Violent mother?

Question

For years now my mum has been violent with me. At the age of 10 she burst my nose by throwing a book at me, and since i get verbally abused and basically kept in my room under fear she will throw me out. im only 18. My bf says i should go to the police, and im sick of moaning to people about it. But all i want to do is get through my exams and then leave when i go to uni and never speak to her again. what should i do?

Answer 1

Move in with a friend or family for the summer. The fall will be here in no time and you metioned you will be going away to school. If you have younger brothers/ sisters you need to report it to the police or a family memeber that you know will be willing to take them in. Than you mother needs to seek help. Her violence is a sickness and she needs alot of help!! Stay stronge!!! An you too need to seek help. Stop the chain of violence. Make it your business not to become like her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

My first inclination is to tell you to get out of there, but where would you go. I think you should keep a low profile, finish your exams, get a little job to get some money together for a modest room or apartment until the university starts (I assume you have a 3 month break). Obviously, don't sign a long-term lease. I would quietly leave when she's not there and leave her a note just saying everything is okay with you, but you've moved. I believe having a show down with her will only make matters worse. If she comes after you, then call the police. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hon, your mom sounds like she needs to see a doctor...BiPolar left unchecked perhaps? Just a guess and I'm not at all taking her side, but she simply doesn't sound like a person who is stable or well.

As for you...is there anyone you can stay with right now and get yourself out of that situation? Darlin' she isn't going to change so you have to make a change.

I have taken in two teens who were both in similar situations as yourself, they both lived with us for over a year while their parent tried to get their act together. One mom was similar to your mom and finally she realized the problem when everyone she loved left her. She now is a pretty nice lady...but had to see a doctor and get diagnosed and treated first.

The other has an abusive step father. Things finally corrected themselves when the mom grew a backbone and stood up for her, however, she comes back every few weeks when things start to go south again at home.

My point? Find a safe place, you deserve to be able to concentrate on your studies and get yourself to where you want to go. You are heading for University soon, that tells me you are trying to create a good life for yourself. Begin by getting rid of the baggage that is harmful to you right now.

Don't close the door on your mom tho hon, she has issues that need to be dealt with and somewhere within her she is a person who loves you and can show love. She could feel very guilty about what she does but simply can't show that she is wrong or abusive. She may have come from the same kind of environment...whichever it is, she needs help and if those she loves are driven away...she just might wake up for a change.

Talk to someone in authority...it doesn't have to be the police, it can be a social worker, doctor, priest/minister...get yourself into a stable environment and then you can deal with your mother...

Take care hon, I wish you all the best in getting this worked out.

Answer 4

Well, at least you have a friend to confide in and talk to about this. Me? My mom was also as verbally abusive as can be, but this made me shy and withdrawn. I didn't get along with anyone, and was angry at society for most of my childhood, angry at the law for not doing anything to stop it, and angry at bystanders for seeming to not care. I've kinda got over the blaming, though. Since you are old enough to leave now, I am happy for you. I have seen posts here of ones much younger who are going through the same thing. They don't have very many options right now, nor did I, but you can leave! When you do, I wouldn't forgive her. Parents, worldwide, need to learn that abuse of a child is an intolerable thing. I'm still suffering the affects of what my mom did to me, how she treated me, and am quite a loner, but you, if you ever have your own family, if what your mother did is truly angering to you, you can deny her the right to visit you and your new family. That's what I dream of doing. Definitely endure and avoid leaving until the time is right, when you have everything squared away, though.

Answer 5

To be honest now that your 18 the police are less likely to do anything. However, you should try to get some counseling. Be careful with your bf that you don't become dependent on him which may lead you to another violent situation. If your going to college congratulations and try to see how you can save money to be able to go out on your own. When you have time try to see if you can organize your thoughts and think about realistically what are your options. Unfortunately, too many young girls in your situation take rash decisions that put them in very dangerous situations. Forgive her not because she deserves it but because if you don't your going to let her control you in an emotional level forever. I can't tell you to understand her because you might never but as you analyze things more you'll realize that forgiving her you'll be able to start rebuilding your broken spirit. BY NO means do i think she's right for hurting. God Bless you Please stay strong

Answer 6

I suggest that you seek help from close relatives, get in touch with a woman's aid organization and also call the police. This is very difficult but you have to do it because you are still young and have the future ahead. I feel sorry for you as I also have an abusive mother although I am now 35 and live in my house. She does not hit me but vents her anger at my sister and I, have thrown bricks at my house, calls me terrible names and swears that my sister and I die. My mum is a compulsive gambler and has been addicted to sleeping pills for more than 20 years. To this day she has not changed so I hardly keep in touch with her (yes, it's very difficult). You have to be very tough to get through this but I am sure you can! In the US, I would think you can get social services to get you out of the house away from your mother ...?

Answer 7

My Mom was the same way I was the middle child with an older and younger sister. Neither one of them ever got into trouble but if they did something I got the blame. The first thing I can remember is her threatning to kill me when I was four years old. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. My Mom would take off her shoe and beat me in the head with the heal. She would cut branches off a tree and beat me with them. She would backhand me in the mouth with her rings always causing my teeth to bleed. I left home at 17 to get away from her. It took me years to build up my self esteem because she always said I wasn't worth anything. I have a good heart and I love people and animals and would do anything I could to help others. I don't know where I get that from but it wasn't from her. She is in a nursing home now and says she don't remember treating me that way but I really believe she remembers some of it. As you get older you will learn to forgive but unfortunately you will never forget. Good luck honey.

Answer 8

Why did you let her take you through this for so long? You are 18 now so it is time for you to just get out and do something for yourself and get away from her! She is still your mother so don't totally lose contact with her but just focus on yourself. This is a very important time in your life right now! Go to college and get your degree, she will get what she deserves in time! Email me I would like to talk to you more on the subject! [e-mail]

Answer 9

Your mom shouldnt be treating you like this - on the tip of the day your her daughter and it shouldnt matter that your ill she must be there to assist you with the aid of each and every thing. Why no longer telling yet another family contributors member and getting some advice or shifting in with them for a at the same time as. You dont deservce this and you shouldnt ought to submit with it whether you're ill. there'll be some sort of help available which will help people on your concern you in user-friendly terms ought to locate it. attempt asking your well being care expert he perchance waiting to place you in touch with people. sturdy success and dont permit this save on!!

Answer 10

Try to find somewhere to go or you might not make it to take your exams. I know how you feel because my mother was the same way. She has always abused me emotionally. Your best bet is to get out and be free or you end up doing something that you might regret.