What should I do? Should I call the police, even though it feels stupid?

Question

I met a man at a nite club on Friday night. I couldn't get rid of him and he kept forcing himself on me. He got me drinking, even though I didn't want to- I'm sure he spiked my drink.My judgement wasn't good and I got him to walk me home and let him, after much saying no on my account, kiss me & hug me. I just gave in eventually. I feel stupid but something about him seemed nice, even though he was also an @Sshole. I was confused. I even gave him my phone number, but regret it. Now he is coming around to my place and harrassing me constantly to go out with him. When I said no, he dragged me to his car, and kept me away for 4 hours, he just kept driving around. He also went through my cupboards, bedroom and everything when I left the back door open. I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home and I'm terrified. I have very little support. My family is a long way away and I feel lonely. He is also criticising me constantly & asked me to marry him & told me how much he loved me after3dates

I just kept my door locked & my chain on. When I took his calls I threatened him with the police & he said, "they can't do anything'. Last time I went out with him, before I posted it, although he took me away against my will, he acted like I wanted to b there & said "you couldn't stand being away from me" Even though it was against my will. I told him my studies were more important & he was & he said "you're having a hard time deciding between me & study, alright I'll give you a choice, It's either me or study" was terrified to say anything when I was alone with him in case he decided to rape me. He was bigger & stronger & I was scared My neighbour saw a man that fit his description looking through my rubbish bin & I told her & she said if he comes around again she'd call the police. She is supporting me. I am, 2distraught & emotional to make the phonecall 2 the police myself. When he rang up again I said I would never sleep with him & he lost interest & I haven't heard from him since

Answer 1

It sounds like the problem you are having with him is totally your fault due to a serious lack of good judgement and of ineffective communication. This man , apparently, has had relationship issues for a long time and possibly, a psychosis along with it. Your first reaction to a man trying to force himself on you should have been to CALL THE POLICE, IMMEDIATELY after you told him NO and he continued to ignore your wishes. However, now it's too late. So, HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:
First, have all the locks on your doors secured and ALERT THE POLICE department in your area that this Cad is persistent in stalking you. Secondly, USE the locks on all of your doors at ALL TIMES!!! This is not a perfect world and you MUST LOCK YOUR DOORS because no one is going to pity or help you if you do not lock your doors! Feeling lonely is no excuse to behave stupidly. Thirdly, you may have to MOVE to a location far away from where he can find you as soon as possible, because restraining orders do not always work against psychotic men who are focused on" women who cannot say NO". You are right to be TERRIFIED! Do not ever allow yourself to be physically, near this man again. Finally, do not get your telephone number changed until you have completed the above instructions. Do the following RIGHT NOW: TELL SOMEONE WHO LIVES NEAR YOU whom you can trust to WATCH out for this maniac and to call the police if they see him near your residence, immediately. If you have a male relative or some real friends nearby, ask them to stay with you or take turns staying with you until this stalking psychotic is apprehended and locked up. If he calls you again, get a tape recorder and record his conversation so you will have a record of his name, address and phone number for the police department if you can get him to tell you this information. You must learn to ASSERT yourself if you are going to live alone. Get some assertiveness training, stay away from dangerous clubs where stalkers hang out and NEVER drink alcohol again because you can't handle it. If you do not follow these instructions, you need to go back to your family TODAY.

Answer 2

First, how about you take responsibility for your actions. You liked the guy and thougt him a nice guy bu you were wrong. Simple. Everyone plays the fool sometime. All that rubbish about him forcing you to drink and him spiking your drink are silly excuses you need to stop giving out. Coz no one is buying that shyte.

That said, it is your prerogative to date or see whoever you want. So with that in mind you need to tell the fella to step off. But don't do it when you are in the car alone with him, do it somewhere where you can be reasonably safe yet discrete enough. Like a restaurant or even your front porch during the daylight hours when you can scream for help incase anything goes wrong.

Tell him you don't like him anymore and/or you are interested in and/or seeing someone else. Tell him you aren't comfortable with him and would rather prefer if he didn't come round. Simple. Then send him on his way.

Then try not to let him into your house after that. Evenif that silly mood comes to you and tries to trick you again. Call that Police if he starts acting dangerous or attempts to enter your house by force.

Answer 3

I had a very similar situation 11 years ago. I wasn't living alone but a lady I lived with was going to call the police. I can't say no either. Believe me, if you have his name and a phone number, you can call the police. But tell him first. with me, after he kept asking me for sex, I lied to him and said I didn't believe in sex before marriage. Well, he suddenly lost all interest and I never heard from him again. Give him the big brush off- turn him off. And always try to have some support around you. Maybe tell someone close to you. He affected me for years and still affects me with what he did to me. I had a nervous breakdown because of it. I don't want to see anyone else go through what I went through all because I couldn't handle alcohol. Call the police now.

Answer 4

You've got a classic nut case stalker on your hands....first call the police and tell them what is going on then immediately block his calls from your phone. If he continues to harass you get a restraining order. Better to 'feel stupid' than to be raped or killed. Your assessment of him 'being nice' was probably just the alcohol talking but thinking he was an @sshole was right on the money and he is proving it by dragging you to his car, going through your personal stuff and telling you how much he loves you and wants to marry you after 3 dates. Change your locks and phone number, call the police cause this guys a loser and dangerous...it will only get worse.

Answer 5

Tell him to leave you alone. Make yourself very clear and tell him not to come around or you will call the police. It sounds like you made some bad judgment calls, but you shouldn't have to live with that. If he doesn't listen, then call the police just like you told him. If you need to go further, get a no-contact order.

Answer 6

You need to have a Friend around ( a guy would be best...big guy) and tell him you don't want him around anymore and that you will call the cops if he doesn't leave you alone. That way you have a witness. Then next time you call the cops and get a restraining order. Don't feel stupid. Just feel to nice.

Answer 7

Um, HELLO! Bad choices led to a bad situation. You need to get away now and call the police and get something filed. It might seem trivial, but if he continues to STALK you then you need background on it! Get help before he gets crazier!

Answer 8

I would defiantly talk to the police. They can give you the best advice in what to do in this situation. In the mean while don't except any of his calls if you can help it. Try to explain to him that you are not interested. Most importantly watch your back.

Answer 9

i think u should report it to the police. afterall it is all against ur will and plz keep some control on urself. i think u also found him interesting that night! so pla report it to the police or take some help from ur friend!

Answer 10

tell him over the phone that you don't want to see him anymore, tell him you are going to report to the police and get a restraining order, never see him again, have a friend around for awhile. he is crazy.