How to respond to a 8 feet tall monster with a chainsaw coming at you screaming "I will KILL you!"?

Question

Urgent!

Thanks for the help y'all. Apparently none of the tricks worked... Mad scientist is no more, This is his brother Bad Scientist speaking. Keep sendin' in those suggestions as our familiy now doesn't have very good relations will the neighbour monster familly.

Answer 1

If nothing else, you'll definitely be killed! =P

1. "What did I ever do to y..oh, nevermind."

2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me!! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!?"

3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do?! I'm ready for you now!!" *Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger*

4. "And she's all 'F.Y.I., he's so into me and not you.' and I'm all 'Yeah, right, whatever.' Oh, I'm sorry! Did you say something?"

5. "Why do you have to be so mean?!" *produce fake tears and throw a tantrum*

6. "Uh, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEP!!!" *take off running*

7. *cackle with laughter* "You sound like a girl ! Hey honey, come listen to this guy talk!"

8. "My dear monster, I must say your manners are quite poor. I have just the thing!" *put on record and sing along* 'Please - say - please - and - thank you for saying thank you!'

9. "Are you a joke? Clearly you're a joke!"

10. "I'm sensing some self-confidence problems. I hear they have an excellent psychiatric ward at a nearby hospital, and while you're there, maybe you could have them do something about your nose."

Answer 2

I'd assume (since you're a mad scientist) that this monster is something you created. Provided you are in your lab with the monster then the best advice I can give you would be to grab anything and everything in sight to use against him. Grab whatever beakers you have arbitrarily lying around and hope one of them is filled with some type of acidic substance. Aim for the eyes.

Since it is your lab then surely you know where everything is. Granted, you are a MAD scientist so the chances that you are a RATIONAL one is pretty unlikely. But if you are, then it is a safe bet that you have prepared yourself for such a situation. If the monster is your creation then I don't think you would be willing to destroy it. So hopefully you have a tranquilizer gun somewhere within reach. A few darts should do the trick. If you manage to sedate it then chain it up as much as possible and wait for it to wake up. Try to reason with it and find out why it wants to kill you. Hopefully the two of you can work things out.

But hopefully in the future you'll know not to let monsters play with chainsaw's.

Answer 3

Well I'm a girl so this is what I would do: I would rip off my top layer of clothing so I'm am just down to my underwear. Then I would run through my backyard while the sprinkler system is on towards the woods. I would continue to look back so I can slow down my running and also so I don't see that log directly in my path. I would then trip over the log sprawling on my face. I would then flip over and crawl backwards on my elbows begging for my life! Alas, all would be in vain since I will then be be-headed by the chainsaw. My head will then fly off with a lot of blood spurting in very slow motion. My body will then fall backwards as the monster gets a close up view of my boobs. Does that sound about right?

Answer 4

You know,living in Nigeria for 25 years showed me some of the serious cultural differences between how a white person and a black person would deal with personal threats.
Your typical white babe will stand rooted to the spot,screaming her head off until said monster cuts off said head.
Typical white dude would stand there trying to see what brand chainsaw the monster's waving at him so that he can run his big smart mouth and while he's there getting ready to say something sarcastic about it,he gets the same end result.
Typical Nigerian would either run like hell,or they'd stay right put,(sensible enough to take a vantage point beyond the reach of the power cord,) whip out their ever handy bottle of either anointing oil or holy water depending on their denomination, pronounce "THE BLOOOOOD OF JESUS! I'M COVERED BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS! I REBUKE YOU IN JESUS NAME! HOLY GHOOOOST ,FIRE!!!!" and then blast away in other tongues until the nasty critter either goes up in flames or decides to repent and live for the Lord henceforward.
(Nigerians are a very practical and resourceful people on the whole.It's a crying shame that a few have managed to give this hardy and diligent race a bad rap.)

Answer 5

As the monster surges forward, the prey drops to his knee and deliberately grips his Glock 45 caliber in both hands. Arms extended, aiming for that spot right between the eyes, he squeezes off a round. The monster sways as the bullet pierces his skull. Before he can hit the ground, three more rounds hit his chest. The gunman slowly rises from his crouch and walks over to the fallen beast. Kicking him soundly in the ribs, he rages, "Kill me? It's not that easy, is it?"

Answer 6

Tell it that it would hurt me more to see a forest being destroyed, then point it in the direction of the nearest forest, and let the forestry comission/park ranger deal with it!

If the monster doesn't buy the "hurting trees will hurt me more" story, I'd get in my car and drive away. Quickly.

Answer 7

I'd squeeze in somewhere where an 8 foot tall monster won't fit. Far enough in, so the chainsaw can't reach either. Otherwise, I'd use my lightning-fast reflexes and my pocket-knife to gut the S.O.B. before he can get his chainsaw in position to hurt me.

Answer 8

Scream like a girl,throw some useless objects at it then run up stairs and hide in a cupboard,but be very quiet,or it'll find you,so shh!

Answer 9

Shoot him multiple times if you have a gun. If you don't, ask him "Why do you want to kill me?". Give him 0.5 seconds to respond, if no response, run like hell! Do not attempt to wrestle chainsaw out of his hands...I repeat, Do not attempt to wrestle chainsaw out of his hands. Good luck and godspeed, my friend!

Answer 10

Use the bathroom in your pants, run like hell, and cry for help

Unless you are feeling particularly brave that day, and then get really pissed off, get YOUR chainsaw, and fight back.