Hello. I've noticed how many christians are constantly emphasizing leaving and cleaving so you can have a healthy marriage. Honestly I don't really understand the principle. How does dumping your parents and siblings result in a healthy marriage? I'm very close to my twin brother and parents and if my husband ever made me choose I would probably resent him rather than see him as a real man for "stealing" me away from my family.
Also how everyone exphasizes putting your spouse first. Thats ok but what ever happened to compromise? Since when did acting like a dictator and expecting your spouse to focus only on you and forget everyone else, even those that he loves, be good for a marriage?
2006-06-20 04:39:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The idea is that you are going to start a new family with the person that you marry and that has to be your first priority in life. It doesn't mean that you stop honoring your parents or that you can't be close to your siblings anymore, it just means that your spouse has priority and they know that they are the most important thing to you.
It's not "dumping your parents" you continue to respect them and talk to them and care about them, but when your mother (or mother-in-law) wants make your decisions for you, it is important to remember that you and your spouse are entitled to make your own decisions about your future now.
Beleive me this will come up often in your marriage, especially in the first few years. You need to make it clear to your parents that you still love and respect them but that you are an adult and you and your spouse are starting your own family.
This does not mean that your spouse can be a dictator - no, they need to consider your wants and your needs and even your desire to be close to your family - but if you keep the ties to your family tighter than the ties to your husband or wife you are headed straight for a divorce.
2006-06-20 04:46:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This doesn't mean completely abandon your family... what it does mean is that your priorities change. Growing up you listen to your family, you go to them for advice, comfort and support. When you get married, the primary source for those emotional (and spiritual) support becomes your spouse. In a healthy relationship, putting the other person ahead of yourself is a two way street. This isn't about lording over your spouse... it's about giving up selfish considerations out of respect for your spouse. (Yeah guys, that means when your wife doesn't feel well, you should skip going out with the boys and stay home and watch the kids for her.) What is important to remember is this: Marriage is about each other. you love each other and take care of each other. Isolation and control is not healthy... but if you are honest with each other (and faithful to each other) cleaving (or clinging) to your spouse will be easy and leaving your parents won't seem like such a shock... after all, you can still see them whenever you want.
2016-03-26 22:46:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you cleaved to your parents and siblings as a child didnt you have a life, and friends? isnt that how you fell in love, while you were still a part of your family?
When you were part of your family you did everything with them and for them, and with them foremost in your mind and heart.
Once you get married that loyalty changes. Your spouse comes first, and your family second. It doesnt mean that you stop loving them, or seeing them, or being with them, or enjoying them, or anything like that.
It means your heart and head changes. Your husband and your offspring come first in your thoughts and energies, and your family is right behind you, backing you up, being there for you, and you for them.
Two parts of two different families stepped away from those families and became one on their own. Theyre a separate entity that functions on its own accord, but is still tied to those families.
The problems in marriages are when your parents or siblings become more important to you than your spouse and children. You can have both, just everything in its place. Its not difficult, or sad, and everything functions smoother when it has its place.
If everything is working for you then obviously you've got it down pat, so why are you freaking out about it?
2006-06-20 04:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that "leaving and cleaving" means disowning your family. But often times we allow our blood relatives to have too much of a say in our lives. As a married couple you are each other's priority. In greek mythology it was Psyche's sisters that planted the seed of suspicion concerning Cupid. Psyche broke her promise to him because of that resulting in him fleeing. The reason I bring that up is because I don't think that it is only the Bible that encourages husbands and wives to cleave to one another. When you start listening to other people, or telling other people things they don't need to know, many problems can arrise. "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Just a thought..
2006-06-20 04:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by ali.firefly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This means that your priority should be your immediate family, which is your spouse and your children. You leave your parents so that you, yourself, have your own family.
You should never neglect or abandon you parents or siblings.
This wouldn't be common sense. But, respect them and of course love them. Always use common sense.
Please keep in mind that the state recognizes your immediate family as your children and spouse, when you are married.
2006-06-20 04:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by LP S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don;'t take it literally. it's meant figuratively....yes, you must put your spouse first because that is the person you are building a NEW life and NEW family with...ofcourse, you will still love your family and be there for/and with them; but, you will spend the majority of your time with your spouse...if you don't do that, WATCH THE CHAOS begin
2006-06-20 04:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It mean marriage.
Marriage does not mean only the two of you becoming one, but the two families involve becoming one according to the law, hence we have sister in-law, brother in-law, father in-law, mother in-law and all the other in-laws.
2006-06-20 04:51:59 · answer #7 · answered by askglory2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's mainly about a man leaving his mother to screw his wife.
a woman leaving her father to screw her husband.
it prevents birth defects.
2006-06-20 05:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by Stuie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋