i need help with my four year old daughter?

Question

my ex husband and i have joint custody of our four year old daughter, when she is with him he lets her get away with every thing and so do his parents, so when she comes home its really hard on me when i don't let her get her way, she tells me she likes daddy's better cause he lets her do what she wants. I spank her but i feel like i'm being made out to be the bad guy here and i love my little girl, what do i do? will she always want daddy more or realize that i love her and thats why i don't let her get her way about everything??? HELP!!!

Answer 1

eventually, she is going to realize more that Mom loves her more, and that is why she isn't allowed to do things that she shouldn't be doing anyways, as for her dad, and his parents allowing her to do what she wants, it's thier way of trying to make you look like the bad person in all this which your not, your doing the right thing, by standing your ground and punishing her for doing things at home that she knows she is not allowed to do, and if her father were a real father, he would be abiding by your swishes, but apparently he is just trying to cause problems between you and your daughter, Please don't let him, stand your ground, and make sure she understands that Mom loves her, and eventually she will realize that Mom is a better person to be around then Dad

Answer 2

I honestly do not think spanking her will help her or you, but you can set some rules and speak to the father and the grandparents about what the rules are and ask them to help you so that they at least think you are counting on them to do what is best for your daughter, it will not be easy but keep in mind that the only way to work out a situation like this, is to be nice to the family and your ex and know that they probably will let her get away with stuff you may not approve of and the only thing you can do is to always let her know you care about her and you are doing in for her own good and never talk bad about her dad and the family because this will only make you look bad,

I had a similar experience with my first

Answer 3

I guarantee that she comes home searching for the big black lines you draw because that is what kids crave. They thrive in safety and when you're allowed to live without lines then there are no feelings of being taken care of. Of course she will come home with the nonsense about not wanting to be with you but keep up the good work. You are her only stability and don't try to compete with the idiot head her Dad is being, you can't and shouldn't. She will learn to respect you if you do the same back and don't be scared to demand that she not talk to you that way. You love your child so be a good parent and don't fall for it or your kid doesn't have a chance. A good parent draws the lines and lets their child know what behaviour is expected. If she's being agreeable, praise her and do something fun. The minute she tries the BS about her Dad and wanting to be with him, let her know that you're glad she loves her Dad that much and leave it at that. She's looking for your reaction so make it a positive one and let her know that you love her too but you won't be screamed at just because you can't cave in to her every demand. Don't add "like your Dad does". As she gets older, if you don't bash her Dad infront of her, she'll get it. Little ones will say anything because they don't understand how deeply their words hurt and big kids will say it so you can reassure them it won't happen. Use it as an opportunity to let them know you love them even if they react in an unloving way. Don't let her disrespect you though in your own home and never let her think it's an option to live full time with him. I wouldn't even say it out loud one way or another or it opens that can of worms and she'll jump on it. Maybe she's still mad you split up and her sense of stability is gone. Lines and reassurance are great gifts to give.

Answer 4

I went through a similar situation. If possible talk to your ex and let him know how important consistency is in raising your child. Ground rules and punishments should be the same at both locations. If communication with him is out of the question, let your daughter know that these are the rules at your house. You may also be able to explain to her that other people (i.e. society) also expects her to act a certain way, too. This may encourage her to carry on your rules at your ex's. As far as you being the bad guy, children need and crave rules/boundaries. This is how they grow. And it doesn't hurt to tell her you have rules because you do love her. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

I'm getting divorced. The parents MUST agree and be consistent or it will only hurt the child. I speak from experience. Additiuonally if spanking isn't working create a time-out chair where you can place her (one minute for every year of age) if she get's up the clock begins again. Then explain to her why she was placed in time out. Kids are really smarter than we give them credit for. I have a 7 y/o and a 3y/o. I'm no expert, but I'm not clueless either.

Answer 6

Hold out she will eventually figure it out. Remember she also thinks Barney is real and that Joe on Blues Clues is really talking to her.

Even couples who are raising their children together have this problem cause as the previous person said mommas boys, daddys girls.

And usually when some is letting their child get away with everything it is beacuse they are not paying attention all the time and it is just easier to let them run around loose as apposed to teaching them manners and the whys of stuff.

Answer 7

she probably gets away with alot with her dad because she lives with you and visits him? so he's probably trying to make up for that. both of you need to be consistant and don't feel bad about that. have you tried talking to him about how hard it is on you when your child comes home? you two as parents need to talk and get on the same page about things but as long as she's getting away with stuff with dad that she doesnt at home she'll always say she likes dad better. she will eventually understand that you only do the things like discipline- because you do love and care and want what's best for her, but that will probably be a long way down the road. i hope this helps you at least a little. my ex and I have a 10 yr old and we went thru that. you just need to stay consistant.

Answer 8

There's no need for spanking, specially if she can go to her daddy and complaint about you hitting her, then you might lose her. You need to sit down and talk to her dad, and make him realize how much damage he's doing to his kid. If you don't stop him, he'll create a little brat that will try to underestimate your authority at all times by telling you that she likes daddy better than you. You also need to talk to her and make her realize that daddy does that to get on her good side, but that's not good for her. You'll be amazed how much she understands at her young age, but you do need to talk to her more and explain that daddy wants to make the time they spent together special, but that doesn't necessarily means that she should try to take advantage of it.

Answer 9

Hey! you make the rules in your house, and your daughter needs to understand what mom says goes. I can almost guarantee that when your daughter is older, she will realize that her mom was going the best that she could, and that her mother loves her dearly or she would not have been so "strict" (i'm sure your not too strict) just put your foot down when she is home, the dad is just trying to be the"good" guy not realizing that he is doing more harm than good. You are doing the right thing, keep your head up, i know its hard! good luck!

Answer 10

Definitly dont make her feel like she is in the middle of a tug or war with you and her father. I think the best thing to do is to discuss with him that it is really hard for her to follow your house rules when she gets home from visiting him because he lets her get away with more things. Explain to him that if he is looking out for her best interest that he will discuss with you a discipline plan that you can BOTH compromise on and enforce. It will make it MUCH easier on her if she doesnt have to juggle two sets of rules at two different places! You and her father need to try to be on a united front and try to work something out as far as discipline and rules go! Good Luck...! =)