What to do about controlling sister in law?

Question

My brother is married to a very controllingwife. He has not even called/spoken to my parents in over a year. He doesn't call on mothers/fathers day and no longer sees my children whom he was extremely close to before he was married. I mostly feel terrible for my parents who are older now and were always devoted parents. My brother told my mom (before he was married) that his wife needs people to fuss over her and why can't (my mom) just make a fuss over his (bride). My mom is very loyal but we are not people that generally make a fuss over others. My mom would invite them over and be cordial and pleasant but most of her time now is spent taking my dad to doctor visits, etc. His wife was very petty around the wedding. (she is 40). My brother told me I was not accepting of his wife. When i asked what I did he said I never ran up to hug his wife at their engagement. By the way - sister in law's father never saw his family again also once he got married. How do I help my parents?

We have all tried to reach out to him. My mom even sent a note and said if his wife doesn't feel comfortable with them, at least he could visit his father. No response. My parents have been giving their whole lives. Its my bro's turn to give a little back. We even all attended a "doing" at his house last year. She pretended to be nice but then later called my mom and started screaming at her about petty things like that I didn't eat enough or bringing up their wedding again saying she didn't like the dress my mom wore....

We have all tried to reach out to him. My mom even sent a note and said if his wife doesn't feel comfortable with them, at least he could visit his father. No response. My parents have been giving their whole lives. Its my bro's turn to give a little back. We even all attended a "doing" at his house last year. She pretended to be nice but then later called my mom and started screaming at her about petty things like that I didn't eat enough or bringing up their wedding again saying she didn't like the dress my mom wore....

I meant to say that I didn't eat enough at their informal "doing". the thing is, i have NEVER seen his wife eat more than a strawberry and i never called her up to complain that she didn't eat my food

Answer 1

Honestly, there probably isn't much you can do. It's not your problem, it's his! You can help your parents out by making sure you help them out! Be there when they need you, make sure the kids see them often, be willing to help them out with the doctor's appointments, shopping, etc..
As for your brother and his wife--just leave it alone. When he finally sees for himself that he's lost his family, he'll take the steps to fix the problem that he's helped create. You being critical or rubbing his nose in it won't help--it will just make it harder for him to find his way home again.

Answer 2

Controlling Sister In Law

Answer 3

I can understand where you are coming from but it sounds like you may have some jealousy issues. I am sure that she does not realize that you feel the way you do and as far as picking between you and your sister maybe your sister in law picks your sister because your jealousy shows up when you are with her and you don't realize it and she is irritated. Who knows. Whatever it is don't take it personally. She probably has certain things in mind that she wants. About her being controlling of your brother, I am thinking that your jealousy is making you think that he is being controlled. He is probably not. You need to understand too that when you are married there is a lot of family to catch up with on Thanksgiving and Christmas. They can only do what they can do. You need to calm down and not be so emotional and jealous. :o)

Answer 4

This can be a touchy situation. The day will come that you will need your brother's help with your aging parents. By the sounds, he won't be there for you. All you can do is keep communication open with your brother. Don't expect great things from him. It is his choice to be a son to your parents. You don't even have to talk to his wife. Send him a card or a note keeping him in touch of what is happening with the family. When you have a gathering invite them. But don't kiss any feet. He may have his wife on a pedestal but the day will come he will realize she kept him from his family. You can do just so much. Do your best and that is all anyone can ask of you.

Answer 5

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RE:
What to do about controlling sister in law?
My brother is married to a very controllingwife. He has not even called/spoken to my parents in over a year. He doesn't call on mothers/fathers day and no longer sees my children whom he was extremely close to before he was married. I mostly feel terrible for my parents who are older now and...

Answer 6

There could be other issues with these family members. MY husband and I were a lot closer to his family when we were first married. We would visit his sisters and brothers (there are 6 of them) and their family's, we would baby sit the nieces and nephews, attend parties and all types of family things, but when they are asked to come to our house they would not attend. I do know that part of them smoke and they know that we are not smokers, but my mother is and she comes to our house. They don't even stop in to visit if they are in the area, one of the brothers lives not even a mile away, and the other brother drives right by the area we live in . So, now my husband is to the point if they want to see us then they can come to our house. (We even asked everyone over for Christmas and they all said yes, (which meant cooking for about 30 people we are not rich. They would come and only one couple showed up. My husband had even helped one of them with her new home it was in need of a lot of work. So maybe there is a reason they have not been around the others, maybe they are tired of giving and giving all the time. Like us.

Answer 7

its no use blaming ur sister in law. its ur brother who doesnt have a back bone. i understand she is stubborn, but there is also a nice side of her, so ur brother should know how to get his things done by conviencing her by driving the issues through her nice sides. if again she is not willing to maintain the relationship with ur parents then the only way is do it his way, call parents from outside, and make up some reasons for a travel to go far, etc... but its easy to say to divorce but very hard to over come it. so try to be calm and smart to handle women

Answer 8

Spend more time with your parents, which will help them keeping their mind of your brother. Regarding your sister in law, just leave here alone, there is absolutly no need for dramas in family!!! And your brother, there is a term guys use, PW. Sooner or later he will snap out, hope it is not later....

Answer 9

Wow.... that is a tough situation. Unfortunately, all you can do is support your parents. The rest is up to your brother. Keep talking to him and letting him know how this affecting the family. He is missing out on a lot!! Perhaps he just needs a good wake-up call.

My brother didn't get his until our father went in the hospital.

Answer 10

There's not much you can do if he has his mind set. But one day he will regret not being in touch with his family. The day he doesnt pamper her anymore she will look else where and he better hope his family is still around. (which it sounds like you will be) I would still make attempts to be in touch with him. You never know he might feel trapped and that he made a mistake and doesnt want to have egg on his face.