my friend has been dating this guy for almost 7 yrs and there both 29 and she just told me they never had sex and hes waiting for them to get married.... shes now thinking about cheating cause she dont want to marry him until they do it. she asking me what she should do ..... i just dont know what to tell her..... what wuld you do if u were in this situation?
2006-06-20 07:21:58 · 49 answers · asked by duckie duck 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't understand why she waited 7 years and got this far in the relationship and now is considering the cheating. I'm sure if he's stayed with her this long, she really means a lot to him so cheating could really ruin him. I think 7 years is a good chunk of time. Maybe they could express that intimacy other ways instead of full blown sex.
Sex can change a relationship drastically so I can understand how at this point she'd want it, but should not cheat to do it. I think their relationship should distant and over by the time she goes into that boat to save the feelings of a guy who's been with her for 7 years. Who knows, maybe if they don't have an ugly break up they can always get back together if she realizes he is exactly what she wants.
I don't think neither should be forced into doing something they don't want to do. But she has to realize too that he must have a great respect for her and himself to stick to such feelings. I think that shows a lot. But they should really talk about 'why' he will not give in as well; is it religious, is he afraid of something happening afterwards, is it just some belief he was raised with?
2006-06-20 07:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by pizzagirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously 'your friend' and her boyfriend have a completely different value system, why in the world did she stay with him for 7 years and not tell him sometime during this time that she did not agree with the no sex till marriage rule he has?
If your friend is thinking of cheating now, just to get sex, I would say that (a) she has wasted 7 years of her life and (b) she should just leave this man. The reason is that if he can do without for 7 years, once married he is probably not going to be very interested in sex, and obviously she is, so she will end up straying again, what kind of a marriage will that make? Besides I think if he ever found out she cheated for sex, I don't think he would be around for very long..
Tell your 'friend' that it is time she ended this 7 year relationship and moved on. Her heart is obviously not in it if she is wanting to cheat.
2006-06-20 07:34:12 · answer #2 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not many men have the ability to hold out that long, maybe he has his own reasons whether it be the way he was brought up or religion but this is what he has decided to do and it should be respected. We always say to men respect women, don't force her to do it if she doesn't want to bla bla bla...men sometimes have their head set straight as well and I believe they deserve just as much respect as we do about the choices they make for themselves. After 7 years he has only now decided that she can't wait any longer? Honestly I am sure she knew from the start that this how he feels about sex and only now because of sexual urges your friend decides to cheat on her man? there are alot more ways she can fulfil her urges..tell her to buy a vibrator, that might hold her out until she gets married and besides 7 years and 29? shouldn't they be engaged by now? I am sure she loves him, and as far as I see it that is a very lame excuse on her part...
If I was in that situation i'll respect my man for what he is, especially if I have been with him for 7 years I would know what he wants and where he is heading and his views on sex before marriage. It wouldn't matter to me if I loved him, and yes I agree that sex is a very big part of a relationship, but it is also a choice that needs to be respected. I hope to hold on to my V for marriage so although the urges will be there i'll be looking forward to the day when it happens.
But this is just my own personal opinion.
2006-06-20 07:31:39 · answer #3 · answered by micheypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say cheating, do you mean cheating on her original promise to not have sex until married, or cheating on him with another guy?
I think it's a good idea to try out sex before you are married. It's not usually a problem, but best to find out before you are committed. I know thats a disappointingly practical answer, but I guess I'm just a practical guy. I must comment that if they've been dating for 7 years and haven't had sex, it must not be a very high priority for either of them. I would guess most people would not last that long without some sort of physical component to the relationship.
2006-06-20 07:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by dirtyrubberduck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should take a long hard look at why she thinks that she has to have sex before getting married - and honestly tell him what those reasons are - and he likewise should tell her why he feels so strongly about waiting. Why would she want to have sex with another guy instead of him in the first place if she loves him? Why cheat regardless of how long they have been in a relationship - it could be one month or ten years? They need counseling in any case, as they are on opposite sides of the fence on a very important area of their relationship, and they really need to come to a mutual conclusion before either of them blows it all away. If they are not in agreement, it will only cause more problems, and would probably be best to separate and move on.
There ARE people in the world who wait. We did. We had lots of pressure from our friends who thought we were a bit strange as after all it was the rebellious 60's with free love, but we still waited, and there was nothing wrong with that. After 34 years of marriage, we are both still glad of it. (And to the people who think sex is best only when young and "vital", we are doing wonderfully - and it is even better now that the extra worries such as pregnancy (we had 2 beautiful and wanted children), periods, and all that are over with. It does not have to lessen or die off just because you grow older, that is up to you to either let it grow stale or keep it alive and exciting! Why not enjoy it with the same partner but be creative?)
2006-06-20 07:27:17 · answer #5 · answered by still learning at 56 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 years is way too long to find out if you want to marry someone. 1 to 2 years, maybe 3 years, but 7 is not right. And now she wants to cheat? Tell her that if she cheats, then her life will be miserable for a very long time! And what guys goes 7 years without some? Maybe he's been cheating the whole time?
2006-06-20 07:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by kika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage to have sex. That is the way it is supposed to be. If she is going to cheat on him after 7 years of dating, then maybe she doesn't deserve such an honorable guy. If she loves him then she should wait. If she is going to blow the whole relationship by cheating, maybe she is not ready to be married. She should spare this poor guys heart and break it off before she cheats.
2006-06-20 07:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by sami_d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She dated the guy for 7 years and they both 29... so why on earth did he not marry he yet?? is he gay?? why wait for so long?
She should give him an ultimatum to get married or not!! If he does not not fulfill it, then she must move on: not cheat, that is not worth it. She has her needs, she is an adult health woman and her boyfriend must respect that.
I believe she should leave him and move on. Thats what I would have done. I hate to see ladies wasting their time waiting and waiting.
Maybe simply he cant do it or pretends to her about his values and does his staff other way.
Never heard of it and would not like to be in the position. And if your friend things of cheating, means he is ready to leave him.
Good luck
2006-06-20 07:28:37 · answer #8 · answered by Desert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her know that cheating is definetly not the answer to the questions there are lots of other solutions, she can talk to him about it and she can tell him how she feels, the is no better way than honesty, and remind her of the good times that she and her bf had together and remind her of all the bad things they have both been through, ask her if she really wants to give all of that away just for sex, help ur friend to understand that building a great foundation of ur relationship, is the most important thing and that there are aren't many guys out there who are willing to say 'i want my body to be shared with u only', she needs to be grateful for that. all that waiting for seven years will be all wasted tell ur friend that she should not do this!!
2006-06-20 07:28:49 · answer #9 · answered by zkimmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they should reconsider the relationship in total. If he wants to wait until marriage, and he hasn't asked her in 7 years tells me there is something going on there. Should she cheat? Absolutely not. If she needs release, she can buy a toy to do that. I'd tell her to go talk to him in a mature way and tell him her feelings and see if they can come to an agreement. I'd also have her ask why he hasn't proposed. She should also see why she sticks around for 7 years with a guy who is showing the obvious sign that he doesn't want to actually commit.
2006-06-20 07:24:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋