How would you explain a 3 yrs. old about the death of her great-grandpa?

Question

My grandpa has cancer and is very slowly dying.

Answer 1

I sometimes tell people to avoid telling kids that God will be coming to get them. You then find a lot of kids being angry with God. Just be honest and truthful. Explain that grandpa is very sick and the doctors are doing everything they can to help him feel better. When he dies, explain that his heart stopped beating and his lungs stopped breathing. They can't feel anything, so they are not in pain. (Also, if a kid was witness to a long illness, they may feel some relief with the painless statement). Here is some helpful information on understanding a child's grief.
It is also important to understand his developmental level. At his age, he may consider death as reversible, so make sure you emphasize that grandpa can't come back. They may also connect death to unrelated events and feel guilty. Address that and talk about it. They may also see death as a punishment. Remind them that he did nothing to cause it. Some kids may also see death as contagious, so you may want to explain that everyone dies, but most do not die until they are very old or very sick.

Answer 2

I just lost my mother and come from a family that doesn't have a unified religious background. Personally, I'm a spiritual person. These days that means next to nothing but to mean it means that I believe in two things:
Each of us is Soul & As Soul we are eternal

This message of being an eternal Soul I've found resonates to all. There is an excellent book by Newton called Journey of Souls that goes into this.

So back to your question about a 3 yr old and a slow death. The slow cancer death of my mother gave my father time and her too. It can be contrasted with the sudden death of a loved one which causes shock.

Sometimes love bonds are strong and individuals do not want to leave this world so they are split. I think that the more that you know and feel strong about the easier explaining this to a 3yr old will be.

Suggestions:
Grandpa is sick but loves us and thats what he's still here and hasn't moved to heaven. Grandpa loves life and wants to stay even though he's sick.

i would also suggest finding out what the 3yr old specifically wants an answer to.

Good luck,

Kevin

Answer 3

When Someone You Love Dies
http://www.watchtower.org/library/we/index.htm
Helping Children Deal With Death
http://www.watchtower.org/library/we/diagram_04.htm

This online brochure is designed to help anyone through the grieving process. Below are some other articles you might like to consider with her:

Will Aging and Death Ever End? :
Our Quest for a Longer Life
How Can the Quest for Longer Life Succeed?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1999/10/15/article_01.htm

Will the Dead Live Again?
A Tragedy Strikes
Resurrection - A Glorious Prospect:
... Confusion About the Teaching of the Resurrection
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/5/1/article_01.htm

How Would You Like to Be Remembered? :
What Kind of Name Are You Making for Yourself?
How Some Are Remembered http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/8/15/article_01.htm

Why Should I Get to Know My Grandparents?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/4/22a/article_01.htm

It's always sad to loose someone you love. Yet, it always helps to have a solid understanding of what is taking place. Especially for children. You're to be commended or being concerned about your daughter! Many parents never talk to their children about anything difficult. That's one mark of a loving parent.

Sincerely,
"Make Sure of All things; Hold Fast to what is Fine!"
1 Thessalonians 5:21

Answer 4

Caring parents try to protect their children from difficult situations. But they should not ignore a child's inevitable curiosity about death. Because death is a difficult concept for a young child to understand and usually an emotional issue for adults, it is best to gradually introduce children to the idea that death is a normal part of the life cycle.

If a family member or friend is seriously ill, explain the situation to the child. Do not hide the facts. Children are unusually perceptive and sense that something is wrong when they overhear hushed whispers. Do not treat the situation as a secret that is too dangerous for the child to know about.
Show interest in your child's questions and encourage her to talk over her feelings. Young children are inquisitive and not easily satisfied by vague answers. If a child doesn't get answers to his questions, he may make up his own, which may often be more frightening than the truth. It is the job of parents to explain reality, even if it is painful.
Listen carefully to what your child asks. A young child who asks “Are you going to die, Mommy?” may really be asking “Who will take care of me? Will I be left all alone?” Tell your child that you take good care of yourself and plan to live a long, long time. Reassurance and comfort given by a caring parent can help ease fears of abandonment.

Help teach your child the meaning of mourning. Encourage him to express feelings of sadness. Let him see you cry, and assure him that it is acceptable to feel sad. Tell your child that although Grandpa won't be coming back, there are many happy memories to talk and think about. Giving the child a special memento of the dead person ( a piece of jewelry, a favorite handkerchief) may help ease the sadness. Help your child to understand that feelings of denial, guilt, and anger are also natural reactions. Expressing and sharing the deeply felt emotions surrounding a death can help children deal with their grief and fears and strengthen the bonds between parents and children.
Never tell a child what he will need to unlearn later. Avoid figurative language, such as references to “sleep, slumber, resting,” etc., when explaining death to a child. Young children do not understand figurative language and often take it quite literally. What is meant to provide emotional reassurance may have the opposite effect and instead cause additional fear and anxiety. Studies have shown that sleep disturbances occur among children who have been offered this type of explanation. Some children may fight going to sleep for fear they will never wake up, or a child who is told “God took Grandpa because she was so good” may decide not to be good for fear of being taken by God.

Answer 5

I am so sorry you're losing a loved one. That's never easy. We never want our kids to experience pain and loss but we can't prevent that.

Always tell children the truth and then answer their questions as best you can. She will take in what she can process and likely forget the rest. Let her grieve - it's an important process for the emotional well being of a person of any age. You will also allow her the opportunity to express her feelings appropriately, which is never a bad thing.

Answer 6

Sit down and tell her that her grandpa has an illness that the doctors cant fix. and that eventually god will be coming down to take grandpa and make him all better. and we wont see grandpa for awhile.

Answer 7

For a three year old, it is difficult. Say little in detail, and base it on your beliefs of where we go after death. I have said to my little ones that 'grand-pop is with God in Heaven'. 'He was very sick and so the Lord had him come to Heaven to be happy and well now.' That 'he is with us when we think about him as part of the Lord's body' ( not a ghost). That 'we are happy that grand-pop is happy now.' They were able to grasp enough to help them through the loss. Sorry for what you are going through, God bless you, my dear.

Answer 8

make an analogy to the nature around you. Tree, plants, flower grow and die and return to their maker and nothing would exist if there was no death.
In addition, he now is resting with his maker.
hope this help

Answer 9

I agree with samantha *'s answer and maybe add in something like he is always going to be with her -- he loves her a lot.... its ok to be sad... things like that