what is the best way to tell someone that they need to improve their parenting skills ?

Question

my neighbor got upset because someone said something to her about her kids and she took it as they think she is a bad mom .
her kids are 2. 3. &4. they never have clothes on when they are outside , all still take bottles [one sufferes baby bottle tooth decay ] none are being potty trained . the kids were brought home by the police because they wondered into a fastfood place alone , not to mention a neighbor brought them home once also from the same fast food place.
they are rarely supervised outside. never have shoes on , and are just down right filthy all the time .
how would you go about saying something to her with out being outright mean about it ? she sometimes asks me to keep an eye out for her kids while she is at school . i have 5 kids of my own and she knows the neighbors compare the fact with 5 and 2 having mental disabilities i take care of my kids better then she does .
any suggestions?

there is a father .
and yes she does call me and tell me what my kids were outside doing , even knowing i NEVER let them out of my sight .
she has asked why it seems that people think she is a bad mom . so to me that is soliciting advice.

she herself has stated she fears them being taken . i am not going to call dfs on her . i just want to know what would be the best way to talk to her . she has already stated she is very afraid they will be taken and has asked why other neighbors have claimed she is a bad mom . so theretically she has asked my opinion on the situation . i am just trying to find the best things to say to her and how to say it with out being like the other neighbors.
as far as placing calls to have the kids removed > NO < NEVER. anyone who has seen what that actually does to children whose parents just need a little help would agree with me . the kids are bounced from foster home to foster home , and usually physically or sexually abused , which is much worse than my neighbors short commings.
i am looking for a non judgemental response as to what would be the best way to talk to her about this . she values my opinion , and i would like give some constructive critisism before someone else makes a call

Answer 1

If this woman is asking for your opinion, then be honest with her. Tell her exactly what you told us - that her kids are filthy, still use bottles, have tooth decay, and are unsupervised.

A "good" parent would make sure their children are always supervised, and if they're outdoors (and that young) the parent is present and watching over them, so they can't wander out into the streets. A good parent would also be concerned over hygiene and health and take their children to see the dentist. Even if she can't afford it, I'm sure there are state/federally funded services that can provide dental/medical attention.

It sounds to me that she might just be lazy. Not taking the time needed to actually mother her children by bathing them, playing with them, etc.

You might also be helpful in providing CONSEQUENCES to her if she doesn't shape up her act. If she's scared DSS will take her kids away why isn't she changing? Not only that, explain to her that children who are unsupervised outside could get kidnapped, run over by a car, etc. And tell her you wouldn't be surprised if DSS knocked on her door, either.

Answer 2

You should not say anything to the mother. You already know she won't listen to anyone. Keep an eye on things and try to get the authorities to check the home. If you see them leaving the area then call police to get them. After a few times of that they will get some one to check. Evidently no father.

Answer 3

She's not going to listen to your or anyone else's advice. The best thing for those kids is to report her to child protective services. They don't necessarily take the kids. They could send her to parenting classes or help her get the help she needs to not be overwhelmed. They do not always just snatch and run and most foster homes are good homes. The media is what makes it sound like they are not. Please call them. These kids need your help.

Answer 4

Don't, unless they ask for you opinion. She has her own way of doing things. Regardless of what the neighbors think. I don't think this is any of your business. I don't agree with what she is doing, but they are her kids. Does she come over and tell you how to treat your kids? I didn't think so.
The only thing you could do is report her, but it sound like to me that they already know. You said the police brought her kids home right. They had to file a report.

Answer 5

In my humble opinion, she needs to have DCS called. The children are suffering and are more then likely to get hurt or killed running around at that age with no supervision. There is no reason they should be outside without clothes on. Sexual predators are everywhere, I see it everyday in my job field. DCS can help her with parenting classes all the way to job interview skills to help her gain better control over her life. As for babysitting, tell her you can not do it, as you are overloaded yourself and barely have time to care for the ones you already have. Sometimes it hurts to be honest, but in this case the welfare of the children is definately at risk. Childern are our future! Good luck.

Answer 6

This is what's wrong with people. Always in someone elses business. Yea, that's not how I raise my own kids, but whose to say she doesn't love them and if you call DFCAS and her babies get taken, they stand a better chance of being TRULY abused in that setting, so I say mind your business and let her learn her own lessons in life. Trust me, the police keep track of how often they have to round up people's kids off the streets and bring them home. They have the authority to get up in her mix if they feel it's serious enough.

Answer 7

Well I would cut right to the chase and call protective services. I have called them many times on my sister cause your describing her. Not every one is a good mother. Just report her. You can do it annonamosly. She shouldnt have kids that she cant take care of. It makes me so mad when kids are neglected.

Answer 8

Personally, I think you should report this to someone because that is neglect. Her 2, 3, & 4 yr old children are wandering around to fast food restaurants? That is neglect. Not to mention she's not even taking time to clothe or potty train them. Report them before one of them ends up getting seriously hurt.

Answer 9

Call a child protective service. If all that happens outside the home can you imagine what goes on inside.

Answer 10

leave a parenting book outside her door or in her house
whatever, find other family memebers and consult. if not call the police and dyfs or or child services, hey like a good neighbor dyfs is there, LOL