how can someone that feels miserable and has low self steem because the mother was a b**** & father an a*****?

Question

i was the ugly of the family when i was little so even my sisters where mean to me, i never got a kiss or hug when i was little, not much has changed since then, sometimes we find out by third persons they are having a party my kids also feel left out and ask why where we not invited , they don't call when me or my kids are sick or have had surgeries, they didn't go for my graduation i have no pictures because i don't want to remember how sad i was that day, they never come to my house to visit like if i was a disease except when i make b-day parties for my kids but they are the first ones to leave i feel so bad i became an alcoholic when i was 12yrs old and quitted when i was 22 i'm now 30 i am really hurt i now take medication for bipolar disease,but i try to be the best for my kids i dont know how to deal with this anymore my self steem is low i wish i could bring my self steem up, i thin they enjoy making me feel bad. i was the ugly ducklin but i became a swan in a very decent way.

Answer 1

Dear Young Lady, I so wish that this was not happening to You. Many of the responders have stated that perhaps that is how Your Parents were raised. People learn what they are around. The good news is that it only takes One Person to decide to change the future, into something positive. I lived in an abusive household, it was very difficult, and my self esteem was very low. But there is so much information out there now, that was not available when I was a Child. First of all it takes 100 good words, to replace one bad word that has been spoken to, or directed at You. So start now by saying that You are good, loving , kind, compassionate, Beautiful Person, and a good and loving Mother. Fill Your Household with Positive sayings posted everywhere, and read them often.

Many Parents choose to not remember the bad that they did to Their Children while raising them, it is easier that way. They like to hide behind the veil that They did the best They could, when We know that is false. If that was the best, it was a very bad attempt. Even though My Dad was less than an hour away, He did not attened My Graduation, or Wedding. And unless Someone has known, first hand, the pain this abuse causes, They truly can not speak on its behalf, like grow up, or get over it.
I will have to admit that I hated My Dad for many years, and the day that I stopped, it helped Me tredmendously. The Bible says to Honor Thy Mother and Father. It doesn't say unless They treated You badly. And when You do honor Them, You also honor Yourself, and Your Children.

So start telling Yourself good, positive words, You have a lot of bad thoughts to make up for.

And please don't try to make Your Children Your Friend, by explaining to Them why Grandma and Grandpa are bad, that will only make Them feel bad about Themselves, and You know that You do not want to cause Them any more pain.

Write down everything You would like to discuss with Your Parents, and then set a date and time, a week in advance, so You can sit Them down and discuss Your feelings, and the feelings of Your Children with Them. Make sure to take a Friend, one that Your Parents do not feel that they can bully. And then lilisten with Your heart to what They have to say, and also speak from Your heart. Make sure that Your Children ARE NOT there.

Best Wishes for the Coming Together, in Peace and Harmony, of Your Family.

God Bless

Answer 2

The main problem I am seeing is your low self-esteem. No matter what your family may have put you through as a child, you are an adult now and have one shot at providing your own children with a better upbringing than the one you suffered. The fact that your young children are aware of when the family leaves them out is interesting. Do you verbalize this to them? If you do, stop. Don't pass this pattern of rejection down to your children. Protect them from the pain it has caused you. Congratulations on your recovery from alcohol dependency.

Check with your doctor that diagnosed you as being bipolar and see if your medication is doing what it should. Tell him exactly how your are suffering. You may also be clinically depressed (sure sounds like it) or have some other problems. Keep an open mind about the doctor's suggestions and PERSIST until you feel better.

Get counseling for your childhood experiences that have followed you and are consuming your adult life. It's not normal, and there has to be a way to make it better. Good luck dear.

Answer 3

Well honey, people have had it alot worse than you. Ansd have been in your place as well. I have also experienced stuff like that. Your older now with a family. Now you focus on your family and you be there role model. If they see that you are like this all the time how do you think they are going to view you when they are older. I am 20 and I can say that I've been to hell and back. I have a family and they are the same way. And on a few members I could say worse. I am not here to compare but to try to make a point. Life is hard at times and GOD is always going to be there watching 4 sure. no matter who is there for you or not he is.You need to be happy. And enjoy your children while they are still young. There are always trials in life. You just gotta keep your head high and your emotions strong.

Answer 4

Sounds familiar,

You know, it's easy to hate yourself and others. Best thing to do is leave them alone, and let them wonder why you don't come around anymore. Then when they do come around, be busy with the great activities you've got going with your family. From what you tell me, it appears your family is petty and selfish, and you are allowing them to run over you. That's entirely your fault. Have you stopped to consider that you are neglecting your happiness at the expense of your own family? Do you suppose your children and wife enjoy watching you be depressed and angry? And don't tell me they can't tell. Do not ruin what life you have on sad, boring little, petty people. They are not your family. the woman you married, and your children are now your family. It's time you realized that. Forget "they" exsist until they come to you and act human for a change. Until they do what they treat you like, is your fault. No one tells you to take it. No one tells you to bother. You want them to punish you because you think somewhere along the way they will change and love you more, and that might erase the past. And you will think..."I knew they'd come around." No. They won't. I tried that route. Doesn't work. Put yourself first. You can be poor or rich, successful or not, happiness is a state of mind. Be happy. Chose that instead of self infliction. You can do it. I'm much happier for it. And guess what? I never look back. My husband and I are much happier since. good Luck. Let me know if you want to chat.

[e-mail]

Just say, "That's enough. The ones that love me are first. And the rest are noise."

Answer 5

I just walked away one day after being treated similiarly. After 3 years, it feels fine. I learned that I had good family all along through my friends and their families...who have been much more accepting of me. I still miss my family sometimes and can get down about never being accepted by them. But it wasn't my fault, and I can tell you that they were not people I would even consider NEEDING their acceptance if I were to meet them on the street....so there was no point in continuing to want it from them.

Try to look at them as objectively as possible and decide if you would even LIKE your family members if they were not related to you. Would you waste your time trying to get them to like you if they were strangers? If you would say no, then let them go, stop inviting them and stop talking to them. Be glad they raised you and realize you don't owe them anything more.

There may be more drama before they let you be, since you are fulfilling a need they have to treat you like ****....but don't worry, they'll find someone else to trash and it won't have to be you.

You have the blessings of a new family order with your own kids. The best example of family will be what you do with them. Break the cycle of despair by showering them with the love and acceptance you know they need.

Take care.

Answer 6

Is it possible to move away from them and start your life in a new place, I'm sure that is very difficult to do since you have children, but I think you need to remove yourself from those people even if they are your family. Have you ever told them how much they hurt you? If they are this mean to you I don't think it is worth you and your own families suffering. Do you have any friends, they could help you if you open up to them and ask them for their help. You could even get some good advice from a therapist, since you are medicated for bipolar ism, I'm sure you have some experience with therapists, but maybe you need a non medical therapist like a psychologist, someone who will treat you as a client not a patient. Psychiatrists want to medicate everyone, but there is more to you than just your disorder you deserve to talk to someone who will listen to you and comfort you and make you feel like you are good enough. Everyone on this earth has the right to be them self, and what your family is doing to you is just wrong. If you would like to talk some more, you send me a message, just click my avatar.

Answer 7

this is one of those things that is going 2 sound so harsh but I really do not mean it in a mean or nasty way so here it goes. GET OVER IT! families suck,people can be idiots and assholes but just because ur related does not mean u need 2 have a relationship with them. I do not talk 2 my sisters, I do not invite them 2 functions,I do not call them,I do not even go 2 my mothers when I know they r there.damn my life is so much better without them.about ur self esteem again get over it we all have shotcomings that is what makes us human NO ONE IS PERFECT! talk 2 ur councelor get one if u do not have one n let all the old **** out.then stop dwelling on old **** n concentrate on who u want 2 become.from there it is simply one step at a time.start small do things 2 improve urself.by next year u will be so much happier.family is only a blood relation,u can be related and not have them in ur life.

Answer 8

I wanna leave you with this advice if you have low self estem men will try to take advantage of you because of it you need to really dig deep inside of yourself and figure out what is it about your self dat you do not like and try to change it if you can do it for yourself not because of anybody else and the things that you cant change except it as long as you dont love yourself how can you love somebody else? the better you feel about yourself the more men will come along but if you dont have self confident you will except anything that comes with a man

Answer 9

Hang in there , I know how you feel. Make your own family traditions. Remember your great, we all have made mistakes.
You rose above yours. You are a good person and are worthy!
Believe in yourself. Invite them to function and family things, if they don't come so be it. My family is a collection of people through out my life, my blood family are included if they wish to be, but i don't need them. They now sing a different tune.
My house is the one everyone want;s to be at, and if trouble comes i'm the one they call. So it has it's good and bad points.
I made my home and family in to what i missed out on when i was a child.
Your great!@

Answer 10

You need to talk to your kids and explain everything to them honestly (if they are old enough to understand). They need to know why your family acts like that and they need to understand it's not their fault or your fault. If your family isn't there for you - stop expecting them to be because it only makes you feel worse. You have your own family and they are what really matters now.
You should get into counseling, because with all you have been through you need to let everything out. A counselor can help you go through your feelings, offer clarity, and help you to move on and build your self esteem up.
When you are strong enough then you can talk to your family about how you feel. They certainly need to know how you feel and that you are a grown woman with a family and you would like to start real relationships with them.