Anyone care to adopt him? He has graduated from Uni and seems quite happy for me to clean up and cook for him.
2006-06-20 10:09:56 · 31 answers · asked by elibet 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My sister-in-law stayed at her mother's house until she was 42, so count your blessings. I think in her case she wasn't going to move out unless she was offered such a great job that she couldn't pass up. It seems like fewer and fewer 20-somethings are willing to leave their parents' house for lower paying service jobs these days. A recent college graduate may be holding out for a career-level job, not just something for survival. I'd suggest helping him in his job search. Keep a few papers with circled job ads around.
The only thing I've ever seen work with unmotivated graduates is poisoning the well. You've got to make your home less and less comfortable for him as time goes on. Change a few house rules from time to time, especially about visitors, pets or curfews. Get in the habit of buying just enough food for yourself, especially things he doesn't like. Eventually moving out of the house on his own should seem so much more appealing than suffering under your scrutiny.
It's not like you're ordering him out of the house or anything. At some point, he should naturally want to spend more time by himself in an adult setting. If you don't want to alienate him forever (just get him out of your house), you may have to help him out financially with security deposits and such. Once he gets into his own apartment under his own steam, he may discover how much he likes it. Consider it an investment in his future.
2006-06-20 10:27:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
Give him an ultimatium: In one year he either has to find his own place or start paying rent. Teach him now that nothing in life is free. And stop cleaning and cooking for him! Let him do his own laundry and cook his own food (if not BUY his own food). You are creating/have created a lazy bum that will chase off women once they find out he is a slob and a momma's boy. Do him a favor and make him stand on his own two feet. I mean, for God's sake, he's a 23 year old college graduate!!! I was out of the house as soon as I got a job that could cover rent. Why wouldn't he want his privacy and his own place? Not to bring you to a place where you may not want to go, but how does he "entertain" women? Does he have a girlfriend? Suggest to him that having his own place would help him out in this area. And if you feel up to it, make him a deal: you'll pay half the rent on whatver place he can find for a period of one year. After that, cut him off and don't cave in! You sound like you're babying him. STOP IT!
2006-06-20 10:14:27 · answer #2 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-14 08:34:40 · answer #3 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is in the same situation as you and I'll give you the same advice I gave her. You need to make him want to leave.
1. Make him pay rent.
2. Make him do chores as part of the rent
3. Give him curfew- Hey it's your house!
4. Limit his phone and TV time- yup just like when he was little.
5. Plan "Mommy and Me" time- Oh yes, it's evil and soo much fun. Bake cookies, flea markets, day trips you name it!
6. Talk to his dates and friends. Demand you meet everyone and have long conversations with them when the call the house.
7. Demand that he checks in constantly and going to bars and parties are bad.
The idea is treat him like you would a child so that he'll want to grow up and leave your house. If you let him do anything he wants, he'll never leave. Hell, Can I move in?! I don't live paying rent or bills! LOL Seriously, you need to drive him nuts... and it's hard to change your habits- I know it was for my mom to stop cooking and cleaning but it's very easy to install some rules to make his life a living hell. Keep it up for a couple of weeks and he'll packing he things up.
2006-06-20 10:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats because you do it for him! Stop doing it, give him chores and more importantly make him pay rent. This is good for him, making him realise what life is like in the real world. And if he doesn't comply, give him 4 weeks to find another place to live. But if you just want him out, give him 30 days notice and mean it. If that means changing the locks!!
2006-06-21 00:57:21 · answer #5 · answered by zara c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll stay, and mooch, as long as you allow it. I'd give him 60 day notice - and mean it. If he's not out in 60 days, change the locks while he is out, and have his stuff waiting for him in a box when he comes home. And don't let "circumstances" alter your course of action. If he doesn't have a job, don't worry. He'll find something in a hurry. Or he'll find a friend to mooch off of. Either way, you are FREE.
2006-06-20 10:15:55 · answer #6 · answered by lamoviemaven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is only 23 three! do you take rent? and how much? he prob uses the phone charge him for it! you cook for him charge him for it! well you clean for him you may as well bill him for that 2! leave papers open on the table at the house and flat section he'll get the picture he wont b there forever just let him find his own road he'll soon get on the highway soon enough x x
2006-06-20 12:31:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would stop cleaning up after him, I would let him do his own laundry. Or charge him rent and a price for doing his laundry. I believe if you charge him he will eventually think "if I have to pay her I may as well get a place of my own." you need to not make it comfortable or convenient for him at all! He will get the meaning and move out soon enough.
2006-06-20 10:15:14 · answer #8 · answered by hopetohelpyou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your being too soft tell him to get a job and that he will have to pay rent . if he doesnt like it he will have to find a place for himself i moved out at 18 and managed. He has a brain so use it he can help you out round the house if he wants his dinner cooked for him good luck dont take any sh*t
2006-06-21 01:18:02 · answer #9 · answered by dizzymooo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think you got yourself a "mummy's boy" there. At 23 he should be able to look after himself, but then again, why should he when you're doing it for him. Give a kick up the a*se and tell him to get a life.
2006-06-20 10:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by bpooljames 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋