Hello. I've noticed how many christians are constantly emphasizing leaving and cleaving so you can have a healthy marriage. Honestly I don't really understand the principle. How does dumping your parents and siblings result in a healthy marriage? I'm very close to my twin brother and parents and if my husband ever made me choose I would probably resent him rather than see him as a real man for "stealing" me away from my family.
Also how everyone exphasizes putting your spouse first. Thats ok but what ever happened to compromise? Since when did acting like a dictator and expecting your spouse to focus only on you and forget everyone else, even those that he loves, be good for a marriage?
2006-06-20 19:56:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Your spouse isn't supposed to make you choose between your family and him. But what it does mean is that your spouse should be your first concern from now on. You are supposed to support and love your spouse. It doesn't mean you dump your family though.
Example:
His mother constantly puts you down. Your husband is supposed to stand up for you. He has to put you first before his mother. You are his wife and life-partner. He is supposed to stand by your side. He can still love his mother, but you must always come before her.
2006-06-20 20:01:04 · answer #1 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This doesn't mean completely abandon your family... what it does mean is that your priorities change.
Growing up you listen to your family, you go to them for advice, comfort and support. When you get married, the primary source for those emotional (and spiritual) support becomes your spouse.
In a healthy relationship, putting the other person ahead of yourself is a two way street. This isn't about lording over your spouse... it's about giving up selfish considerations out of respect for your spouse. (Yeah guys, that means when your wife doesn't feel well, you should skip going out with the boys and stay home and watch the kids for her.)
What is important to remember is this: Marriage is about each other. you love each other and take care of each other. Isolation and control is not healthy... but if you are honest with each other (and faithful to each other) cleaving (or clinging) to your spouse will be easy and leaving your parents won't seem like such a shock... after all, you can still see them whenever you want.
2006-06-20 20:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by Rev T L Clark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leaving (in that venacular) means turning your back on, and "cleaving" means to honour / hold on to / respect. I agree, I do not think God's words tell any of us to turn our back on our parents...even for our spouse. Our parents are to be honoured, respected and cared for. Have you ever noticed how many nursing homes are in the United States and Canada..? Yet, abroad, in Europe, the Baltic countries, Eastern countries...they don't have these 'homes'...the elderly STAY with the children AND their families...until they die. This country is too much of a 'throw away' society. Your parents took care of you when you were new, and you should care for them when THEY are old. If your spouse doesn't see this...then God will bring down his WRATH on your spouse (my opinion)....and you should NEVER allow your spouse to disrespect your parent...but you should also never allow your parent to disrespect your spouse.
But, remember...that respect is EARNED...and some people never learned it growing up...so they don't even know how to show it...let alone earn it ---(actually they probably DEMAND it be given them...when there is no other way for respect to come except for it to be "given".)
I digress
2006-06-20 20:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In reply to your email to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse means exactly what it says. Your relationship with your parents will be changed in the fact that your soul-mate and confidant must be your spouse. They must come first in your life under God. That does not eliminate a relationship with your parents--the Bible is also clear on "you are your brothers keeper" and our obligation to care for our aged parents. No spouse is to act like a dictator-the Bible tells them to treat their wives as Jesus did the church. They are to honor and respect us as well.
2006-06-20 20:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that poor lady in the coma in Florida? This was essentially the debate.
She had married, which meant her husband had the rights over her care (or lack thereof) but her parents wanted to fight him.
It doesn't mean you never see your family again. You're right, that's stupid and unreasonable.
It means that your husband becomes your most important family member, not your parents or your siblings. He is supposed to come before your family.
But in a reasonable way. If your husband wants you to watch a ball game on TV and you want to go see your brother's new baby in the hospital, duh. Go see the baby.
2006-06-21 07:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by Gevera Bert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In general sense of the word. To cleave to your wife to take care of her and your children is your main priority. Your siblings have their families to take care of too. Your parents have each other. Your father has to cleave to your mother, his wife. Your brother cleaves to his wife and family. Your father cleaving to your mom is good or else he will cleave to some other women.
2006-06-20 20:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not mean that you must forget you parents. As your parents did before you, they fell in love and married. they started their own family and had children. You are one of their children. You to will meet someone, fall in love, raise a family, and the cycle continues.
Cleaving means joining together as one flesh in marriage. I hope this will help you.
2006-06-20 20:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by CEM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to become one with
2006-06-27 04:44:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋