does anyone have some good jokes/riddles for me?

Question

thank you!

Answer 1

i saw a man walking down the street. i asked him what his daughters look like. he said, "i have all blondes but 2, all brunettes but 2, and all redheads but 2." how many daughters did he have?

Answer 2

Polls & Surveys

Answer 3

sure, whats the best thing to come out of Wisconsin?
Interstate 90.

( obviously, you'll have to adjust this joke to fit your situation

Answer 4

ok, i have a riddle.

There was a silly little old man. He had many hobbies. He loved to sing. He loved to take walks. He loved to eat and drink. But most of all, he loved art. He would sit in his room and draw for hours. he drew and drew. But one day this little old man died. The paramedics couldnt find his ID. They did not know who to admid him as. THen, miraculously, some guy from his family arrived. Except this dude was mentally ill and only knew the last name. It was Johnson. Now, if you listened to my tale closely, i have told you his first name.

see ifyou can figure it out!



ok,ok i will just tell you.

his name was








ANDREW!


He drew AND DREW!
\

hahaha isnt that great?

Answer 5

Usually the staff of the company play "football."
The middle level managers are more interested in "Tennis."
The top management usually has a preference for "Golf."

Finding:

As you go up the corporate ladder, the "balls reduce in size."

Answer 6

yo mama is so stupid she walked to an antique shop and said "What's new."

Answer 7

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?

Firetruck!

Answer 8

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch.. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly haunting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SH!T!" said the Hypnotist...


It took three days to clean up the senior center.

Answer 9

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Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
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Answer 10

~A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out he shined his light around frantically looking for the cause of the voice. Finally in the corner of the room his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep" the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I was just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, HUH?" Who are you? "Moses," the parrot replied. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"

The parrot promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name their Rotweiller dog Jesus..."~