Will it work out? Or should I leave while I still have the chance. He is a very nice guy and he makes me feel very good about myself. When he is having good days, it's like we're on top of the world. But then he has bad days and it can be so difficult to see him hurting. I guess I have never had daily contact with someone who has depression. Can you make them feel better on the days that are bad? He is on medication, but when he takes the medication it makes him have very bad days. What should I do?
2006-06-20 16:25:47 · 19 answers · asked by yadirajosie 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
get him put on a different medication
2006-06-20 16:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - I believe that it is absolutely possible to be in a romantic relationship with someone who is clinically depressed. I have been married for almost 8 years and for the last three or so I have been on several different medications to help me get over my depression. I also have my good days and bad days... I really think it depends on how committed you are to the relationship and how much you love him. My husband does not always understand why I am depressed, especially when it seems like I have no reason to really be depressed, and I know that comes from his love. I have asked him to leave and be free from this disease I have, but he refuses. I know that it is hard to love someone and see them hurting, but again I believe that it depends on how much you have invested in the relationship. Those who answered forget it, too much trouble, move on, etc. should think about the fact that they may have a disease that renders them less than perfect some day. Would they want to be left because "it was too much trouble" or want someone to be beside them in the good times and bad???
2006-06-20 23:36:20 · answer #2 · answered by hazenzoo12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the medication is not making him better he should consider a different approach, There is no reason why you cant be with him though. As long as you accept that he has a mental health issue. but he can overcome this. Has he talked to a therapist? Maybe its not just depression. Tell him you care and you want him to get the help he needs because you care and it hurts you to see him unhappy. Maybe that will urge him to look at other options.
2006-06-20 23:31:56 · answer #3 · answered by ChrissyLicious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there! There's nothing you can do for him on bad days - I know because I've tried. My ex still calls me all the time and the only reason I put up with it is because he has NO other friends and I'm afraid of him doing something irrational. I can't have that on my conscience.
What you need to do is take a look at the situation. His depression will affect your relationship and there will be times when all he does is bring you down. I know it's hard to see someone you care about hurting, but there's really nothing you can do to "fix" it. What you need to decide is whether or not you want his depression to become one of your problems to deal with too. It's really unfair to you, regardless of how good he makes you feel when he's having a good day.
Let me tell you a story. When I was with the exbf my good friend Rich died very suddenly and it looked like suicide - I was very distraught. I was so distraught that I was calling all my male friends Rich by accident - I couldn't help it - he was constantly on my mind because I was hurting so much over losing him and it was still unclear as to why he died. Well, I accidently called my ex "Rich" and he got mad at me, he was almost yelling at me. Instead of being understanding and consoling me and trying to cheer me up - he was angry that I called him the name of someone that I thought had killed themself - he was not thinking of my feelings - he was thinking of his own.
I'm just telling you this because depression makes people irrational at times. I myself have had problems with depression, but I've been able to successfully deal with it on my own without the use of meds or therapists.
Do what is in your heart and you will never go wrong if you love him - stay with him, and if you decide to stay with him know that it will not be easy and that he must overcome his depression on his own. You can be there for him, but you will not be able to "heal" him.
Good luck, hun! :)
2006-06-20 23:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Melissa♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to be in a relationship with a depressed person. My roommate in college dated a guy with severe depression, and although it was very difficult, they got through it and are going to be married in a few months. It took a lot of patience on her part, though, and when he was so depressed that he couldn't get out of bed, trying to force him to have fun only made it worse. Now, nine years later, they are both doing great, and will be married soon. Good luck.
2006-06-20 23:46:51 · answer #5 · answered by rubydoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's possible. Perhaps what he needs is someone in his life to show him love and companionship. Having a girlfriend who really cares about him and shows it could help him feel better over himself and try to beat the depression.
And about his medication, he really needs to tell his doctor that his medicine make's him feel really bad some days. It may not be a good choice of medication for him and they should probably switch him.
I've tried about 5 different antidepresants but now I'm on one that works great. Me and my boyfriend are doing wonderfully and Im feeling alot better about myself.
2006-06-20 23:30:24 · answer #6 · answered by nazihalo_x 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to his family and his doctor but if you really feel something for him and you're strong enough to be in this kind of relationship then you should just try to help him get through his depression and make him very happy at every chance you get don't get frustrated if you feel you can't help him everyone has their bad days he just has them more often.
2006-06-20 23:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by Kandie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He maybe needs his meds reevaluated. but ask yourself if it is something that you can deal with cause it will always be an issue. It is not his fault and it is just as hard for him as it is you. He would probably give anything not to fell that way or to stop the up and down. But if he could stop it he would. Just always remember that when hes down its not your fault or his so don't get angry cause it does get old after awhile it gets old for him. If you don't think you can deal with it I would get out be for it gets to serious and it Is to hard to leave it is not easy being depressed or dealing with some one who is depressed. Just try to listen and be understanding that is the best thing you can do for him.
2006-06-21 00:18:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am talking in pure biologic terms. I am sorry! You need to consult his doctor. One third of depressed people get completely cured. Another one third get worse even with electroshock and drugs. Remaining will have swinging moods. You'd better to have a feeling about his progress in long term (if you are in a deep love with him)
2006-06-20 23:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by sshahraz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly care about him, talk him into going back to the doc and telling him his meds are not working correctly. Tell him you'll go with him.....Depression is a serious illness but can be treated effectively.....I know, I have had it for years and went through hell to get on the right meds.....Like I said, if you truly care for him (as long as he is not abusive to you) hang in there....Good Luck Hun!!!!
2006-06-20 23:31:24 · answer #10 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are questioning this now, then there is already doubt. I personally would not want that in my life. You are not obligated to put up with that. You may care about it a lot, but decide if it is really worth the hassle
2006-06-20 23:30:11 · answer #11 · answered by noggle4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋