Good punishment for 11 year old boy?

Question

I have tried grounding him from playstation, TV, Computer, and going out to play. I have spanked him maybe 2-3 times over the years and would like to avoid that. He gets in trouble at school for talking back to teachers and trying to show them up constantly, also horseplay with others and talking until he gets in trouble after being warned. He gets good grades (A/B's) exceft for an F in conduct every quarter. Now he got kicked out of school for argueing with a teacher. What is a good serious punishment I can really get a point across to him to stay out of trouble? (Other than kicking his butt)

Answer 1

OK...here is what I hear Dr. Phil say about kids like yours: you have to find out what his "currency" is....what does he cherish the most. You strip his room to nothing but a mattress and put away all of his other things until he can understand his behavior has a direct result on his currency. (read his book)

Also, sounds like you have a smart kid who is bored in school and gets his work done then distracts others because he's ahead of the game. Ask his teacher to give him something 'special' to do if he just behaves during class because others may not learn as fast as he does.

Jim Carry (comedian) was said to be a teachers nightmare because he wanted to make everyone laugh. He cut up all of the time. So a smart teacher told him he could have 20 minutes at the end of the day (that's how much time she spent correcting him all day long) if he would be good for the whole day. He was. And during his 20 minutes he could do what he wanted to make everyone laugh.

Be creative with the kid. I think his spanking days are over at that age. You're a good parent for being concrened for him and seeking a solution. Pats on your back!

Answer 2

That is a tough one. It sounds like you've been doing the right kinds of things. I have a 10 year old, and I have not yet done much grounding, because it seems like that tactic will be more important in a few years than now.

Perhaps it would be effective to tell him "look, getting suspended from school is completely unacceptable, you know that right? And I need to think about this because I'm not sure what would be an appropriate punishment - what punishment do you think I should give you?" And his response should be helpful, I mean if he immediately says 'oh! take away playstation' then that may not be an effective punishment. On the other hand if he says 'you could make me clean up the garage' there may be something there. Whatever he says (including saying nothing) tell him "I'm really not sure and I need to think/pray about this" I think it's ok to indicate that you don't have an automatic answer for this situation and that you need to think about it.

Ultimately, perhaps a good punishment would be 2-3 hours of age-appropriate physical labor like yardwork. And it could be ideal to have his tasks be near to some other chore that you're doing, so you can reinforce that you love him and that he doesn't have to get in trouble just to work with you! ;-) Good luck!

Answer 3

instead of punishment try spending more time with him. i am not saying that you don't spend time with him i am just saying spend more time with him. take him with you when you go to town or just hang out with him.punishment doesn't work on every child. it sounds like he has a lot of pent up anger. spending time with him might help you understand what he is angry about. you will be surprised at what your kids will tell you when you are just hanging out and talking.bring up situations that you have had to deal with explain how maybe you didn't handle it right, what were the consequences,what you could have done and what you will do next time.then tell him how you handled a situation great and what the outcome was. if he sees you dealing with problems without getting angry he will learn from it. he will also learn to respect adults by the way you treat each other. children aren't angry for no reason. find out what the teacher does that he feels the need to argue back. TRY REWARDING THE GOOD BEHAVIOR. we all want to hear what we did right or good. brag on his good behavior. i worked in an elementary school for six years, i met so many children who just needed their parents to be on their side. Good luck and remember it isn't easy being a parent. he really needs you to help him. i am the mother of an 18 year old boy and a 21 year old girl. it isn't easy to always do the right thing. do the best that you know how to do . pray everyday for help in doing the right thing. god bless you.

Answer 4

threaten him with non-violence. Such as threaten to take away everything he loves until he's better, maybe only outside time is home schooling and psychiatrist, mental health doctor. There are ways to make his life a living hell in this way. NEVER EVER EVER tell him to go to his room because a child's room is like play time. tell him to stay in the kitchen or so for grounding where he will be bored out of is mind and not able to do any thin EXCEPT what he has done to deserve this punishment

If all else fails, military camp almost always works (only as a last solution though)

Answer 5

Here's another thought. Maybe he's bored in school because the work is to easy for him. You say that he's trying to "show up the teacher". Have you had him tested? Maybe he should be bumped up a grade or two. If this is the case then the harder work will keep him challenged and give him something to concentrate on other than stirring up trouble. Good luck!

Answer 6

This sounds like a kid that is somewhat intelligent. Try to get the kid to learn more by getting him interested in something. Don't ground him from all that stuff because that makes it worse because if he uses the gadgets then he'll have things to think about and not talk back to teachers. Let him go out to play so that he can get good exercise because exercise keeps your temper down and makes you emotionally better. Try to stretch out his capabilities by engaging him in something because then he'll have something to think about and he wont talk back to teachers and all that. I'm a 17 year old and I've went through those phases so I know how it feels as a kid. Maybe you should try to talk to him and see what his opinion is on everything.

Answer 7

Take away the PlayStation indefinitely.

Only give him books for entertainment.

He will never see cable EVER unless you feel it's important for him to see.

Give him toys that help his mind like Lego's, play dough or books on how to draw anime or manga. Tools like markers.

Give him intellect gear.

Make him eat oatmeal every morning, take vitamins and give him a new word to use with a sentence on how he's going to be a nice student today.

Take him to 1 movie every month or 2 weeks if he is good in class and shows improvement socially.

Go jogging with him, throw a ball with him and get into the mind that is your son.

Answer 8

Sounds like he needs to get into sports or martial arts for self discipline and attention. He's not getting enough recognition somewhere in his life. Spanking never works. He's already old enough to think for himself. You just have to guide him with enough information to get him to choose the right direction. Be more down to earth when you talk to him. Tell him that the class clown gets friends, but rarely gets the girl.

Answer 9

Sometimes the only solution is kicking his butt. If I do something wrong my parents kick my butt and I'll never do it again. I'm pretty sure my parents don't like wacking me. But I'll be totally honest, if I did something bad and the punishment was just no TV, I'll just still watch TV and do it again.

Answer 10

Have you thought about taking him to see a child psychologist? My daughter has acted out before and I have found that there was an underlying reason for her agressive behavior. You'd be amazed at some of the things that go through children's heads. It also helps for them to have someone to talk to other than their family and friends.