2006-06-20 20:55:31 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was
difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following
day. The husband checked
into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and
without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's
son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared
for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
2006-06-20 23:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by sb 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
A young lady went to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.
She
spotted a box full of frogs with a sign that said Sex Frogs $20.
Complete instructions included. Money Back Guarantee!
The girl looked around to see if anyone was watching her and whispered
softly to the man behind the counter, I'll take one. As soon as she
closed
the door to her apartment, she read the instructions.
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog on the bed.
Following the instructions exactly, she quickly got into bed with the
frog.
Nothing happened. The girl was totally frustrated and quite upset.
She reread the instructions and noticed at the bottom of the paper it
said,
If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store. She
called
and was told by the salesman, I had some complaints earlier
today. I'll be right over.
Within five minutes he rang doorbell and was welcomed in. See, I've
done
everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits
there,
said the frustrated girl.
The salesman picked up the frog, stared directly into its eyes and
said....
Listen to me froggy. I'm only going to show you how to do this one
more
time!
2006-06-20 23:34:02 · answer #2 · answered by geri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't think the following is a funny joke, but nevertheless a meaningful one. Here goes...
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice
compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old
witch?
Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....Things are going to get ugly!
2006-06-20 22:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by Beachboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a British girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
God Bless British Women!
2006-06-21 04:30:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two old men decided they were close to their last days and decided to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them,They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl
was dead!" "dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was
loving her!"
His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would you say that? "Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out of the window!"
2006-06-20 21:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anne A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Millions Of Stars
Two guys, Joe & Bill went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Joe wakes his faithful friend and says, "Bill, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Bill replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked Joe.
Bill ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small, and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Joe?"
Joe is silent for a moment, then says, "Bill, you stupid moron, it tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
:)
2006-06-20 21:01:27 · answer #6 · answered by Purplgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dog goes into a pub, jumps up on the bar and says
"A pint of your best bitter please mate"
The barman looks astonished and says
"Don't be so stupid, your a dog, now get out and don't come back"
The next day the dog does exactly the same
"A pint of your best bitter please mate"
The barman is getting annoyed and says
"I told you yesterday, your a dog, now get out and don't bloody well come back"
The next day, the same thing happens. The dog jumps on the bar and orders a pint of bitter. The barman, now fuming, says
"I told you yesterday and the day before, your a dog and if you come in here again, I'll nail your sodding paws to the bar. Now get out"!
The next day, to the barmans amazement, the dog came in again, jumps on the bar and says
"Have you got any nails mate"?
"No" says the barman
"Good, then I'll have a pint of your best bitter please"
2006-06-21 01:14:25 · answer #7 · answered by Somer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me," he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control, jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the Devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his *** of.
"Why is it so goddamn cold down here?” Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The Devil replied.
2006-06-21 07:28:37 · answer #8 · answered by RACHEL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi cave a look at the questions I've posted you will find some good jokes there
2006-06-21 00:43:13 · answer #9 · answered by tone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sven saying England CAN win the world cup
2006-06-21 01:24:50 · answer #10 · answered by axely1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋