he hasn't been around us much and they left with him when he was nine... my sis who has spent more time with him than us says that he is constantly teased at school and that he has some bad emotions bottled up inside, she also says that on his birthday his mom wouldn't even let him have any friends over, she tells me to watch him around my kids because we dont know what he has been through. I want to make him feel welcome at my house and I want to help him to feel more accepted by our family and let him know how much we love him and I wanna help him but I just dont know how...his mom is very vindictive and manipulative and has probably tried to turn him against us... so how do I deal with him and what can I say to him to let him know that I care about what he's going through and exactly how can I keep an 11 year old entertained? Im open to any and all suggestions!
2006-06-20 12:01:25 · 16 answers · asked by hearts_bleed_dark 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I was in a very similar situation as you are now and these are some things I did to handle the situation.
* I was ALWAYS truthful. I always kept my promises and I never made promises or dodged the question when I knew I would not be able to follow through.
* I listened to their needs. I did not try to change their mind or convince them to see things my way, but sincerely listened to how they perceived the world.
* I never minimized their feelings regardless of how "silly" it seemed to me. (e.g. My sister was afraid of thunder and lightening so I would sit up with her and sing songs until she fell asleep).
* I included them in the decision making process as much as possible. With more than one child, let them take turns on who gets the front seat or pick the restaurant or which game to play.
* I explained the rules of the house and posted them in the kitchen and family room. Everyone was expected to help.
* Never, ever, ever, ever bad-mouth his mother to him. Children love their parents no matter how bad they are. Listen and console, but don't contribute information. It never comes back the way you said it and just makes problems.
* Keep your children safe at all times. This doesn't mean you don't trust him, but it takes time to know how everyone will adjust to the situation.
Above all, love him. Let him know he matters to you and that you will do what you can to be there for him and do that. Today, my siblings are heading off the college and they still call me just to sing on the phone when it rains. ;-)
2006-06-20 12:15:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all i think not letting what your sis told you make you judge him right away, forget all those stuff and start fresh and new with him. Contrary to what people may think about kids, they are smart, they know when they are being watched, and I am sure he is coming into this thinking that you hate him "just like everyone else." There is gonna be some adjusting period for sure, but don't use what he has been through to change how you act towards him, pretend like you know nothing and that way he'll ease into everything and be himself more. By stopping your kids from playing with him I think that would jus make it worse, see how it goes you might be surprised by what he does, and maybe you might not and it's exactly what everyone has been saying, but don't jump to conclusions before it happens...that's what makes it happen know what I mean? If you put up your guard and start to get defensive, before you know it he's gonna rebel. Be normal, act normal, treat him like you would treat any other 11 year old...ask him if he likes video games, take him to the arcade...but most of all don't judge him right away!
Good Luck!
2006-06-20 12:08:28 · answer #2 · answered by micheypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe the child. A four-year-old girl isn't going to lie about being touched. You need to report this to the therapist. Then you should look into further therapy and social services. Further, your brother should not be left alone at any time when he's in public. You should not have him anywhere that there are children. You should have a conversation with your pastor about what to do as well. But believe the child. What a terrible thing to not believe a child who reports a molestation.
2016-03-26 23:13:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, treat him like your own children. If he feels different, he will act different.
Give him chores, responsibilites, let him feel like part of the whole picture and not a problem.
Most of all, if he is spending any long amount of time with you, get him some counseling set up. Not sure what state you are in, but check out the many free/low cost options.
Honestly, the only real problem we had when we took in my nephew, was three months later, mother came and jerked him out without warning. That was an awful ordeal for him, and I hope that she regrets it to this day.
Eleven year olds love to ride bikes, skateboard, play video games, play with pets. THey also actually like to mow the yard at that age. He might like to try a sport, so see what is available in your area for his age. Some love to read books along the line of the Harry potter series. Movies like spider man and the sort are also options. Just spending time with an adult male role model is great for some, go to a game of some sort, have a water balloon fight, teach him to hit or throw a baseball. Play basketball.
2006-06-20 12:11:54 · answer #4 · answered by cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poor kid has been through an awful lot. He probably has alot of anger and may act out. Can you enroll him in some sports programs or a day camp while he's there? He needs an outlet for his feelings. Plan lots of activities: picnics, movies, etc to keep him busy. Keep an eye on him when he's around your kids. You may just be the best thing that ever happened to him.
2006-06-20 12:05:53 · answer #5 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will probably be over sensitive when he first arrives, so dont mention much more then"it's very nice to have you here with us, would you like to go and see your room for the time your here.?" Then take him in there and scruffle the hair on his head,(loving touch goes a long way)and ask him if he likes it. From then on I would most likely wait to see what conversation he starts up. Make sure you know his Birthday and just pray for Gods help. Goodluck.
2006-06-20 12:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just make one of the most warm and loving environments for your brother to come into. Make your own judgment about him and his behavior not on what someone else says. Make sure when you choices to make like, what restaurant to go to or what do you want to watch on tv you make it seem like a very important task for him so he can feel special. Sometimes it is the little things that count to make him feel loved and in a comfortable environment. Good Luck
2006-06-20 12:07:25 · answer #7 · answered by adkfoaiefnafedw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could be the best thing that's ever happened to him, but it may not happen overnight. Be consistent in loving him and showing it, don't give up. If he acts out, explain your rules, have appropriate consequences, then explain you still love him. Maybe tell him straight out that you want him to feel like he's part of the family and welcome. But don't make him think he'll be staying long term if chances are you have to return him to his mom soon. If his behaviour is seriously impaired, check out this link:
2006-06-20 12:26:24 · answer #8 · answered by daisy519 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chat With HIm,Play A 2 player game on something???Idunno But Dont Ask Me?
2006-06-20 12:04:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the tender loving care u will be giving him is exactly what he needs.
as far as entertainment, how about some outdoor sports, or if he isnt into sports, maybe buying him a nice kite or motorized airplane. im sure the love and affection of your company is what he would enjoy most.
2006-06-20 12:10:07 · answer #10 · answered by pinky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋