Will my depression adversely affect my children?

Question

I am suffereing from depressive illness and am petrified that this will have an effect on my two young children. My relationship with my husband has almost broken down and I just don't want my children to have be frightened or worried or traumatised by anything that is happening in my life at the moment.

Answer 1

yes it will...severly too!

Answer 2

Bless you, I used to suffer from depression too, also have 2 young children and my husband put up with a lot. I was healed by God, please consider this as an option because it does happen. If I hadn't been healed I may still be on medication which I took for about 3 years. It was good stuff, it made me feel normal again. Are you not taking anything? As for your children, they will be affected, of course they will, children pick up on so many things, if they are old enough then explain what's happening, and make sure they know it's not their fault. I'm not a child expert so it would be wrong to make comments. Depression can be beaten. I will pray for you.

Answer 3

Yes, it will affect them...


However, you should realize a few things that escape the population of this generation. First, the idea that a pill will cure you is simply silly and immature, not useful. If you believe that you could take a Prozac-like medication to level out mood swings or something, you are actually leaving yourself more open to weaknesses. Short term? Sure, it seems nice, but you don't learn self control, and you don't gain ground, unless you are actively and consciously telling yourself to strengthen up, control your emotions, and remove the medication from your life by willpower.

Second, children absorb the personalities of parents like a damp sponge absorbs water. How the parents act, what they do, what they believe, etc, will always affect their children. The truth is, the children's ideas and opinions will either mirror the parents or contradict them according to their personal revelations and the negative or positive influences they realize while growing up. Because of this, you should be EXTRA careful how you appear to your children, especially about how your relationship is with your husband, because if they see issues between the two of you on a daily basis, it could cause either a mirror effect (they will believe that relationships are based on unconstructive arguments and lack of foundation) or reactive effect (they will do everything in their power to prevent arguments, which will cause adverse effects in their relationships too). Our world is now a "me-me-me" world, which is why you should be conscious and take extra steps to show that it's not about your issues, but about the issues that could be reflected in those around you.

Talk to your children. If they are really young, show them you love them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes and tick you off, yadda yadda. Do it as a couple (husband and wife) to show that it's not THEIR fault that you two have arguments. If they are old enough to understand, have conversations from time to time, discussing the issues you have, both emotionally and with your husband. It might be difficult at times, but it is for the best. Just remember that when you discuss the issues with your husband, their father, to them, don't bring up the arguments in a "see what he does!" kind of form. That will not help, but show biasness to the "it's all about me" mentality, and could cause the children biasness to one family member over the other.


Lastly, I wish you the best, and I offer this very useful piece of advise, concerning your depression:

Life is a TIDE.

If our lives were a straight line, no hills, no valleys, it would be boring. Regardless on how difficult life can be at times, the up and down portions of it allow you to appreciate the great moments and develop a sort of callousness toward the bad. Remember that, at all times, the moment will not last. If it's good, it will peter out and go down hill. If it's bad, it will smooth out and give a good. There is not one man on this green earth that has not had positive times and negative times, always having the opposite after a bout of one or the other. The tide will come in, the tide will go out. Never forget the tide. When you're down, remind yourself of the tide. Recall that the tide will come back in, and that you can make it through--it's only temporary! Write notes to remind you, have your husband or children remind you...but whatever you do, never, never forget the tide.

Answer 4

The fact that you are thinking about this and are worried enough to put the question on Yahoo Answers is going a long way towards rectifying the problem. You are obviously very concerned about your kids welfare and that is great, depressed or not! Please try to keep any marital conflict out of the way of the kids, give them their own time where they choose games etc. Have you got any aunties or uncles who could do something upbeat with the kids and so you can have your own time? You also need to look after yourself too! I hope the situation gets better for you soon, and well done for putting the children first.

Answer 5

Yes it definitely will children are like little sponges they absorb everything around them and before they could even talk they could read your facial expressions so they know if your upset, unhappy, miserable etc. Also depression makes you very tired and unable to interact normally so in a way the children will feel neglected, like your not really there. I truly believe the only cure for depression is exercise and talking therapies, it does you no good to bottle everything up and the exercise gives you a feeling of well being the key is not to let depression control you but you control the depression. Good luck

Answer 6

Well, that was a helpful first answer.
Not if they can see you taking steps to help yourself, that way they learn that problems can be solved. Children that grow up too protected can be selfish and lack empathy as adults. They can't see why other people find things difficult, or can't solve their problems. Then the first time they come unstuck themselves they don't have the skills to get help or cope.
You also need to explain to them, in language appropriate for their age, that you are having a bad time and don't feel great, but that lots of people go through this and its temporary. Reassure them that you love them, and that you'll all stick together and help each other out. There are some leaflets for kids who's parents have various issues, get them as much info as you can.
You need extra support and shouldn't feel embarrassed or guilty about needing it or asking for it.
Remember to look after them, just grit your teeth, kick yourself up the behind, get up out of bed and get on with a daily routine, even if you don't feel like it, even if its difficult. Doing something for your kids is often easier than doing something for yourself!
Get some counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy so you've got someone to dump on without feeling guilty.
Do something positive for yourself every single day, gardening or reading or drawing, whatever you find enjoyable. Keep your mind busy with practical stuff.
Good luck and don't worry, you are NOT damaging your kids.

Answer 7

I really hope that you are seeing a good therapist and taking effective medication right now. A good therapist may be able to help you heal your relationship with your husband. Also, he/she would be able to offer you suggestions for helping your children deal with your illness. Unfortunately, depression not only affects the one suffering from it, but it affects everyone around that person, as well. Good luck and take care.

Answer 8

Yes, this will adversely effect your children.

I assume the problem that is effecting your relationship with your husband is the major cause of the depression. If so you and your husband need to address these problems with professional help.

Answer 9

only if you let it. Whereas the relationship with your husband will have a resounding effect on your children.

Go and deal with your issues. I would advise a hypnotherapist who is NLP certified, it has help dozens of people who I know of.


There is a theory that depression is hereditory, I don;t subscribe that. Some people are genetically more depressive, but also we pick up a lot of our behehioural traits when we are children, bear that in mind.

Set yourself free, you do not need to "put up" with this, you can rid yourself of this when you are ready to help yourself and your children for their long term mental health.

Good luck

Answer 10

Depression always touches the people who are close to us. Depending on the age of the children, you need to sit them down and explain what depression is and how it is affecting you and the family. Reasure them that the depression is not because of them and that you love them and just how much it bothers you that what you are going through is touching them. It might even be helpful to find some counseling for them or joint counseling. I run a group for P.T.S.D. and there is some information there that might help you on depression and children.

Boo

Answer 11

Is your depression endogenous (No aparent cause) or reactive (Due tp bad circumstances such as present situation) ? Is there a history of mental health disorders in your family? These constitute a good basis to work out on your concerns.

parents suffering from mental health problems can pass on their illness to the unborn foetus however !!! What happens in the womb does not need to become a definite problem. Primary socialisation and peer group will mould your children to respond one way or another.

What your children need first and foremost is to see you use your coping mechanisms and stop panicking. You say you are petrified that your depressive illness will affect your children. This brings on another source of anxiety that do not need!

I can imagine that you are feeling pretty low and your children notice it too but you can influence their own coping abilities. For instance do not act in a reactive manner (I'm depressed hence i'm scared) Instead become proactive! Tell yourself that indeed you are depressed but then you're not on your own. Depressive illness affects more people than you would imagine! Start taking positive steps to fight back.

Ask your GP for help (If you haven't already done so), if you're on medications then comply! Do not forget to take them for a while simply because you can't be bothered or you're feeling a bit better.

Take the plunge and join a self-help group where you will be able to meet up with others suffering from depressive disorders, share your views, fears etc. These groups work wonder (I'd recommend them before Prozac any day) because they enable you to share your experience with others, gain and give support too! You can make valuable friends there who will help you as you will help them. You see often depression results in the patient withdrawing because too taken with his/her own problems to realise that such problems are affecting their families, friends, society at large really! So by atttending self-help, you empower yourself to get better, regain some sort of control over the depression.

Then your relationship with your husband. You say it has almost broken down. Does this mean there is still a little door ajar somewhere? A possibility that you might get back together? Is your relationship worth saving? If so visit a marriage counsellor. I know you may have a brave wait but through your GP, self-help group, MENCAP, you could possibly get a quicker apointment. Alternatively a community nurse could help!

Your children will obviosuly be very worried. No matter how old/young they are, they can tell that all is not well at home! They may be afraid of your relationship breaking down, daddy leaving them for good, could blame themslves even! So you need to establish communication with your husband. tell him to forget whatever is wrong between you (And you forget it as well) Just for a while, time to fiscuss what is best for the children, what to tell them and how to tell them! And both reassure them that this rocky patch is between you two, not them! They have to realise that they are not to be blamed for your difficulties and that even though you may not love each other as much as you did ... You still love them both from the bottom of your heart.

Finally tell your children that you are taking active steps towards getting better and that they can help you! Join in as part of a game. When mummy looks down they give her a cuddle and mummy must give them a cuddle and think of three nice and positive things to say to them. Not only 'I love you' but activities such as 'We'll take a walk down to the park' or 'We'll watch a DVD of their choice' or 'We'll play a game of their choice' etc ...
Make a conscious effort to keep up to it and your mood will lift because you will then concentrate solely on being positive for your children.

Achieve that and you're half way there! Then move on! Do it for yourself and you'll have won the best battle ever. Your children will feel proud of you and you will feel proud of yourself too. Meantime ... They'll have learnt how to work on their own coping mechanisms without even noticing! And that believe me will be one of the best forms of prevention you can equip them against depression.

Good luck