My son has my last name and all three of us would like to have the same last name once we are married (2 1/2 weeks from now). I know my son's father will not let me change my son's last name to my fiance's, though they get along. We came to the conclusion that my fiance should take my last name and the problems are solved. My FMIL though is very controlling and I know she will have a fit when she finds out. How can I explain to her that this means a lot to us and is the right thing for our family? She probably won't care if it is right for us though. I just want her to at least understand and hopefully someday accept it.
2006-06-20 09:34:36 · 10 answers · asked by bridetobe83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My son has my maiden name, his father and I were never married.
2006-06-20 09:45:52 · update #1
I think it's great that your fiance wants to do that! Have HIM tell his mother...you should just stay out of it and let him do it or it may cause resentment (well, more than usual). Just have him explain to her what you just explained on here. Good luck!
2006-06-20 12:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by bluez 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, if that is what your fiance wants, then he should let her know. He needs to stand up for what he wants. If he can't stand up to her now then won't ever. He needs to let her know that it is his decision and that she needs to accept it. If he doesn't want to change his last name and is just using that to keep his last name, you two might need to talk a little more. You do realize another option is to get married with his name and if your son wants his last name to be the same as your fiance's, he can. Once he is a legal adult he can do anything he wants.
2006-06-20 14:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by glamorouskat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't think your FMIL should have a say in it. But again, personally, I am very traditional and I would never want my husband to take my last name, instead of me taking his. I don't know it just doesn't seem right to me. I think you should push, maybe later on, to have your sons last name changed, especially if your finance will be the one providing and caring for him.
2006-06-20 10:28:03 · answer #3 · answered by hbd_stefany 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So do you have your son's fathers last name, or were you not married so your son has your maiden name? If its your son's fathers name, she would have every right to be a little pissy. if its your maiden name, however, there is nothing wrong with that, and no matter how much she may hate the thought of her son changing his name, she will get over it in time.
2006-06-20 09:40:58 · answer #4 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I completely disagree that it's wrong or somehow inappropriate for him to take your name simply because it's non-traditional to do so. I just got married and am not taking my husband's name, but when we have children, we will give them his name. Children are the most important, and their needs should come before the beliefs, especially outdated ones, of friends and family who are ultimately not the ones raising *your* children. It is important for children to have a common name with their father, and your decision to change your husband's name is in his best interest. If your FMIL can relate to anything, it should be to your desire to give your son stability and continuity by not changing his name, giving him the same name as both of his father figures, and creating unity within your current family unit by sharing the same name. That kind of selfless motive on your part should earn her praise not her criticism. As far as her being upset because her family name will "die out," you need to gently remind her that having children is not about seeing your family or your name carry on. It's about giving them a good life and doing whatever is necessary to accomplish that goal. She cannot see her son (and you) as a means to promoting her bloodline and name, just as you clearly do not see your son as less of a child because he will not have his new father figure's last name. I didn't keep my own name at marriage to continue a bloodline; I kept it because it felt like part of me and because it felt right. If it feels right to you and your husband to share your name, that should be all that matters.
2006-06-20 12:21:43 · answer #5 · answered by colivas5 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i dont think it should be a big deal at all..and maybe if u dont act like it is, she wont have much to say about it. u and your fiance are adults, and if he wants to take your last name that should be fine with everyone else, since it really only concerns you guys!
2006-06-20 12:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by pinkcat613 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't even bother breaking the news to her. Explain your reasons when she finds out, if she throws a fit so what? What's done is done and she won't be able to change it.
2006-06-20 13:01:04 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your son has your maiden name, then how does your ex have any say on the issue? Not trying to be smart allec, but that part confuses me.
2006-06-20 10:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't owe anyone an explanation just tell her. Don't sound apologetic or anything, just say it matter a factually.
2006-06-20 12:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally i don't think u need to explain anything to her if thats what u two want to do do it she will just have to deal with it
2006-06-20 09:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by lilmamaskj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋