I am getting married to the love of my life in August!! problem is I am not sure if I should invite my mom!! when I was growing up she was a drunk and a druggie! I just started talking to her in January and now I am wondering if I should invite her or not!! she says shes changed but I don't want her ruining our special day!! my fiance says its up 2 me! any advice?!
2006-06-20 05:19:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your special day is always gonna be special because Your taking a big step to having your own family. Do invite her so she can be proud of you. Do invite her because It might be the one thing that inspires her to keep working to get better.. Its hard road and if she isnt supported she will fall.. Family needs to support each other even if they are falling and stumbling.
2006-06-20 05:23:39 · answer #1 · answered by trudie_barraza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's up to you too, but I would invite her. It sounds like she (and you) are trying to make a mends of a bad relationship. Not inviting her would only put a wedge between the two of you. I'm not saying that would be something she wouldnt get over, and she'd probably understand, but I think if you want to move on and get to know her better she should be invited. I'm not saying she should be escorted in, or light your unity candle, but I would at least invite her and seat her with the family. Also, I cant really think of any way that she would ruin your special day. There are a lot of things that go wrong at weddings, and yet, the day is not ruined. We all have family members (the black sheep) but they certainly do not ruin our day.
2006-06-20 12:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be straight up with her. Tell her your concerns and let her know that you would love for her to be there but you don't want to risk the chance of ruining the big day for you or your fiance. If she is recovered she will know how she behaved and what she did was wrong. Spend more casual time with her to see if you can judge for yourself if she has changed. If you believe she has then invite her but if you are still unsure see if there is a close friend that will keep an eye on her at the wedding and steer her out if she regresses. Good luck and congratulations.
2006-06-20 12:30:08 · answer #3 · answered by vancie121 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend some quality time with her. Can you see changes in her? Anyone can say they have changed. But seeing is believing. Is she in rehab? has she gone through steps? I would tactfully touch on the subject, and let her know about your concerns. If she HAS truly changed she is going to understand.
We have a family member that is in a program, and he wouldn't bat an eye, because it Is something to be expected. It would be nice. How long has she been out of your life? and as someone else suggested. Have a few people that can quietly escort her out if she is out of line. Heck think about it there are parents that go that DON'T drink or do drugs and can cause nasty scenes....
My Ex Husbands present wife caused a scene because we attended his sisters wedding, and she was swearing horribly in the church in front of people and it was G**DA** this and that and get the 4%^(^%$%*%(*$#@ out of here or I am Leaving...guess what..they asked her to leave :) So see people just have to be nasty in general. Hope this has Helped ...Good Luck and Wishing you the best no matter what you decide. Just remember that marriage is something you will always have to work at ... it is a 24/7 job. :)
2006-06-20 12:46:40 · answer #4 · answered by sj47830 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. I think you need to make sure that she has changed and is no longer drinking and doing drugs. If she's clean you should invite her, if she's not, don't. She could ruin you and your fiances big day. Just make sure you won't feel guilty for the rest of your life if you don't. My husbands father is the same kind of person, a drug addict. We did not invite him to the wedding, but we did ask him to a small reception that we had about a month after the wedding.
2006-06-20 12:37:03 · answer #5 · answered by Babes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's your mom and if you want her at your wedding she should be there. But you might have someone keep an eye on her so she doesn't have too much champagne. If you guys don't have the best relationship and you don't really want her there, break it to her easy. Try not to hurt her feelings, but it's you and your fiance's special day and that's what matters. It really boils down to what will make you happy.
2006-06-20 12:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by kaiticometrue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS IS MY LIFE! No, really. My mom was the same way and we had the exact same dillimia!
We invited her and told the planner about her. It was the planner's job to keep her busy if it appeared she would cause trouble. It worked out fine.
Think about this way: If you don't want her there it is your choice. Is mom a name for a woman you know or the caregiver in your life? Is it fair that she should be there to celebrate?
2006-06-20 14:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by Rev Mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
set up a visit sometime soon - that way you can kind of feel her out to see how much progress she has really made with her life changes. hmm, you could always invite her either way - just put some other family members on "mom watch" so if she starts to get a little crazy then they can take care of her.
2006-06-20 12:23:46 · answer #8 · answered by asherdaire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..even though she is your mother ..she was not the best of mothers and since she JUST RECENTLY started to clean up her act .....and their will probably be wine at the wedding ..its makes no sense to put her around temptation...i mean i know it sounds harsh not to invite your mom but considering the circumstances....i would not give anyone the slighest chance to mess up my wedding day....thats what camcorders are for..make a tape and send it to her....but dont let your wedding day get ruin......
2006-06-20 12:26:49 · answer #9 · answered by outspokenone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...thats a prediciment...but you know what? i think you should invite her. the past is the past and who knows, your relationship with your mother could go from strength to strength. if you dont invite her, the rejection might send her backward and back on the slippery slope. talk about your worries with her and have a lovely wedding day x
2006-06-20 12:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by lovin_me2day 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋