what do i do
2006-06-20 06:00:55 · 37 answers · asked by DaMan2040 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Be honest. You didnt know about the child. If it is something that happened before you even met your wife then it will be easier than if you had an affair.
But either way she has the right to know and so does the child!
2006-06-20 06:02:36 · answer #1 · answered by foolnomore2games 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!
I know I don't need to say this but you are in a bit of a pickle.
From a female point of few... to be honest, it really depends on how old the kid is. And, how long you were with your wife before you got married. For example ... the child is 3 and you were dating your wife for two years before you were married. this obviously means you are in deep, deep trouble.
If the child is like 10 or something and you have only been with your wife 5 years up to now, then you really just have to be honest. Sit her down, and explain what has happened. If she is anything like me she will probably demand a paternaty test.
Not to dis the mom or anything but I don't know her of course and don't know the kind of person she is. so, naturally my suspision of other females automatically leads me to "she's up to know good". Sorry if that is insulting in anyway. It really was not meant to be.
I wish you the best man. There is no way of telling how this will go. of course, as I stated, there are a few factors that make this better or worse. I hope that your child was concieved from a long past romance and his mom isn't trying to get back into your life. Also, i hope your wife trully loves you and understands the situation.
Best of luck from a girl who really wishes you the best.
2006-06-20 06:14:26 · answer #2 · answered by Liz L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with fool no more if u had an affair then it could be devastating but if this happened before you met then it will be easier just sit her down and talk bout it be honest with her and explain u didnt know anything about this child u have only found out so this would be a very big shock for you and it will be for your wife she may be mad/angry / upset and also ask the question is it really yours ?? so just to make sure 100% get a dna test (i would do this before you tell your wife as u may telll her get a test done then it turn out not to be yours so could save every 1 a lot of heartache ) but be honest and truthfull to her (when u do tell her ) dont hide / lie about anything answer all her questions if u can also if she gets mad leave her a while to calm down =) hope this helps a little good luck in the future
2006-06-20 06:11:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gently tell her. We know our partners have pasts and we know that life is full of surprises. Hopefully, all the adults in this scenario of yours will do the right thing for the child. You don't say how old the child is (long lost could be 10 years ago or 30 years ago), but he/she may not even want a close relationship with you. But if your child does, then hopefully your wife is kind enough and self-confident enough to embrace this child.
Best of luck.
2006-06-20 06:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife knew you had a sexual life before she married you, then just explain you had no clue. Be honest with her, and do it soon before she hears it on the street. Are you the kind of a man who would take responsibility for this child? If so, then she knows that, and I have had several cousins pop up from previous relationships, it happens for some reason or another. Hate, jealous, and sometimes plain old spite...Give your wife some credit and have the talk with her as soon as possible...good luck!
2006-06-20 06:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be open and honest with her. It is going to be a shock. It might take her some time to digest as I'm sure it took you some time as well. The sooner you tell her the better.
I think I'd do it in person (no call or e-mail). Tell her the ex called and told you that her son/daughter is yours.
I'd have a DNA test before I'd sign to add my name to the birth certificate if I were you, just to be sure. Granter the gal is probably on the up and up but you just can never be too careful.
Good Luck!
2006-06-20 06:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by Elizabeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that you are considering to tell your wife instead of just locking it in the closet. I would thik this would be the dialogue:
Y=You W=Wife
Y: Honey, there's something i have to tell you that I just found out.
W: Honey, what is it?!
Y: I had a previous relationship and affair with a woman about (x) years ago.(Pause) I have just been informed by her that I actually have a son.
W: *gasp*. Well, honey... i just...
Y: It's OK to be a bit startled, I was too. Speaking of which, would you feel comfortable if he came over to have dinner with us Tuesday night?
W: Well, OK.
It probably won't go the same, but hopefully pretty close. Good luck!
2006-06-20 06:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her openly and honestly about the child, and tell her everything that happened with the child's mother. Talk to your ex and figure out the child support and visitation. It will be an adjustment, but the two of you should be able to work it out. I would suggest counseling if you don't think that your relationship or the child can handle it.
Good luck.
2006-06-20 06:32:56 · answer #8 · answered by cseehausen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your wife and let her reaction be her reaction! There's nothing to cover up.I'm sure she knows things about your past and that this could be possible with any man. 2 years is a long time to turn around and run away from an issue. Your and her vowed before God "For better or for worst" be honest!
2006-06-20 06:16:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a honarable man that will just tell his wife the truth if you weren't you wouldn't have asked the question. She should understand since it happened and you did not know. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get to embrass your seed.
2006-06-20 06:08:08 · answer #10 · answered by lalamuffy@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋