My kids are very naughty these days and should i spank them?

Question

I have two kids of one them is 6 and the other one is 10. One boy one girl.

Answer 1

Spanking doesn't work. THe more you spank the less effective it is.. The only time I would spank is if they were going to injury themselves...

Answer 2

Spanking, if needed, should be done in the right way. Spanking should only be used if it brings the results that are needed. In doing this, it is important to remember to: 1) Use other alternatives first; 2) Do not spank them while you are extremely angry; 3) Use a flexible belt or bendable switch so the impact will not be dangerous; 4) Never use your hand because the impact is too forceful and could cause rectal damage if you hit them on the bottom too hard; 5) Do not slap hard in the face as it could cause harm to their bone structure or ear damage; 6) Do not spank or shake infants; 7) Always explain to the child why you have to resort to this method; 8) After a while has passed, always tell them you did not want to do this and have a discussion as to why you had to do it. 9) Constantly search for a better way; and 10) if it doesn't help, quit spanking at all and use another method.

Answer 3

In my experience, spanking is pretty ineffective, it teaches violence as a response to frustration and just as importantly fails to teach good behavior. It also can let them off the hook. A punishment that gets them thinking is going to give better results.

Your best bet is to find a parenting class nearby (try to avoid those taught by churches...you can email me if you want details why this is a bad idea).

Usually kids act up to get your attention. All kids want attention and while good attention is the best, they'll take bad when they can't get good.

Plus children whose parents don't set clear limits with consequences for crossing them are not learning self-control.

This is a complicated topic without a short answer so I'll try to give a few tips.

First of all, your word is everything so if you make a promise, you must keep it. Unfortunately this also means that if you make a threat, you will have to follow through.

Positive reinforcement works better than negative. Positive is reward with privileges and negative can be removal of privleges or other punishments.

Set clear rules. If you don't have them, don't be surprised that your kids don't obey.

Take away all the goodies - TV, computer, video games, etc. They can EARN them back for good behavior.

With older kids, two tricks work very well.

1. Foreshadowing. This means telling them what is going to happen and what you expect.

For example - "we are going to the toy store today to pick out a gift for your cousin's birthday. We are not buying anything for us today. You can look and tell me what you like, but if you ask for anything or get upset we will leave the store right away."

2. The second great tool is leverage. This works great on teens too. Basically it amounts to "if you do this, I'll do that."

Sometimes you make the offer - "Hey guys we will all go swimming as soon as the toys are picked up."

Sometimes you wait until they want something - "Hey mom, can I go to Charlie's house?" You say "as soon as your laundry is put away."

And my all time devious parental favorite - "Hey mom, can we go to the pool today?" And my response "Well I had planned on it but since you didn't get your chores done and I have to do it, I have no time to do anything for you."

As adults no one gives us anything for nothing. The sooner your kids understand that for every action there is a consequence, the better.

A few words on consequences. A consequence is what happens after a choice or action. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. When teaching behavior the BEST consequence is a natural one. This obviously is something that will occur anyway. A classic example is "if you touch the fire, you will get burned."

When a natural consequence is either unavailable or unsafe (like "if you go in the street you will get hit by a car"..is not an acceptable consequence), the next best thing is a logical consequence. An example here "Do not cross the street, if you do you won't be able to play outside, you will have to go inside immediately." Our parents called this "making the punishment fit the crime."

When you have neither a natural or logical consequence you'll have to think of something else.

Just remember..all the fun things are privileges, not rights. Don't be afraid to take them away.

Also, once you master the techniques of positive parenting, you won't have to yell (yelling is a bad idea anyway).

Some consequences my kids have had over the years:
- when my daughter carved her initials in the neighbor's car she got to rake leaves in his yard for a week (she was 5)
- when the room wasn't picked up by the specified time (they were forewarned) I went in with a garbage bag and picked up everything still out of place (you should see them scramble when this happens. Incidentally, I didn't really throw anything away but they didn't know it. I put it all out of sight in the garage)

Hope some of this helps. Spanking most likely won't.

Answer 4

I think every child is different which makes parenting hard to begin with. My children are now 29 and 26 and when they were little a good old fashion spanking on the behind never seemed to hurt them and proved to be effective. In fact, I believe it hurt me more than it hurt them. Today they are two adults that my husband and I are very proud of.

However by a certain age, parenting tactics need to take a different approach. By the time a child is age 6 he/she should be disciplined in other ways, such as loosing something they love for a period of time. The key is for the parent to be consistant in disciplining. Once something has been taken away for a period of time the parent needs to stand firm and not give in.

Answer 5

It doesn't get any easier from this point on it gets harder, I would spank but it depends on each situation, if they are playing with fire, i would spank then talk, if they swear at you or disrespect in a bad way, I would also spank. When my kids had a potty mouth I was so happy they made liquid soap! My aunt also said to put the fear of GOD into them, is a better way than spanking them-you know yell real loud be assertive but consistent.

Answer 6

I am 29 and come from the old school where it was simple: Do what I tell you a couple of times, or else, you are going to get an a** whopping!
There were no time outs! What was that? And calling a child well fare agency? You were going to get it!
That was not child abuse. That was the lesson,' a hard head makes a soft behind!'
I think you know what that means.
People should let their kids know early in life that you love them, want to make sure they are fine, and keep them positive in themselves to go out there in the world. But, they also need to know that not everything is going to be sugar-coated for them. Reality is what reality is. And the reality is that if I tell you to stop doing something or acting like something and you still do it, you are getting a hand to your a**!
Simple as that. No need to question it.

Answer 7

what a hot topic to bring up, every parent is different and every parenting style is also different.. Children are also different what works for one may not work for the other.
If they are 6 and ten, I am sure they like going out to parties, the phone, the little things like television, dessert, going to the mall, allowance. and so on....Why not try the "your grounded" effect...Say there is a birthday party your daughter wants to go to and she is missbehaving well then tell her she is stuck home sitting in her room not able to go to the party.. or grounded from the phone for a week.
Also you have to be careful , pick your battles , They are still young and have a way to go , if you are having small issues now just think of what kind of issues you will have once they are teens.
Also make sure you and your husband, or other half are on the same page so that the kids aren't getting away with something after you have told them no.
My oldest son is three and if he isn't behaving then mommy says well then you aren't going to get to do what you wanted to do, and daddy backs me up...No kicking, hitting, punching and so on because I learned the hard way that it teaches the kids that it is okay to do those things when they are mad...So I have a time out chair that he hates worse then anything and it is effective, but I know that his punishments for his behavior will have to change the older he gets one to fit the problem and to effect him so he understands.
And if you are trying something different it will take time for the kids to adjust to that new punishment, and they will try to push your buttons...so in some cases its like when they were babys and you had to say no all the time for them to understand...well its kind of the same thing..and it will get easier to say no and stand your ground , along with the kids will learn that mommy means buisness...You don't want them to think omg If I do this all I get is hit...You want them to start thinking omg I don't get to go to the party this weekend, no fair, next time I will listen I like my extra activities that I get to go to.
Good luck

Answer 8

Instead of spanking them (the consequences to that course of action will not be good for either parent of child) try something new. For instance, instead of the classic time-out, which everyone should know by now wears off and is unafective, try something that conforms to your childs personality. If one of your kids loves to kick and scream/cry, don't reward the child by paying attention more to them to make them stop, instead tell them you'll speak with them about what they've done when they are acting their age and they stop crying. They know what they're doing, they know they can get away with it, so just try something completely left feild and the only response they'll have is to respond to it.

Answer 9

Many people have very different opinons on the "to spank or not to spank" issue... here is mine:

If children learn what they live, then do we want to hit them ? What does that teach? I think it teaches that it is O.K to hit.
Many people say " I hit my kids and they turned out fine, but those children were raised with fear, I personally don't want my child to be good because she is fearful I will hurt her if she doesn't. I want her to be good because she understands the difference between right and wrong.

My advice, try less violent ways to get good behaivor, like time-outs or removing the child from the situation.

Answer 10

HELL YES spank them!!!! trust me it woks. just try it out next time your kids act up. I think people need to mind their own business and stop being so dumb. If your kid is acting up and needs a spanking, for pete's sake, give them a spanking! As long as you're not beating the crap out of them, spanking them hard enough to leave marks or hitting them places other than their butt, it's definitely not child abuse! Most of the people who complain about spanking do not have kids of their own. It's easy to judge when you're not the one in the situation.

Answer 11

Spanking has become very controversial. When we were kids and we stepped out of line, we got our butts spanked right back in line! Now that's considered "child abuse". I think people need to mind their own business and stop being so dumb. If your kid is acting up and needs a spanking, for pete's sake, give them a spanking! As long as you're not beating the crap out of them, spanking them hard enough to leave marks or hitting them places other than their butt, it's definitely not child abuse! Most of the people who complain about spanking do not have kids of their own. It's easy to judge when you're not the one in the situation.