What should i do with my real dad?

Question

I have made the effert to call my dad and we have talked on the phone and then all of asunden he stoped calling me and when we did talk on the phone he keep telling me that he was going to come down and meet me and he has not done it yet!!!! and he dose not understand how much it hurts me that he has missed 21 years of my life and he dose not want to talk top me or meet me!

Answer 1

This was my experience.

My mom left my father when I was only a year and a half old. I met him when I was 11, and spent a week with him. I saw him again on and off over the summer when I was 14. I didn't hear from him again until I was 31 years old. The reason he contacted me was that he was dying of prostate cancer.

I was angry for most of my life and still suffer from abandonment issues. I had the chance to express that to him, and I chose to accept him for the man that he was: a terrible father, and an extremely selfish individual, along with funny and personable with some life experiences to share. But I got a chance to accept that, and spend the last two years of his life with him. What it accomplished was that I learned I was not to blame for him abandoning me, and I had a chance to know the man, warts and all.

I'm glad he did not die before I could come to that resolution. I searched for him all through my twenties. My worst fear was that when I located him, it would be through death records. But he just picked up the phone one day and called my mom, easy as that.

I am aware that his contacting me was again another selfish act on his part, but it gave me some closure.

My advice to you is to express yourself to him, let him know the hurt you feel. Some people do not understand how their actions (or lack of them) affect others, and then there are some that just don't care. Be prepared to accept the worst, and if the best scenario happens, well, that's fantastic. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Tell him anyway you can how much it hurts he doesn't make a better effort to be a part of your life. Write to him, leave him a voicemail, whatever. He needs to know.

It really sucks when this happens. I stopped talking my biological father when I was 17 and he died just a few months ago (Im now 25). And my stepdad passed away too. So life can be long or short, you never know. But you need to tell your dad how you feel now.

If he chooses not to, it is not your fault at all. Some people are just too selfish or cowardly to face what could potentially actually make them happier. Don't be afraid to tell him whatever is on your mind, good and bad. He is your father and that is what he should hear.

Answer 3

The only thing you can do is take the initiative and call him and/or plan a trip to go see him. You need to prepare yourself for the fact that you may not have the relationship you want to have with him. Since he missed your whole life - and many of the important parts it's like trying to become friends with a stranger.
Let him know that you want to get to know him and you want him in your life. Explain that he did miss a lot of the important parts of you life but that you want him there for when you get married, have kids, etc.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that men are like that. They don't have an automatic love for their children like mothers do.
I would not get my hopes up and maybe he is not good enough to be your dad. If he was a good man he wouldn't need to be chased after and wouldn't have missed out on 21 years of your life.
Maybe it would help if you wrote him a letter, since the phone is not working. Or send him an invitation to dinner. If he doesn't show up...tell him to F---Off.

Answer 5

Tell him how you feel...when you do not express your feelings to your parents...they just do not get it, call him and tell him that if he cant make the effort to come see you that there is no point of you throwing youself to make this relationship work. I bet he will come see you right away.

Answer 6

put the kleenex down and you go see him ... be surprised what that will do ... now GIDDYUP