I am getting married next May. The problem is my mother. EVERYDAY my Mom comes up with some new idea for the wedding. She emails me like 15 times a day with a link to this website or that website and wants me to check out every little idea. She is constantly trying to change my ideas and even wants me to change my wedding colors and cake ideas because she doesnt like them.
She wants me to change the favors and wants me to use every idea she comes up with. If I tell her I dont like something she came up with, she gets very offended. I am at my wits end! I am using the caterer she likes, the photographer and the DJ she wants. I would like some of this to be my ideas....
How do i explain to her that I appreciate her excitment but I dont want to feel guilty when i turn down her ideas-
Im her only daughter and she constanly reminds me this is the only wedding she will ever plan so she just wants everything to be perfect... What should i do? I just feel really bad....
2006-06-20 05:48:32 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
one more thing- my parents are paying for the wedding, which is why I feel the need to use many of her ideas. she would never "not pay" just because I turned down her ideas, but I just feel bad because this whole thing makes me want to elope! We have always been really close and I hate to be this upset with her ober my wedding-- it should be the happiest time but she is making it very stressful! I just need to keep thinking how lucky I am a great finace and a mom who really cares... i just need to put my foot down!
2006-06-20 06:00:45 · update #1
when you say this is the only wedding she'll ever get to plan, didnt she have one of her own? and if not then thats no reason for her to take over yours, this is your only chance to plan the day of your dreams you need to sit her down and tell her, you appreciate her excitement but you already know what you want and tell her that shes making you feel guilty, chances are she's so caught up in it all she doesnt realise. good luck, i hope you sort it all out and have a fantastic wedding day!!
2006-06-20 06:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by Angelcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, no matter what says, remember this will (hopefully be the only wedding YOU ever have!!
Maybe use a humorous approach, I have to use this type with my mom ALOT. She's pretty sensitive. Something like this..
"Mom, I don't know why you're so excited about planning this wedding. Let me do this one and you can handle my next one. (smiling of course)"
Or
"I'm glad you have this whole thing planned out, I'll be at the bar. Really Mom, I appreciat your help, but let me do this. I promise not to leave you out, but I have a lot on my mind right now, and indtead of all these great ideas you have, what I really need is your support. Your little girl is growing up!"
Or ask,
"did grandma help you plan your wedding? what kind of music do you think she would have liked? (she answers) Oh, I'm glad you went with your own choice, Mom..maybe you should just let me handle the details, and you show up and enjoy your moment in the spotlight as mother of the bride, not event planner.
See where I'm going with this??
Good luck sweets!
2006-06-20 12:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by Nanjadufrance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK...First, IT IS YOUR WEDDING. Make that clear.
Yes, it seems like mom is REALLY excited. That is great. You should be happy that she is involved...BUT you need to draw the line somewhere.
I think the best way to deal with Momzilla is to just be honest with her. Thank her for her enthusiasm...thank her for paying for things and helping you both out with this huge and joyous celebration...but ALSO tell her that, though you are very touched by her...um...WILLINGNESS to help and give her opinions, you would like to make a few decisions since this is your big day, and it is something that you've been dreaming of for a really long time. You and your fiance are now adults and would like to make a few decisions of your own...starting now. Let her know that It is ok that she shares her opinion on things, but tell her that if you don't like the ideas to please not take things personally...It isn't that you don't appreciate what she thinks it is just that you just have different tastes.
Also, you are getting married NEXT MAY. You have LOTS OF TIME. Tell her to calm down a little and to pace herself. She'll burn you all out if she keeps this up...you'll get so sick of wedding stuff you'll wish you'd eloped.
In all seriousness, I really do think that it is a wonderful thing that she is so excited for you. You may look back on this someday and be thankful that she was so happy and willing to do things for you. Hopefully she understands where you are coming from.
Good luck.
2006-06-20 17:02:28 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you're experiencing is completely normal, normal I should say, for those lucky enough to have mothers who care. When you think you can't take it anymore, ask yourself if you'd prefer to have a mother who didn't even care enough to attend your wedding, much less help plan it.
In the meantime, you need to give your mother some busy work. Find ways of using her energy that will make her feel important and involved and leave a little less time for this abundance of unwanted input. Do you care where your rehearsal dinner is? Maybe you could put her to work arranging this. In fact, if you tell her you want something "homey" and let her have the dinner at her house, planning it should keep her quite busy. Let her know how important the rehearsal dinner is to you; how it sets the tone for the entire wedding,etc...If this is not enough, there are bridesmaid's teas, luncheons,etc.
Every happiness to you in your new state! I envy you.
2006-06-20 13:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to remind your mother that this is YOUR wedding, and (you hope) the only one YOU will plan. Let her know you are already set on the colors, favors and cake. If she brings them up, tell her "Mom, those things are already done. Lets move on to what still needs to be decided". You can never have too many ideas to choose from, you just need to listen and then tell her "that's cute, but I would rather do/have _____". Be sure to pick your battles. If there are things that are not that important to you, you might give in. Make sure you get your must-haves your way.
2006-06-20 14:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion would be let your mom know that you appreciate all the information that she has given you. Also let her know that this is your wedding and like all women, have had a picture in your mind of what it would be like when you got married since you were little. Tell her you understand she's just trying to help, but the best way for her to help is to stop pushing all her ideas on your wedding. Let her know that you will take into consideration some of the things that she suggest but the final decision will be yours. Tell her your not trying to hurt her feelings and that you love her, but this is your wedding not hers.
2006-06-20 13:05:26 · answer #6 · answered by u_niece75 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you appreciate all the ideas but this is your wedding and you want to be in control of some things and she needs to respect that or you will cut her out of any of the planning. You have already compromised enough with her by using some of the vendors she wanted you to. Tell her you realize you are her only daughter and this is the only wedding she will ever plan but that you hope it to be the only wedding you are a bride in and it needs to be your signature wedding. My mother was suppose to get the cake for my wedding but I pissed her off 2 weeks before and she said she wasn't going to pay for it and I told her I didnt care because the cake was going to be paid for rather she paid for it or not...she came around and paid for the cake once she realized I was going to have MY day MY way regardless of what she wanted. G' luck!
2006-06-20 12:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should consider yourself lucky that she is so interested. She just cares about you and wants your day to be amazing. I am also planning my wedding, but my mom is driving me crazy in the completely opposite way. It's like she doesn't really care. She always changes the subject when I bring up the wedding, and turned me down when I invited her out here to help me plan. You should give your mom a hug and thank her for caring, and then just tell her to calm down a little bit!
2006-06-20 12:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by lightermel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Im a wedding planner I know how is that, talk to her the best way you can and explain to her you aprecciate her help you will take some of her ideas she need to understand you will get married and is not only your ideas is something you make decisions with your fiance you dont want for her to be offended and you undertand you her only girl and everything you have your colors and favors you want ..... if you need any advise about your wedding you can e-mail at mbeventdesign@aol.com or visit my page www.mbravo.homestead.com
2006-06-20 13:07:25 · answer #9 · answered by buyone32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This wedding is really important for her because you are her only daughter. But...it's not her wedding...it's yours. Tell your mom that you really appreciate her and you know that she just want the best for you. Show your respect and love to her. Tell her that you really need her help as a mother to be in your side...you know...kinda encourage you, give you advices about marriage, and things like that. Convince her that the wedding is the first step that you suppose to do by your own on your marriage. You really need her...but you are the bride who going to deal with it.
2006-06-20 13:13:07 · answer #10 · answered by l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋