He does work full time and so do I. We have a seventeen month old boy. I get home from work and will ask him to keep our son out of the kitchen so I can make dinner and two seconds later our son is running through the kitchen between my legs and trying to play with everything in the cabinets. I dont really mind him playing but our kitchen is not big enough and I'm afraid he's going to get hurt. I also can not get him to help me with chores. He will cut the grass and thats about it. I have to beg him to change the oil in my car but, he wont let me take it to a mechanic. I try not to nag I know thats annoying. I'll ask him to do something and his answer always is I'll get that tomorrow. My other problem he dosent really show any interest in our son. We get home at 5:30 and our son likes to got to bed at 8:00. During this time my husband will ignore him and watch tv or play his PS2. My husband also work weekends so he dosent get to see him then either.
2006-06-21 01:47:12 · 17 answers · asked by skittles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just wanted to add. That the rewards thing I've tried. Also, our son likes to play the PS2 also or at least pretend but my husbands says he's in the way. When I play it I also give my son a controler that is not really plugged in but he thinks he's driving. About the not cooking that dosent help because I still have to feed my self and our son.
2006-06-21 02:44:25 · update #1
All I can think of is to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. Remind him that you both work and you both need to share the chores and familial duties that come with having a family. You can nag him, but it will do little good. Just take your car to get the oil changed if he won't do it. Next time he just may get off his butt and do it himself...especially if he knows you will take the car in. If he won't do the chores, tell him that you will have to pay somebody to do them because they need to be done by someone. (these are guilt trips rather than nagging--sometimes they actually work!) The tough one is your son. When you talk to him, tell him that his son misses him and needs the father/son interaction. If he doesn't, he will be missing a wonderful period of the short time that you both have to spend with him. You may have to suggest getting a Big Brother to give your son the encouragement and masculine role model to follow. It really sounds like your hubby has a drug problem or at least has had one. Amotivation is a key symptom of that. That can stay with a person for the rest of their life! Your hubby needs to grow up, quit acting so immature and selfish and begin the process whereby he becomes a true man, husband and father. If you do sit down and have this talk, he is going to probably lash out at you verbally and try to nitpick at you and your errors. Try to keep the conversation on task and let him know how much you love him and how you are only trying to make the best of a tough situation. I hope something in here helps you, good luck!
2006-06-21 02:03:59 · answer #1 · answered by originaltigger61 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drastic measures are necessary here!! The man doesn't "get" that you have two jobs; outside the home and taking care of him and the baby. He's rotten and you continue to take that crap and you'll be doing it all of your life.
When he doesn't help watch the child, don't cook. That will grab his attention. If he doesn't change the oil, take it to the mechanic anyway, and tell him later. Accidentally lose the video game. This man is being selfish and needs more time with his son. However, he can just be with him, and not entertaining him constantly. Maybe you can suggest something he could do with the child while you cook. Take him outside and go for a walk; or look for bugs; or weed the garden. Whatever. Get them out of the house. Make him understand that you word also and don't have anymore time than he does to devote to the family or chores.
2006-06-21 02:39:23 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband really is lazy. For some reason he doesn't fully appreciate the effort and work you're doing around the house.
My suggestion is a work/reward system.
If you want him to change your oil, say something like "You know what really turns me on? A car with a fresh oil change."
or
"If you could watch our son so I can get some work done they'll be a special treat when you go to bed tonight."
You get the idea. I don't know a man alive who wouldn't be motivated by that.
2006-06-21 01:59:36 · answer #3 · answered by Coz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to him with the car, if he wont help keep the car from being a death trap for the child which is HIS SON as much as your that someone needs to. Tell him he needs to bond with that baby B4 the kid ends up hating him . and also he needs to at least keep the baby when your in the kitchennear the hot stove to keep your baby safe .if that don't work, seek a marraige counselor
2006-06-21 02:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by Mark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about putting dynamite up his backside, or have his favourite treat on the end of a stick which he will always follow and lead him round like a dog being trained.
2006-06-21 01:55:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Motivate your husband by showing him affection. Men will resent even their wives when sex is pretentiously replaced with house chores.
2006-06-21 01:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by obadote 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy. After your child is in bed, sit him down and explain to him in a nice way how his lack of help and cooperation and motivation affect you. Ask him if he can try to be more helpful and motivated and if he cannot, why can't he? Once you find out why...it may lead to something else you need to work on or discuss. It's quite possible he just doesn't know what your feeling and how it all impacts on you.
2006-06-21 01:54:49 · answer #7 · answered by J Somethingorother 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the Making Marriage Work teaching series @ http://www.enduringtruth.org/catalog.asp item # 771776 and it will help you both to see how to work together as partners for a better marriage.
2006-06-21 01:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by Martin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop cooking for him, Stop cleaning his clothes, Stop sleeping with him, basically stop everything that's a perk of being a husband until he decides to take the responsibilities of one.
You're pretty much dealing with a child here, act accordingly.
2006-06-21 01:54:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like he and you both need more rest being tired all the time can wreck heck on a marrage ..hope this helped
2006-06-21 01:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋