am i a bad mother?

Question

i am aged 20, i have 2 beautiful little girls, one is nearly 3 and the other is 1, i am happily married to their dad, my husband works 35 hours a week and i work 21 hours a week, so they go to nursery school from mon-fri 1pm until 6.30pm. I take them and their dad picks them up. A few of my friends have said that i do not care about my children because i spend more time working then with them, but i dont want to be stuck at home and living of benefits. What do you think? am i doing the right thing by working or are my friends right.

Answer 1

sugar, you're only working 21 hours a week

it's important for you to maintain your sanity if you want to be a good mom. part of that for you may be spending time away from them and with adults who are concerned with things other than crayons and baby-dolls

and it's important for your children to have the opportunity to be around other children so they learn socialization skills. it is very important for a child to learn to get along with others.

also, they will learn that they will be ok even when mommy and daddy aren't there. some kids that are only with parents have a difficult time adjusting to school when the time comes.

you're doing good. tell your friends, the ones that don't have kids yet and don't have any idea of what it's like, to butt out and leave you alone.

Answer 2

You are providing a positive role model fro your children by letting them know that their mother is entitled to a life of their own away from the family- that you are a person in your own right, not just their mother. This isn't selfish, it is a necessary part of life, and very often time away from the family means you are able to do a bettter job for them while you're there. You wouldn't want a girl to grow up feeling she must never leave the litchen, or a boy to grow up to feel that his wife is his slave. You're not even working full time, they have you all morning and weekend, be sure to make an effort to make some of this time reallly fun for them with outings, crafts and other things thaat they do with you and your partner. Might your friends be jealous of your apparent freedom, the fact that you get a 'break', even if it's not something you particular enjoy, or the fact that they percieve your work means you are better off than them, or that you are able to make a personal decision without being swayed by popular opinion. Children in nursery or child minding also learn important socialisation skills like not always winning the argument, sharing and waiting turns, which some children find very tough when they arrive in school having never been untied from their mother's apron strings before. Be positive about what you are doing. If you are happy your children will be too.

Answer 3

Well if they call you a bad parent then put them in touch with me i would love to see what they would think of me!! I work really hard i work 42 hours a week and i am a single parent although my two little girls are looked after by my mum i still wish i had the money and the time to give to them so i know what it is like to be stuck in a position of having to work, the way i think about it is my children will be raised to know that women can do anything they set their minds to, that to get what you want you have to work for it, and they determin from an early age interaction and politness, I live in a street that has about 15 houses in all with families with atleast a minimum of 2 kids and i am the only one that works and these kids have no regards for other peoples property or space because their parents have never had to work for it. I would point out to your friend that in years to come there won't be any money left in the country because of this and that you are working to give your kids the very best in life, so you can show them the world and that you are providing for your childrens future, uni and all that. I am 27 and have worked since my eldest was 6 months we don't have much because i support everything and i know material things aren't everything but i show them and teach them alot and i am very proud that i could do this because i work.. Well done i know its hard leaving them keep smiling as long as they are healthy and you spend other time with them they will be fine.

Answer 4

OMG No your not a bad mother but you definitaly have some bad friends you work to supply your children with the things they need and want I am a working mother and like you would hate to sit at home on benifits and because I don't sit at home my daughter enjoys days out holidays and a nice home
So next time your "So called friends" say your a bad mother for working ask them which would they think worse a child that has everything she needs because the mother/ father/ parents work or that child was living in scwoller because there wasn't enough money coming into the house!
I think your friends may even be a little jelous that you have a life out side of being a mother wife and home keeper
Keep it up girl your doing the best thing possible for YOUR children and your installing good work ethics into them !

Answer 5

NO you are not a bad mom, your friends are not being fair. It's expensive having children and you will all benefit if there is more money to go around.
The main thing is when you come home you spend some quality time with the girls, sometimes a break away from the home can help you be a better mom when you get home.

Answer 6

I don't think that its what you do when you are at work so much as what you do when you are at home with them. Are you involved in the rearing of them or are you a "weekend parent"? What I mean by that is do you give them everything they ask for to get through the weekend or do you actually take part of what's going on in their lives (spend time with them doing what they like to do) or do you run off and get your nails done, go out with friends while you hire yet another babysitter? I have known some parents who do this and honestly it's not fair to the children. Why did you have them if all you want to work for are things? Your children are worth more than any THING out there. Maybe your friends are making their comments from observing what you do on your off time. A question to ask yourself is are your priorities straight? Who's it all about?

Answer 7

I think that you need to decide that. Many of us want children but cannot afford to stay home full time with them. Some people don't want to stay home full time. I have always been career driven and working is what makes me happy. My kids are happy when I'm happy. If I stayed home full time, I don't know that I would be a better mom or not. Right now it's not feasible and I'm okay with that. 21 hours a week is not a lot and if you're close to home and able to be there for them at a moments notice and as long as your time spent with them is quality time, then you decide if you think that it's bad. Remember no one can make you feel guilty but you. - Mom of 2 (6 yrs and 2 months)... a very loving and good mom... I'm secure of that!

Answer 8

You are a good mother. Your children are seeing you both working as a team together to give them a happy life. You only work 21 hours a week, and there are 24 hours in each day, so you spend more time with your family than you do at work anyway. Don't feel guilty.

Answer 9

first off tell your friends that they should try being home 24/7 with thier kids or try having some. second off you are doing just fine. children learn alot in daycare, they learn independence, social skills and emotional security of knowing you will be back. Keep up the good work. i am 24 and have 3 kids ages 4,5,6 they go to school, and early childhood during the school year, in the summer they go to vacation bible school for 1 week, summer school for 4 weeks. on days there is no school, they either go to my moms or to a friends house cause their father is completely unable and unwilling to take care of them. i work anywhere between 10 and 25 hours a week for now, and my husband work apx 60-65 per week.

Answer 10

Your children are learning important life skills at nursery. They are learning how to share and interact with other people and how to communicate with other adults. Your children will be better people for learning these skills at an early age.

You love your children and I'm sure you spend lots of time with them when you aren't working building your parent bond.

You should be proud to be providing for your children yourself, like you said, and not surviving on benefits like a lot of young parents are these days. I am 25 and have 3 children, an 8 year old and 3 year old twins. i have been with their dad for 10 years. He works 40 hours a week and I work 20 (evenings) and we are pround to be providing for our children ourselves.

In an ideal world yeah it would be nice to take on the traditional parenting roles. But I think my children have benefitted immensley by mixing with other children and adults at an early age. They are so confident and outgoing, and I see other children that have just been around their parents, and they are so mollicodled and shy and just will not mix with other children. I know I have done the right thing and I am extremely proud of my confident bubbly children.

In short, you are NOT a bad mother. You are a fantastic mother for giving your children this opportunity in life.

OH AND BE PROUD YOU ARE STILL WITH AND MARRIED TO THE DADDY, NOT LIKE MANY YOUNG MOTHERS!!! WELL DONE YOU XXXXXXXXX

Answer 11

You and your husband probably spend more time working than you spend together. That doesn't mean you don't love each other. The same thing applies with your children and in most homes where both parents work.

Are "friends" who tell you that you don't care about your children really your friends?