What's the difference between keeping a dog and keeping a man?
A dog will mess up your carpet, a man your whole life.
What's so special about Christmas?
It happens every day that a man is born who later thinks he is God.
How to you take revenge on a woman who has stolen your husband?
You let her keep him.
Whan can a man stand tall?
When the beer's on the top shelf.
Why can't a man be both beautiful and intelligent?
Because if he were, he would be a woman.
2006-06-19 21:58:08 · 14 answers · asked by * 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
well well!!!!! thanx for sharing sum funny ones....here are sum more!!!!
Guy no offense plzzzzzzzzz.....
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
2006-06-19 22:09:32 · answer #1 · answered by tia_alld 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
what is the difference in man andd woman?
a woman likes to satisfy one ane man but a man like to satisfy every woman.
2006-06-19 22:09:48 · answer #2 · answered by izzamary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lil cruel but true.I liked the last one most
2006-06-19 22:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by gagi4ka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's funny ! but why so bitter and cynical about men ? did some asshole really hurt you lately ?forget it ! there are plenty of fish in the water , just go out fishing !
2006-06-19 22:01:36 · answer #4 · answered by curioasa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol -- truly great ones, especially the last one. Here's one for you...
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
2006-06-20 01:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by sakura4eternity 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good one
2006-06-19 22:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by divapowergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol... very funny. Its a good one!
2006-06-19 22:09:45 · answer #7 · answered by Jasmine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow super, u said it all ;-)
2006-06-19 22:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by Alicia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha! hilarious and true , brilliant!
2006-06-19 22:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by mary902 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's cute
2006-06-19 22:02:29 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋