My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years. I'm expected to tell him everything- where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm with, where I'm having lunch, and I STILL am always "hiding something." Yet when I find out something he's hiding (which I did last night!) it's no big deal and I need to just "get over it!" Guys, help!!! What the hell is your mindset!? Why do men have all these double standards?!?!
2006-06-21 04:05:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Not all men are like this. You should ditch this paranoid person and find someone that trust you.Then you can hide whatever you want. lol ( just kidding)
2006-06-21 04:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is because most of them are totally insecure about themselves! If you are being totally true to him and yourself, then you have no need to explain every detail of your life when you are apart from him. He just wants to control you and make sure that you have eyes only for him. Little does he know that by being this way, he is only gonna make your eyes wander.
His insecurities make him feel like you are too good for him and he is worried that whilst he isn't with you, you may see something that looks like a better offer. Try to reassure him that it is HIM you want and that you aren't hiding anything - why would you?? You may have to persevere for a while but he should get the message eventually! If he doesn't then I would say give up and let some other poor girl be controlled by him. You deserve better!!
2006-06-21 11:11:24 · answer #2 · answered by Tatsbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This type of behaviour does not apply to all men. In fact, most men don't act this way at all. The problem you're experiencing is with this particular guy. Sounds like he's controlling and insecure. Most controlling people are that way because they don't feel comfortable if they aren't directly involved in everything going on in their life. They need to have their "finger on the pulse" of everyone and everything that matters to them or they begin to feel lost and out of control. In your case he also sounds insecure. He's acting like he believes you'll cheat on him as soon as you get the chance. That's why he's asking for every detail of your day - so that he can sift for any inconsistencies and "catch" you in a lie. That way, he feels in control again by making sure you won't cheat. What you need to do is sit him down and talk to him. Reassure him that there is no reason for him to feel that you might cheat on him and so there is no reason for him to know every detail of every day of your life. If he doesn't understand that then you could tell him that his other option is that he should live by the same standard - telling you about every detail of every day of his life and see how he likes it. My guess is that he won't. No matter what though, you have to talk this out with him. If you don't solve it now, it sure isn't going to get any better if you get married. Good luck.
2006-06-21 12:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by stinkeenudz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, pay attention to that NOW. It will not get better. My husband always knows where I am, who I am with etc but he still asks me 10,000 questions. Always wants to know who I am on the phone with, what we are talking about-he is usually sitting beside. But, it is OK for him to be gone all hours of the night, lay out of work b/c he did not get home in time to leave and things along those lines.
Marriage does not makes things like that better, it makes them worse.
2006-06-21 11:11:35 · answer #4 · answered by Elle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have the double standard; it is a concept not exclusive to a particular sex. Your boyfriend is an insecure douche bag with control issues. Dump him and see for yourself. If he comes to take you back, you need to redefine the rules. Put him on his knees!!!
2006-06-21 11:12:39 · answer #5 · answered by no_cheapthrill 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dating a control freak. if you want every minute of your life controlled stay with him, but a lot of times they become abusive to you, either mentally, physically or both. No one needs to know everything you do, or who you see, ect. How was your day, any problems, ect, if you say it was fine that should be more then enough.
2006-06-21 11:09:49 · answer #6 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE is a Control Freak!! Tell him to get over it! Tell him you need him to trust you because you are feeling like he doesn't trust you and that is a big lack of communication.
2006-06-21 11:10:25 · answer #7 · answered by Jane A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most the times we have a one set mind, we only trust ourselves. We sometimes ( O.K. all the time) find it hard to trust others. He is being rather unfair focusing on your secrets than his. Tell him how you feel and if he still doesn't trust you, he might not deserve you.
2006-06-21 11:11:17 · answer #8 · answered by Soul Man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby, maybe he's insecure " you must be hot " to make him ask you all those questions? the only time when we ask so much questions, is only when you ladies say one thing and do another?
best answer.....ask him....what's wit the 20 questions? and if he answers " idon't know " maybe his momma must of drop him a lot when he was little...lol :-) smile, it's free. Don't let us get under ur skin.
2006-06-21 11:16:45 · answer #9 · answered by Zoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, not all of us have double standards. it sounds like he is extremely insecure, and doesnt trust you. Personally..i would count my losses and get out before i lost my sanity. Without trust, there is nothing..
2006-06-21 11:10:06 · answer #10 · answered by satangrimoire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋