feels about school, and talk to the teacher to see if he seems to be having fun and learning the fundamentals (which is the purpose of kindergarten).

Good luck on your choice!

Answer 8

Get a second opinion. Schools pretend to know what they are talking about when it comes to this stuff, but they really don't. They have agendas other than the childs best interest. Take him to a child psychologist or an independent testing facility. Try a nearby college or university that has a teaching program.

Answer 9

How about putting him in a Montessori school, he can go part time even, it will allow him to work at his own pace as well. He would still do the Grade 1 work.

However, he is young, and once he is in the Grade One class, no one will know that he is younger. Only you, and perhaps the teacher. I would let him try it out. Cannot hurt, you as a parent can always remove him if he is unhappy.

Answer 10

He needs to go to Kindergarten to learn about how school works and how to interact with other kids. If kindergarten goes well, maybe see about skipping a grade then. He'll already be the youngest in the class in kindergarten. And he may be smart, but is he emotionally mature enough for 1st grade?