How to make her understand is bad for his son ??

Question

My hubby & his EX have a 10yr son. They divorce when he was 4 but ever since his mom had always bought him every video game it comes out with 3-5 games to play. But she let's him play all day if he wants & when my step-son comes home he wants to do the same thing he rather like to play his x-box or his game boy than playing with us or go outside on the bike or to the park..My hubby allready talk to her & explain the situation but she seems not to understand there is always problems w/my hubby & his son cuz of the video games his son doesn't obey him & his mom just laugh she thinks its funny. My hubby had try to take away the video games & game boy by hidding them so he can play w/ his brother & sis.BUt what he end up doing is just be in his room watching TV, we took away the TV but he still ignores my hubby they used to had a good relationship but i think he is much into video games.What to do to help him out or make her understand is bad for him? We only get 2 see himtwiceayear

Answer 1

It's not the video games or the TV that's making things difficult. It's the fact that the boy only sees his father twice a year. His father is a stranger to him. Would you want to be forced to socialize with people you don't know? Not likely. Twice a year isn't enough. If more isn't possible, it would probably be better not to seem him at all. All you're doing is disrupting his life and forcing him into a situation that isn't ever going to be comfortable for him so it will never be a productive visit.

Answer 2

UNFORTUNATELY you are never going to make her see that HER way of parenting HER son is wrong... even though I TOTALLY agree with you, it IS! What I sense maybe going on here looks more like the mom is being the "good guy" (in the eyes of the boy) and makes your husband (and you) out to be the "bad guy(s)" which in the end only hurts the little boy. I agree you should continue to not make watching TV, playing videos etc an option at your house, tell him this straight out. The rule is when he is at your house only some much time for tv (maybe an hour or two over a weekend) , and there is no playing video games. Tell him that you all have such a small amount of time with him and that he can play video games ANYTIME when he's with his mom, and that you would rather he spend time with the family. 10 year old boys still think they are the center of the universe so it may be hard for him to believe that anyone else but him has any feelings in this matter, tell him about these feelings, and validate HIS feelings by telling him you understand he LIKES to play these and it might feel like he's being punished by having them taken away, but it's really that you love him so much you want to spend time with him. Try taking him camping sometime (then tv and electricity isn't even an option). Ask him (outside of playing video games and watching tv) what HE wants to do, he may be more inclined to participate in family activities if they are more related to what he likes and wants to do. OR do a complete 180 on him, tell him he can play (appropriate) video games in a tournament with the rest of the family (make sure the games are multi player) and get the whole family involved in who's the best! You mentioned having a brother and a sister, try to make sure the video game is down to the lowest person's age range, (unless the youngest person is really too young to play, then they can be a cheerer for their favorite family member). It is a way to bring your family into his world, and maybe after you do this once or twice he will get into spending time with the family more than playing his videos and you can move the events away from the videos. I know it can be frustrating, dealing with kids his age isn't easy (especially when he is not at your house all the time). I truly hope you all can work something out, as a last resort maybe you want to try some family councelling.

Answer 3

it is impossible to make someone see something they dont want to . seems that maybe she does this on purpose . sounds like she is doing a great job of being a ***** ! honestly .
i would just keep up with not having a tv in his room and not allowing him a game station when he visits . make sure to plan activities for the family to do as a whole and everyone participate . have him explain to his son that the time he is there is valuable . have him spend some time alone with him too doing things the son enjoys that way there is bonding time .
divorce is never fun for anyone and it is hard on kids .
the ex will do what she does and probably knows it is causing problems . that is why she does it . that is truely sad on her part . but unfortunately that is what sometimes happens .
best of luck and hope this helped some

Answer 4

The quickest way to turn a kid off of anything is to start doing it with him. I suggest your hubby gets a video game of his own and practises with it until he is pretty good .... next time he visits they can play together and your husband will be better than him ... that should take care of the issue in short order and if not there is nothing wrong with things working both ways .... you guys need to share in his interests to the same extent you want him to share in yours.

Answer 5

My life is simiallr and I'm sort of in the kids postion her... What I'd like my mothre to do is to stop trying to buy my love with the occasional candy and card and force me to spend time with her. I havn't seen her in 6 years until she came to visit once when I was graduation 7th grade! But that is another story... The dad needs to go out to a move or baseball game with his son... go somewhere that will spark his intrest, but make sure it's age ppropriate... u dont wanna bore him with a childis harcade or something... family vacation time is another idea... but dont favor one child over the other... letting them all know you love them equally also helps with a a parent child relationship.

Answer 6

he's 10....difficult age even w/out video games.
but you have to understand that his x has substituted love for video games. its easier that way.
you cant undo in 1 week what she has created in 6 months. this child lacks social and emotional skills. therefore probably is desensitized and feels uncomfortable with emotions. dont ruin the little time you have with him by fighting..... reinforce to him that you disagree but that he wil;l always be loved and part of your family anyway.... in many years, this will pay off.
as far as the -X-...dont beat a dead horse. she is clueless and when the son starts adolescence, and rebellion (a natural part of adolescence) when she tries to "talk " to him, she will realize how wrong she was when he disobeys her, because eventually the xbox will be replaced by the computer and sexual self-exploration.

Answer 7

Explain to him that you guys don't get to see him that often. And that you would like to spend time with him. Tell him you're not doing this to hurt him in anyway. Let him know that his video game time, will be when he's with his mom. Also, tell him that you want his brother and sister to get to know him better. They can't know him if he's always in the room, and busy.

Answer 8

Remove the TV for good and Video game system and games. If she buys him more..dump them too.

No more treats either.

Obviously his ex is an idiot.

Answer 9

looks like that boy is wiser than his mother, mother is supposed to teach all this. mother should be a good teacher.