last night. I won't go into details but it was pretty serious and I said something I didn't mean to say. Anyway, he only told his father THAT much of the argument which is crazy. So I go to explain to his father what happened. When I do this, my husband will say "well, I don't know what happened because I wasn't there" (all well and good BUT I'M TELLING HIM WHAT HAPPENED) - he says this after I tell him...
Okay - what does that sound like to you? He's pretty much saying he doesn't BELIEVE me -- is that what it sounds like to you? He's done this on so many occasions and I hate it. He doesn't like controversy and that is fine but ..... what do you think about that? How would you feel if you told your spouse something important between you and your teenager and he just says "I don't know as I wasn't there" --- would you ever say this to your spouse?
2006-06-21 04:29:04 · 14 answers · asked by butterfliesRfree 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Alcohol was the biggest part of this issue - his dad had to KNOW.
2006-06-21 04:39:36 · update #1
I don't think that means he doesn't believe you, but you're definitely right that he is avoiding controversy. Unfortunately, with a teenager in the house, there will be plenty of controversy, and you will have your share of arguments. It's normal for a teenager to start to question his/her parents' authority and way of doing things, but this is also the stage when you and your husband need to show a "united front" whenever issues are raised with your teenager. You won't be sending him the right message if the two of you don't agree on the message you're sending him, and if only one of you is sending the message and the other one is avoiding it, then you two are not sending the same message. I think you should sit down with your husband, start by saying you are very concerned about this... and tell him why you would like him to get more involved for the sake of your son.
2006-06-21 04:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are the facts. You are an adult and DON'T have to prove right or wrong. What you say is the law in your house. You do not have to involve your husband if he feels the need to only observe. Don't argue, you are the parent. Say what you want and say it once. Arguing has a snowball effect, by the end of it you end up with stress and nothing is resolved.
Take the zero tolerance approach. If your son yells, that doesn't mean you have to. Talk logic, not stupidity, he can, but you don't need to. It takes practise. I can actually get my male chauvenist, husband from the old world to see the world through my eyes at times.
2006-06-22 08:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by peppermint_paddy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had the same problem with my ex-spouse. I finally told him that he can take care of the two boys and that when I come home at the end of the day I would tell him the same thing he continues to tell me. He needs to except what you have to say as the truth and not question it and then maybe you all need to sit down once a week and have a family meeting and discuss what's going on. I found this very helpful with my family.
2006-06-21 11:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a teenager myself, I know what you are going through, I have not had any issues such as this, but I will tell you that if your teenager sees that you and your husband are"divided" on these topics, who do you think he is going to run to every time something happens, seems to me that your problem not only lies within your teenager but your husband as well. You have to be a team and stand together on this, even if you disagree do not disagree in front of your teenager. They will feed off of that, just try and work it out with your husband first. He should always support you and your decision anyhow. Good LUCK! Sounds like you may need to try counseling sweetie.
2006-06-21 12:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by slf620 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it's hard being a parent to a teenager. I had loads of problems with my daughter because she would use her father against me or use me against her father. It was a test between the parents really. It's also a stage you have to go through. You want the best for your child. You have to go through all the stress you are going through now by arguing back and forth.
It does get better as they get older. So don't get discouraged. You are doing what you hope will help them in the future. Keep up the good work. These kids are our future. You have to guide/direct them to do the best so that they can carry out their responsibilities in the future and live a life that's good.
2006-06-21 11:41:19 · answer #5 · answered by fran c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you get him to read some basic books on parenting?
That parents should not fight each other and should rather back each other up in front of the kid is a major rule, I thought.
He should know that you are this child's mother and want your child to stay out of trouble and succeed in life, as much as he does, and while not supporting you when the kid comes running to him ( Which is another pointer that there is something wrong with your husband's attitude. This kid thinks that Dad is going to help him when he is fighting against Mom!) is an easy way to keep once peace of mind, easy ways out are not always the best ones.
He needs to rethink as to what is more important? Instilling the right values in the child when the kid is at the thresshold of adult life( That's when kids stray, get into drinks, drugs,guns and what not) or trying to maintain the soft dad image? And does he want his kid to come to him 20 years down the line and say to him, " Dad, Mom was right, but why didn't you support her when you knew she was right? why didn't you stop me when you saw me going wrong?"
2006-06-21 11:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by shrek 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be many reasons he responded like that:
- because he bought into what his son said about the arguement,
- because he does not want to get involved,
- because he positioning himself to be in better favor with your son
- because he does not like you,
- or some personal hidden agenda
I would feel terrible if this happened to me. Parents really need to show a commitment to right and wrong with children and be consistent.
One way to possibly avoid this situation in the future would be to talk with your husband first about what the two of you will say to your son and then all three of you discuss it together.
Good luck!
2006-06-21 11:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jim G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like hes just not wanting to get in the middle of anything. If the fight was between you and your teenager, then leave it between the 2 of you UNTIL or IF your spouse wants to include himself and questions you. I wouldnt say your spouse doesnt believe you but he sounds alot like the "good parent" parent where he dont want to upset you or your teen so he just says, I wasnt there. Leave it at that and continue to talk to your teen...tell your teen you dont like it when he tells his dad only part of the arguement because hes making you out to be the bad person and you werent the only one who was arguing----
2006-06-21 11:36:16 · answer #8 · answered by heavensent41770 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually,yes.i have done this to my spouse.It has caused a great deal of conflict in our family.Our daughter makes good grades,is 14yrs old and in my eyes did no wrong.My husband on the other hand found out some things and tried to tell me so we could deal with them but i didnt want to hear any bad about her.My eyes have now been opened and it is hard for me to deal with her because i have been blinded for so long.Me and my husband now work as ateam and really listen to each other when it comes to her.Hope you are able to get him too open his eyes b 4 its too late and your son is too far gone too help.
2006-06-21 12:34:06 · answer #9 · answered by melissa_froggies 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kid got the last word in by getting the father on his side. Its a battlefield, honey. Lick your wounds and live to fight another day...they are both being stubborn now...don't let it steam you up.
Some things are beyond reasoning.
2006-06-21 11:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by FreddyBoy1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋