My husband and I really love each other.But on our honeymoon,(two weeks ago),he said he wanted to have about 10 kids.He also told me that he wanted me to be a stay at home mom.(He wants lots of kids because he is a rancher and he thinks he can use their help.)Don't get me wrongI wouldn mind having 3 kids but 10 is just to much.I really love my husband but I dont think I could stand that many pregnancies or so much sex.I dont really think he can support such a big family right now.What should I tell him?
2006-06-20 14:15:37 · 37 answers · asked by Iamagirl 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
tell him what u've just told us!
2006-06-20 14:17:33 · answer #1 · answered by Angie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Large families used to be the norm for ranchers and farmers, but the reasons for large families just don't hold up any more. While children might help out as they grow up, what are the chances in today's world that they would expect to stay on the farm once they are an adult?
Also, there is the balance of finances - would staying at home be financially responsible? Does he actually make enough money, and expect to keep doing so, that you can afford to stay at home?
Would you be able to stay at home with the kids and still support a growing a family?
Finally, be honest with him. You both want to have children - that is the first major hurdle. Give yourselves a little while to yourselves, and then start feathering the nest one child at a time.
Just my opinion.
2006-06-20 14:31:03 · answer #2 · answered by karenrena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him as soon as they figure out a way for men to carry the babies, you will knock him up as many times as he wants! But in the meantime, it's your body and he's gonna have to deal with what you have to offer. Besides, this isn't the 19th century, he can hire people to help him on the ranch. If he can't afford hired help, how much does he think 10 babies are going to be?? Also, if you feel like being a stay at home mom just isn't your bag, let him know up front. Just because you're a married woman doesn't mean you belong to him and he gets to control what you do with your life (it still kind of belongs to you, you know?). Like I said, not the 19th century!
I am surprised you never talked about kids before you two got married!
2006-06-20 14:23:52 · answer #3 · answered by Queen D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he cannot support a big family and that you are not a dog who can have a litter of children at once.
If he led you on before marriage then you can get an annulment for "irreconcilable differences" because you did not know he was going to be psychoed on you with the 10 kids theory.
Really, 10?
That is sick, in this day and age, even one child is way too much on the budget. Unless he is a freaking multi-millionaire, that is still too much.
Talk to him.
If he still stands by his decision- RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!
2006-06-20 14:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooooooooooo so sweet. I had dreams like that. That sounds awesome, but if you are you don't want that, then say so.
However, I may be wrong but I getting a different vibe from you. Offcourse you can handle that many kids... what may be a concern is the financial part. The sex part is easy. Just do it only 10 times in 12 years, (LOL) not 10 times a month like us crazy 2 kids parents. I am sure you would be really happy.
Besides they say its cheaper by the dozen. hey how about I send you 10$ to start.
It's a decision that must be doen together. It's hard work ahead.
2006-06-20 14:21:50 · answer #5 · answered by moved 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This probably should've been discussed prior to marriage, as these are vastly different life outlooks! If he is hellbent on having 10 kids, you need to make it clear that you are not the woman to provide that. If being a stay-at-home mom is not an interest to you, you need to let him know that you will not be the woman to fill that role. Since this was never discussed before, it is not fair for you to get mad at him for feeling this way-- he always has but you two never thought to talk about it. If these are the true desires of his heart, you two need to look into counseling and you may end up seperating.
Or you could just wink and say, "Let's just take it one kid at a time, honey."
All the best wishes. I wish you would've known what you were getting yourself into PRIOR to the wedding.
2006-06-20 14:21:29 · answer #6 · answered by answer gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty of course. Also - Calculate some math for the 10 kids. Let's say you could be pregnant every 10 months (which you can't...so this number will be stretched out even further), you'll be pregnant and have other kids to take care of for the next 8 years of your life! Forget vacations. Forget going out to eat. Forget peace and quiet. And just think of all the money you'll need for college for those kids. Times aren't like they used to be. He can hire people to help with the ranch. Seriously...just go add up the cost of diapers for all those kids and see if he's still on board for 10 kids. Good luck!
2006-06-20 14:28:54 · answer #7 · answered by LoveChild 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him well talk after the first one is born and he is running on one hour of sleep and he has to go to work still. I know that I sound a little short on men but they just think that it is that easy to have ten kids then how come they are not doing it. I my self want a large family of atleast 5 and I know where your husband is coming from that is what all men want a large family there is nothing to be scared of he is really only gonna want maybe four after you get those mood swings just take a deep breathe and dont worry.
2006-06-20 14:22:23 · answer #8 · answered by gina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please...after the first child is born, he'll be so in love with that child, and then add 2 more..he'll have plenty of things to do! After the 3rd, have an IUD (birth control) put in place, so you can't get pregnant again and he'll eventually get the picture when you say you think your having a hard time getting pregnant again because it's God's way of telling you that your body has had enough!
2006-06-20 14:23:52 · answer #9 · answered by allisonndionne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now that it's after marriage, let him know you cannot picture having so many kids. In the past when technology was less, you needed lots of kids to run a ranch or farm. Now that technology makes machines do so much more of the work, you really need just a few smart kids :) LOL
Anyway, let him know it is important to find a good compromise here (and that compromise might just be 3!!)
Good luck.
2006-06-20 14:21:27 · answer #10 · answered by Wondering 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its just a statement he spoke for a moment and didn't really mean it. I guess its not necessary what he thinks or he told during your honeymoon, he will stick to his own lines later. Once he sees you going through the pregnancy stages, labor pains twice-thrice, he'll change his mind. Its that when you are on your honeymoon and are enjoying sex and intimate relationship, you feel like you want to have it again & again which can result in lots of kids.
2006-06-20 14:30:38 · answer #11 · answered by Smiley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋