How to punish an 11 year old boy.?

Question

I have tried grounding him from playstation, TV, Computer, and going out to play. I have spanked him maybe 2-3 times over the years and would like to avoid that. He gets in trouble at school for talking back to teachers and trying to show them up constantly, also horseplay with others and talking until he gets in trouble after being warned. He gets good grades (A/B's) exceft for an F in conduct every quarter. Now he got kicked out of school for argueing with a teacher. What is a good serious punishment I can really get a point across to him to stay out of trouble? (Other than kicking his butt)

Answer 1

My son is 11, and about a year ago his mouth began to open and smart off to me, and sometimes his dad. He never has a problem with this in school though, thank goodness! We just became very strict with him, you can't wait 5 years to tell him who dad is though, because then he will just laugh at you. When my son goes over board and needs punishment, we strip him of everything, EVERYTHING in his room. Then he has to earn it back with good behavior. Like showing 2 days of being respectful to his teachers in school, he gets maybe his bedframe back... and so on. Get letters from the teachers daily so you know this is true and he hasn't made it up. But you have to stick with it. Things have improved alot. My son would get really bored in school and he would just slack off, but still made straight A's. We had to make the teachers challenge him, because if not I was afraid he would slowly give up. YOu as a father also need to spend alot of time with him, just in case you don't.

Answer 2

Certainly "Kicking His Butt" will only reinforce inappropriate behaviors.

How do you communicate with him? Are you a single parent? What are his motivations to get those good grades and those that cause the inappropriate behaviors? Is he heavily influenced by peers? Have you ever considered counseling, an indepth probe into why he acts out often?

Perhaps "punish" is the wrong way to proceed. I'd first begin a diologue with him,,, likely at his pace and non confrontational in nature. Ask those questions about why, IE: "what do YOU think, causes you to act out?" It may be that he is far less mature than 11? It may be that his behaviors and immaturity, alienate him from his peers, who might be a better influence, and it may be that he has a following, who not only enjoy a proxy situation involving misbehavior, but encourage it as well?

Communication first, disciplines appropriately after. BTW,,, Deprivation is also a pretty weak tool, used as a discipline.


Rev . Steven

Answer 3

I noticed the problem right away. You said you only spanked him 2 or3 times. I am a firm believer in spanking your child. If you want to avoid spanking, then you will always have a problem. I speak from experience. I have been around kids who are not spanked and they are so unruly, but you can tell a big difference in those who are spanked. I am not trying to brag, I am just telling you the comments that I get about my children. Wether in a restaurant or mall or store, I get a lot of comments on how polite my children are. My 10, 8 and 4 year old always say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir. They have respect for others and for themselves. I am not a perfect parent by any means, I just am telling you what I know works. If you have never spanked your child on a regular basis when needed, I don't know if you should start now because they won't know how to respond. It sounds like he needs to learn the hard way.

Answer 4

I raised one son - anytime there was trouble with him, I learned early on, my only real choice was to reason with him, otherwise we'd both be very unhappy campers. Reasoning with him didn't mean that I always agreed with him or let him have his way. I merely sat down and discussed the problem with him the way I would with any adult - respectfully.

I've often been told that the only reason things worked out with him during his formative years is because he was my only child. But I disagree - I've personally seen this work with many other kids in families of more than one child.

My nephew, for instance, who is often a handful for my sister seems to always settle down and listen when I sit him down and talk with him one-on-one (which means: without the attitude that it is my way or the highway). However, he adamantly refuses to give-in to his parents who both firmly believe that the only way to get through to misbehaving kids is some form of punishment.

I find that kids these days are often easier to handle when you go the extra mile and exude a genuine respect for their feelings and their point of view. This can sometimes feel like the harder thing to do but you have to consider matters in the long-term. Years from now when your son is an adult himself, how would you rather he recall his childhood years? A time that his father took the time to understand where he was coming from (even when you didn't agree with him) or a time when dad was too busy in keeping the peace and in appearances to understand why he was doing the things he was doing?

Just the thoughts of someone that's been there, done that, and decided a different approach was necessary. Whether or not this is the way for you and your son, I sincerely hope you find a solution that satisfies you both.

Answer 5

Take away his playboy, no seriously has this been going on a long time? It could just be a stage, sit him down ask him what is making him unhappy. My daughter was a hellion in grade 7 and 8, was suspended at least once a week. Once puberty was done with, she grew up and started acting more responsible. Once she hit high school, she was a totally different kid. On the honor roll and not in one fight with students or teachers. Takes a lot of patience but hang in there

Answer 6

there is not any longer some thing odd about an 11 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old crying at the same time as he receives a shot. photos damage and some human beings in simple terms cry at the same time as they get damage. i'm particular you'll cry back in some unspecified time sooner or later contained in the destiny. Does that propose you've a psychological difficulty?

Answer 7

Punishment is a little extreme...you need to help your child. If you punish him for being bad, then he is going to get the mindset that he is just bad and he will not likely change. Try rewarding the good behaviors and encourage him to always do his best. Make the Playstation games, etc. a privilage for good behavior...but stop using the word punishment. If you make him think he is bad, then he is going to be bad. Period.

Answer 8

Try using a reward system instead of a punishment system.

I find telling them from your heart how disappointed you are because you know that they are so much better than that often works.

Give lots of encouragement and praise for good behaviour.

It sounds like your son just wants attention and he may realise that he has a choice between 'good' attention and 'bad' attention.

Make sure you stick to any punishments you set too.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Sounds like he is not being challenged. If he is arguing with the teachers and trying to show them up, he may be bored with the subject matter or the learning/teaching style.

See if you can get him into the enrichment or gifted program. Stimulate his mind, and give him something else to do instead of arguing.

Answer 10

Talk to him like a lil man, let him know that he is growing up and that he needs to start acting right! If he wants things in life he needs to earn them, and going on this way will get you no where. I also think that maybe an anger management class may work , you may try it! If he wants to be repected and wants thing then he needs to earn them and that starts with his behavior!