how do i stop my kids?

Question

how can i stop my two kids from fighting one will be 3 june 28 and the other will be 2 jan 29 2007! they fight over everything i have tryed to teach them to play togeather but they wont!!

Answer 1

A couple of ideas -

1. Get the book "Siblings Without Rivalry." It's a classic and really a worthwhile read.

2. Stay out of the middle of their arguments. Unless someone is really bleeding, stay out of it.

Kids will argue and fight to get your attention and typically as a parent, you've only caught part of the information so when you jump in and scold or protect one, you may well be wrong in your assessment of the situation.

An example from when my kids were about the same age:
They were in the playroom and on opposite ends of the room. The younger one (about 18 mos) hit her head against the wall. She rubbed her head and was truly fine, until she saw me in the doorway. Then she pointed to her sister, started crying and said "Heda!" (her sister is Heather).

Heather looked up and said "mom, I didn't touch her." I told her "I know that." Had I not seen the entire thing, I would have only heard the little one cry and assumed the older one had indeed whacked her.

3. Don't allow tattling. Your kids are really too small so at best you can ignore it for now (meaning..don't dish out punishments). You want them to be best friends, not arch enemies. Our rule was that I only wanted to be told IF someone or property was really in serious danger AND if they told me and I had to punish someone AND it wasn't really that serious, the one telling would share the punishment.

For about a week, when one would come to me, I'd say "stop and think. Are you willing to risk sharing in the punishment?" Usually she'd say "uh..no" and walk away. This will work better in about another year. In the meantime for trivial things you can just say "okay."

Keep in mind that most 2 year olds really are not ready to share and 3 year olds are not much better. Allow them each their space and things they don't have to share. This applies to friends to. They shouldn't have to share everything. Imagine how you would feel if someone said you have to share everything!

Sometimes siblings have a lot in common and sometimes they don't . My girls are 20 months apart and very different. When I stopped expecting them to be the same and treated them as unique individuals, things got a lot better. At 17 and 19 they are a lot closer sisters. They still don't hang together but they do love each other and when it counts, they run to each other.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Im dealing with that myself. My youngest two are 3 and 5 and they are either best friends or fighting. I have spanked, taken toys away, put them in their rooms or seperate ends of the house but they still find the time to fight. I know some of it is a part of growing up siblings, I fought with my younger brother afterall, but yeegads as a parent its just nerve wracking and drives you bonkers doesn't it? Payback perhaps?? Anyhow...my counselor suggested that I sit down with my kids and make a list of rules on poster board and then we decide together as a family what the consequences for the actions will be. The key to this is to follow through with it though. She suggested consequences like an earlier bedtime, no t.v. for a day, you know that with toddlers that's a big thing! Taking a favorite toy away or something like that. I told her I will try it and we're going to do this as a family on Thursday night. It's gonna be hard I'm sure since Im the main one at home with them during the day, but I'm hoping in the long run that it will calm my nerves and they will realize that I'm serious and choose their battles a little better. GL!!!

Answer 3

This is an on going battle with my two boys who are now 8 & 10 and since they were young I started putting them in time out which helped a bit and I would explain to them that they are brothers and they should be nice to each other. Now they are given quiet time to get away from eachother.
At ages 2 & 3 you are just the referre but try to seperate them and give them seperate activities to do in different rooms away from each other.
Too much time together like 24/7 is too much.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Figure out what "matters" to them. It may be a special toy, time outs in their bedrooms (without toys), special food, story time by you or dad. Then teach them a "catch phrase" that let's them know if they don't stop what they are doing, they are going to lose what matters to them. It can be "uh oh, that's not nice" or anything you chose. Then when they are fighting, use the catch phrase and enforce the loss. My suggestion is an immediate consequence for a child that age, like the time out, or removal of anything they are fighting over. But remember, it has to really be something that upsets them. That's what makes it effective. Always be empathetic and firm.

Answer 6

I have two.Jan 1 and another Jan 2 they are a year apart.
male and female 9 & 10
Guess what....They still fight!
lol

I have tried everything to make them stop and nothing has helped. As they have gotten old they show more love toward each other but the smallest thing can cause them to fuss and fight with each other.
I think it's a normal thing all kids go thur. Just make them stop and as they get older it will get better....
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Try to keep them seperated and distracted by giving each of them something to do. For example ..John take this yellow crayola and draw me a picture of a cat....Sally you draw a picture of a bird.
Offer them incentives...I know they're small but tell them if they act good and don't fight they get a "special sticker". You can go to the dollar and get a whole box of stickers for a dollar, or you can say M&Ms or something else instead of stickers.
Don't worry it won't last long. My 2 grown kids are 22 and 24 and they grew out of it. No wait....no they didn't ! ha

Answer 8

my two older boys are 18 mo apart and my little girls are 3 yrs apart. What I found that worked with both was teaching them to help each other. Like making it the older ones job to help the little one get their clothes on. Or making it the little ones job to help the get the crayons when it is time for the other one to color. Or having one make sure the other got a cup of milk etc. Just little things like that made them feel like they had a responsibility for each other.

Answer 9

hi mom, i always found it easier to buy one of things which made the kids play together like big balls, and one electronic game where its only fun to share. than give a time table on play time.

also if that dont work the kid who dont share will sit in time out much more than the other, sharing is a must since that's the only way to live in the real work. good luck.

Answer 10

Play fun games with them be the example, Have a money hunt; like a egg hunt, but in one room of the house.Play colored eggs; that where you are the mother hen you need a big bad wolf dad or friend, the kids are the eggs they pick a color whisper in your ear the color like 'yellow' The big bad wolf says " I'm the big bad wolf" , you the mom a hen says" what do you want"The wolf says" colored eggs" moma says " what color?" The wolf says Green" moma no we don't have any . wolf says yellow the eggs take off and run around a spot pick out all ready like a tree. the wolf chases him, if tag he is the wolf.