She just gave me 1 month to decide if i will want to marry her in the future. When we began our reationship she thought like me, mariage is a useless step in this life; suddently, she thinks otherwise...now if i don't accept to marry her, she will leave me...stupid question maybe but, has this ever happened to any of you?What have you done??
Regards
2006-06-20 08:56:51 · 15 answers · asked by I have a cool cat !! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I hope that you've noticed i told that she only wanted the answer in a month, not the real marriage. I'm against marriage, so i will always say no. The problem is the usual, i like her very much...i know the answer to the question can be immediate, i mostly wanted to know if you've ever been in a situation like this and how you reacted. She is my first girlfriend,(2 and a half years).She made the whole work in the beggining(so that there could be a relationship) because i'm very shy and i'd never approach her or any girl :)
2006-06-20 09:13:23 · update #1
Don't let her put you under so much pressure, she knows how you think about marriage. Does she really love you??? If she would, she wouldn't do anything like this to you.
I'm in a relationship for about four years, very happy! The first thing he made clear to me, when we got together, that he will never get married. And he was very determent.I didn't have a problem with that, married or not married, the aim is that we love each other. But 1 1/2 years ago he suddenly asked me to marry him!!!!! Course i said YES.
I really wish you all the best with your gf and i hope that she really really loves you and tries to understand your point.
2006-06-21 04:56:18 · answer #1 · answered by cailin 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It's normal question for a girl. She is only interested whether you will have a family with her one day. If you don't wish further commitment but the relationship (seeing just now and again), then you're out of this game. I know a lot of women who spent years with the guys you never wanted to "get married" and have children. You could have a child in your 50s without any health concequences but if you're a women you're limited. That's the reason why I said it's normal question for the girl. It's not the question whether she likes you, loves you (or vice versa) but the question how serious you're planning to be with her in the future. It doesn't mean that she will leave you in a month but she will have different attitude toward you which will lead inevitably to the separation. Also it doesn't mean that you should accept her offer if you feel unready or unwilling to get into closer commitment like marriage. Try to talk to her about how you feel about her and about her question. It will make things clearer. Good luck!
2006-06-20 10:11:47 · answer #2 · answered by Psychologist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women don't really feel that way about marriage, silly. There are some fakers who will tell you that in the beginning. But no buddy, she probably just liked you a lot and said she also thought it was a "useless step" because that's what you wanted to hear. Personally, I think you should let her go... unless you're willing to give her the committment she needs and deserves. Don't waste anymore of her time than you probably already have. Sorry to be so harsh, but I'm just tellin it like it is.
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P.S. Folks, he's not saying that he's "not ready." He's saying that he will NEVER be open to marriage. BIG difference.
2006-06-20 10:41:55 · answer #3 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her what she really wants. Ask yourself what you really want. I, for one, don't want to get married, but I know I'll end up wanting children. It's not incompatible. If you don't want to get married but still want a family and you can see yourself having it with her, then let her know that.
Also, things change all the time. 2 years ago, I wanted to get married to a guy I couldn't see myself having children with. Be extra careful before you say never.
If she sees marriage as something more than a means to an end, and you really don't, then let her go. It won't work if you have such different views.
2006-06-20 23:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by mmaybe mme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask about her sudden change in attitude towards marriage? If she changed her opinion so quickly then maybe something happened to cause that sudden change. BTW Nobody should give "marriage or nothing" as an ultimatum, that's just signalling towards a controlling personality ( your GF'S). Maybe it's best to step out of this relationship for now.
2006-06-20 09:03:55 · answer #5 · answered by MMQuiteContrary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sucks, but it sounds like you have to say, "Listen. I really don't think I EVER want to get married, EVER. It's not that I don't love you or want to be with you. But I am NOT planning to marry you. Either stay my girlfriend, or say goodbye."
Be prepared for her to walk out the door. If she wants marriage and kids, its not fair to deny her that. If you don't want to get married, its not fair to force you. The only thing fair to both of you is to see people who have similar goals as yourselves.
NOTE: I should tell you, my BGF for YEARS dated a guy that said he wanted to be with her but didn't think he ever wanted marriage. For some reason she stuck with him, but when he was a little older (and a little more mature), he decided he DID want to get married - to her. They've been married for a year, together for 6 years now. So if you think there is a possibility you'll change your mind somewhere down the road in life, keep that in mind before you tell her "Never."
2006-06-20 10:58:39 · answer #6 · answered by Marjorie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her walk. Dont if she is that controlling she must be wanting something $$$. Leave her finsh her before she does you. And you know that saying that theyv are plenty more fish in the sea.
2006-06-20 09:03:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jeez, this is a no-brainer. Dump her. Who needs someone that controlling? You're obviously not ready. Grow some steel in your spine and tell her no now, not in a month.
2006-06-20 09:00:35 · answer #8 · answered by sacredmud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how controlling is she? her mates have either said something to her about it, or she wants to feel secure with you! but tell her you aint ready, and if she aint happy with it, she can stick the whole relationship down the drain, cos you aint ready! hope this helps
2006-06-21 01:21:50 · answer #9 · answered by Cutie_92 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really loved you she would understand that your not ready for it. Is she actually serious about it? Cause if she would leave you because you don't want to marry her yet, then maybe she doesn't actually love you.
Explain to her how you feel...
2006-06-20 09:10:52 · answer #10 · answered by Carley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋