I need a funy joke 10pts?

Question

No momma jokes real jokes
10 pts

Answer 1

So there was an american, a black guy and a mexican that found a genie who granted them each a wish. The black guy asked that he and all of his brothers in America be taken back to their homeland of Africa, so the genie did it. The mexican asked that all of his people in America be brought back to their homes in Mexico, so the genie did that as well. Then the american said: "So you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are gone?" and the genie replied "Yeah"; so the american said "Well then i'll have a coke."

Answer 2

Original broke back bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes it's a gay
bar.

" What the heck," he says to himself,
"I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the
name of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a
drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell
me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the
slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his
SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies."

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give
him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy
asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a
lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who
happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys
call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because
"'Quality is Job One" Then he adds,"Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'
And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes
up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my
willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled
look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!

Answer 3

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.

"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.

"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.

"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

Hope you will like it!!!

Answer 4

The Pope vs. Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Answer 5

A guy goes to see the doctor. the doctor says i have bad news and worse news. The guy asks for the bad news, the doctor says "you have 24 hours to live". The guy says frantically "what is the worse news?", the doctor says "I forgot to tell you yesterday"

Answer 6

Mistaken Identity

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

Answer 7

when a mexican was illegally trying to pass the border he was caught, and begged the guard to let him stay in the us, so the guard says the if he can use the words green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence then he can stay.

the man thinks for awhile then says,"I got it!!!".

"the phone goes green green green, i pink it up and says yellow!!!"

Answer 8

The Elephant said to the mouse. "Why am I so big and you're so small?" The mouse said." It's not my fault! I've been ill."

Answer 9

A man and his son took their dog out for a walk but rubbed oil on the dog before they left. kid says- daddy why does the dog have oil on her? dad says- cause she is in heat. then dad leaves cause he remembers that he forgot something at the house. after a few minutes the kid runs inside and the dad asks what happened to the dog. kid says- she ran out of gas half way and another dog is helping to push her home
sry i dont know exact words but it was something like this


Sister Catherine asks all the fourth graders in the catholic school what they want to be when they grow up;
Little Sheila says:
- When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!
Sister Catherine's eyes grow to the size of golfballs and she says:
- What in God's name are you saying, child?
- A prostitute, Sheila repeats.
Sister Catherine draws a sigh of relief and says:
- God be praised, I thought you said protestant!



A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"



A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shijt."



A four year old girl goes up to her dad and asks, "Daddy? What's sex?" The father is taken back by the question coming from such a young child. But he figures that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she must be old enough to handle the answer. So he goes into a lengthy explanation about the birds and bees, etc. When he's finally done, he notices his daughter has eyes the size of dinner plates. Finally it occurs to him to ask her, "Where did you hear about sex?" The daughter replies, "Mommy said dinner would be ready in a few secs"



An old arab, muslim iraqi man living in the US for more than 40 years decides to grow potatoes in his backyard, but plowing the land is a job too heavy for him.

His only son, Ahmed, is studying in France. The old man sends his son an email telling him of the problem:

"Dear Ahmed: I feel bad, because I won't be able to grow potatoes in my backyard this year. I'm too old for plowing. If you were here, all my problems would disappear. I know you would plow all the land for me. Love, your father."

A few days later he gets the following email from his son:

"Dear father: For the love of Allah, don't get near that soil! That's where I have hidden the you-know-what. Love, Ahmed."

At 4am the next morning, the old man's house is invaded by the local police, the FBI, CIA, SWAT, Rangers, Marines, Steven Seagal, representatives from the Pentagon and other members of the elite digging and looking for bomb-making materials, anthrax, anything. After a fruitless hunt, they give up and leave.

That same day, the old man receives another email:

"Dear father: Surely, the land is ready to plant the potatoes. It's the best thing I could do, given the circumstances. Love Ahmed."



And old man and a young man are sitting in the park. The young man notices the old man is crying. He asks him, "Why are you crying?"
The old man replies. "I have a beautiful wife and she is young and we have sex allll the time. It is non stop as long as I take the pill. I ran out and so I needed to get some more pills." And he pointed to the bag he was holding.
The young man said" That sounds awesome. Why would you be crying if you got to have sex witha beautiful woman so much?"
And the old man looked into his eyes and said, "Because I forgot where I live."



"Ok kids I'd like to welcome you all to the fourth grade. I'm so happy and proud to have you all in my class. Lets start off by saying what we did over our vacations."
Little Billy raises his hand up up above his head waving it energetically.
"Ok Billy, you tell us what you did over summer."
"Oh we went outta state and got ta' go on a big ChooChoo all around and 'round!"
"Now Billy we're in the fourth grade now and we don't use baby words like ChooChoo, you say train."
Little Clara waves her hands around like a crazy girl, she can't wait to get called, "Oh! Oh Oh, Me! Me!"
"Yes Clara what did you do over vacation?"
"We, we flew up in the sky on a big silver bird to see my grandma!"
"Now Clara, we don't call that a bird, say airplane."
Little Sarah calmly raises her hand in the air with a smug look on her face.
"Yes Sara, and what did you do on vacation?"
"We went to Walt Disney Land and i got to shake hands with Winnie the shijt."