domestic violence and child custody?

Question

my ex (who has been to prison twice) is trying to get 50% custody of my daughter. he never paid attention to her while we were together, but has now taken an interest in her. he has never even supported her! during the relationship, i tried to get out. he was manipulative, and had even made threats to beat me if i cheated on him. (he also made threats to kill some friends of mine) i have made it known, to the court, that he had been emotionally abusive to me. I had no idea that emotional abuse was considered domestic violence. It turns out that one of his old girlfriends wrote a declaration stating that he had hit her while she was pregnant and that she did not want him around her and her unborn child. there are also other violent crimes, in his record, against women. i want to know if the judge, at our next hearing, is likely to give this man supervised visits with my daughter. i don't think they should be unsupervised

Additional Details

1 hour ago
Wow! all of you have been very helpful and I would still love to hear from others. He has actually already taken me to court and his ex (the one he hit) is now on his side, they are back together. She states (in a declration) that he is a good father who supports his son (with her). what do you think the court will say? it was only 3 years ago that she was trying to get a restraining order, against him, for her and her unborn child, because he hit her.

Answer 1

ok, you're not going to like this, but i have to say it anyhow. the judge does not need (and in most cases will not) take into consideration any abuse that the father did to you in regards to visitation of the child. unless you can you prove that he was and is a danger to the child, he will more than likely get visitation with the child.

that said, the judge should (and usually does) take into consideration the abuse you suffered when deciding custody. if the two parents cannot converse amicably, they will not be able to jointly decide on the proper care for the child.

most people confuse custody with visitation. custody determines who is responsible for the child ie what education the child will receive, who the family doctor is, even hair colour and types of sports the child will be in.

there are 2 types of custody

1) sole - one parent is the decision maker. this type of custody is generally awarded in cases where one parent is so irresponsible that s/he is not capable of caring properly for a child, and in cases where the parents cannot communicate - such as cases where one parent has been abusive to the other.

2) shared/joint custody - both parents jointly make decisions regarding the child's care. this type of custody is generally decided out of court when the parties can get along reasonably well. most cases which end up in court end up with one parent getting sole custody.

visitation determines how often the parent who does not live with the child gets to see the child. this has no bearing (unfortunate though it may be) on any abuse that the other parent has suffered at his/her hands.

bottom line is ... try to get as much support for supervised visits as you can. can you get a copy of the other woman's affidavit? and children's aid reports? anything that you can use to protect child?

i wish you all the best of luck and hope that i helped at least a little bit

Answer 2

You need a good lawyer as any custody dispute is going to be tough without one.. GOOD being a critically important qualifier.

What did he go to jail for? Were they violent crimes? I would pull his criminal record to DISPLAY to the courts. If the ex had filed a restraining order and there was a hearing on it, there should be a record. Court records (except juvenile) are public records so you should be able to get a copy of it.

Go down to your county office and see what you can find on him. Any court documents that support your cause will be very useful.

Are there any police records on file against him, by you or anyone else?

Any CPS file? (these are harder to get but if you know they are out there, you lawyer can subpeona them).

ASK for mediation if there is any remote chance he's going to get either a share of custody or unsupervised visitation. This gives an objective 3rd party a chance to help you two work it out. If he has had little past relationship with your child, it may also pay to have psychological evaluations done as a therapist seeing that the girl has no attachment to her father, or better yet is afraid of him will make a difference.

All in all, courts rarely deny parents a relationship with their child. The best you are likely to get is supervised visits and if he does well at that, they'll let him eventually take her alone.

If you have proof he hasn't been involved as a parent and isn't paying support, you should be able to fight any joint custody easily, but not block visitation.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Make sure you are fully prepared for any hearings you go to.
Take your witnesses and or signed statements by witnesses.
Document every type of abuse he has done and try to put a date on it. This will show the judge how often he becomes abusive and how severely abusive he is.
Make sure your lawyer knows every aspect of the case. Even the restraining order his ex tried to file. She can not lie in court and if she does she can get a fine and go to jail.
Chances are that this scum bag has brainwashed her into thinking he is reformed and or is making promises to her.
I would think that any judge would only allow supervised visits. However the system has failed others at times.
If at best he may get weekend visits. If you feel strongly against that you can file an appeal with your lawyer.
Your childs wealfare is at risk. Even though the child may not be abused, simply watching abuse is abuse itself.
Children can grow up to be emotionally scarred and be abusers them selves.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Well, it is very difficult to say based on the limited information we have. He is likely to receive AT LEAST supervised visits with her.

I can tell you this from my own experience: My mother was abused (emotionally AND physically) by my father. My father was ALWAYS an excellent father to both my brother and me. The court awarded joint custody. While the threats and intimidation continued with my mother, there was NEVER a thought in his head about harming either one of his children.

I guess what I am trying to say is that he may be a complete jackass. He may be a mean, intimidating jerk. But it doesn't necessarily mean that he will not be a good father.

My father was punitive and petty. But, after figuring out how he "worked", he was the best father I could have ever asked for. To this day my mother and her friends despise him. But I love him more than life itself. I would do ANYTHING to get him back.

My point is that just because he is a complete jerk to you, it doesn't mean he will treat your children the same way. In fact, he could come to be a very meaningful and influential presence in their lives. I would be only a shell of a person if my mother had succeeded in keeping me from my dad.

I wish you luck with this. People can and do change. But more importantly, it is vital that your daughter has a father in her life.

Answer 5

Okay I answered your weed question now theres nothing wrong with a parent smoking pot as long as he dosnt do it in front the kids and he sets a good example i.e. taking care whats important first but from the sound of your other questions which i just saw thats a bad situation but more than likely the pot has nothing to do with it he would prolly act that way regardless and even if so theres a bad apple in every barrel dont let him set your mind frame for everyone that smokes pot we are not all like that and I would never do things like that to someone that was the mother of my child even if I hated her guts its about more than me and her when theres a child involved and on that note i hope he gets his as* busted if not by the court by some random person on the street. If hes that much of a danger to you and your child do everything in your power to keep him out of your life but make sure that your child knows and understands this. My mom was a bit off her rocker when i was little and my Dad still had to fight tooth and nail for over a year to get custody of me and i was to young to know or understand everything and i hated him for a good while till I got older cause all i knew was that he kicked my mom out dont let this happen with you and your daughter explain as much that is suited to her age constantly until shes old enough to know better if she isnt already or you will regret it as much as you did for putting you and your daughter in the situation in first place

Answer 6

unfortunately the judge can decide to give him unsupervised visits. the system really is not designed for domestic abuse victims. a person has to actually do something first. i wish you the best and get a good lawyer

Answer 7

I think the judge should not allow him even to be anywhere near ur place....the evil should be kept in captivity all his life and made to work like an ***........No, the judge should not allow him visits to ur daughter, supervised or otherwise.

Answer 8

that's why our system needs a big overhaul