what is your all-time favorite joke?

Question

i dont care what kind they are, just tell them to me.

Answer 1

there was a blonde, burnette and a redhead. They were running from the sheriff and his deputy. They came upon three pototoe sacks. They all got in a different sack. The Deputy was too lazy to look in the sacks. Instead he kicked them. He kicked the redhead. She said "Meow." the deputy said to the sheriff: There's a cat in this one. He kicked the burnetts sack and said "woof." He said "There's a dog in this one." he kicked the blondes sack. She said "potatoes.

Answer 2

im laughing most of the time reading this!!! here it goes


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After
a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and
answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps
herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she
opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but
excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor,"
she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say
anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

Answer 3

There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of world capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of London?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: L."
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"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitresswalks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street andthere was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of thestreet. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

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A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video shop and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video shop to complain.

Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Shop assistant: "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Blonde says "It's called 'Head Cleaner."

Answer 4

satan is called a fallen or rebelious angel because god put a 1000 year seal(M) on Him. and god is an angel who rebelled against himself by putting a IVI(stitched together) seal on his own left wrist. and i think the EMPEROR noticed because cut the word five times and it says E IVIPERIODI\.

but the Lamb=Larrib and b=a DI stitched together like the shape of satan's IIII I wrist. and SLAIN=SIL A I IV if you read between the lines. and people call him larry.

so thats another Lamb who was SLAIN that lives to this very day as Larri IIII I . and no offense to jesus but God died is the way i interprete the verse that says God Jehovah's spirit will not be on men for all time in that his flesh is also mortal.

A b add on is a DI stitched together like picture shows.

and A bad don hates him because he is the nice guy who finishes on BOTTUM as M U T. TODD.

Answer 5

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.
They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"

Answer 6

2 blondes were driving down the highway when they needed to peed. They get out of their car do their thing and when they want to open their car its locked, "oh no said the first blonde we locked ourselves out, what should we do?

I don't know said the other blonde but its starting to rain really hard lets go inside that hut before we get wet and lets figure out this later.

What a great Idea said the other blonde,
" LET ME JUST GRAB MY PURSE FROM THE CONVERTIBLE BEFORE IT GETS WET"

Answer 7

two crows are sitting on an old plough. they're hungry, and they see this cow patty lying on the ground, so they both hop down there and eat, then hop back up on the plough. well, one takes off, flies about 150 feet, and drops like a stone. the other one takes off, makes it about 200 feet and drops to the ground.
moral of the story? don't fly off the handle when you know you're full of sh*t.

Answer 8

my favorite joke is the 1st 1 i learned when i was 3:

-KNOCK KNOCK!!!

-who's there?

-lil ol' lady

-lil ol' lady who???


get it?? when u say lil ol lady who it sounds like ur yodeling. yeah i kno it's corny but when i was 3 it was the funniest thing in the world to me.

Answer 9

Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?


The hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Answer 10

What did the penny say to the penny?