what do you think?

Question

my sister had a baby when she was 17. My parents accepted their granddaughter with open hearts and love. They took care of her ever since she was born. they told my sister to go to school and they would pay for education. however, my sister took advantage of this and started going to full-time jobs just so she could have money to buy things for herself and rarely bought things for the baby. my parents have grown attached to the baby as they take care of her more then the mom does. my mom wants to adopt my niece. do you think she should? but my sister won't allow it. do you think its selfish of her considering she hardly takes care of her and wants to take her away from my parents someday?

no, my sister doesn't want to give up custody of her kid. but she doesn't really care about her daughter. she loves her daughter, but rarely wants to "fully" take care of her. she thinks just playing with her when she feels like it will do it. her daughter is 1 now, and its very evident that she loves my parents more then her mom who is rarely there. my sister is awful at being a mom in the case that she sleeps when she takes care of her while the child has to entertain herself and this was before she was 1 ?! as in she could have fallen off the bed ?! she did several times too....

Answer 1

If she is still 17, your mom and dad have a very good chance of at least getting guardianship of the baby. If she is 18, they can try to sue her for custody. More than likely, if your sister cannot show she can support her baby, your parents may be awarded temporary custody. Now, just so you know, unless she is doing drugs and other awful things, she will still be able to retain some rights to her child, because after all, it is her child, even if she doesn't take care of her. Too bad we couldn't take away all the kids from the bad parents and give them to people who can't have kids, and would make wonderful parents. I sure wish we could! Good luck to your parents

Answer 2

So your sister had a baby at 17. She was just a kid when she had a kid. And you expect her to all of a sudden be an adult? It's not going to happen. From what I can gather from your email, you, your sister and the baby all still live with your parents. That's great, because the baby will know what it's like to have a loving family. However, unless and until your sister is grown enough to be a mother, the child will become more and more attached to the grandparents, and will eventually begin calling them mom and dad, and then maybe your sister will wake up and start to act like a mom. As far as custody goes, if your sister and the baby are living with your parents, why fight over custody? They all live in the same house, who cares who has "legal" custody of the child?

Answer 3

This kind of thing happens a lot with too young mothers. It seems like a great idea at the time.. ¨I´m going to have my baby¨ I will do blah blah blah.. then reality sets in. It is a hard job being a parent, it´s and even harder job being a good parent. Your sister is clearly a selfish, self centred little girl, who will one day regret her behaviour on many levels.
Let´s just hope your parents can continue caring for the child. It isn´t all that important that they adopt her, as long as they are looking after the child, the child may stand a chance.

Answer 4

I guess your parents were suppose to be a bit strict with your sister its good to know that your parents accepted the baby but your sister was suppose to be pushed towards schooling rather than work. Your parents were suppose to make a deal with your sister who got parent at 17 that they will let her stay with them as long as she is in school and the moment she is out of school she is on her own. But your parents didnt do that, thats where they went wrong and your sister took advantage of the situation. Now since they want to adopt the baby and she is not letting that to happen is cuz she will lose all the luxurious life she has.... your parents will become the legal parents of the baby and than once again your sister will have nothing and she is scared of that seems like... the baby is her defence.... in that case now is your parents turn to be strong and tell her if she is not going to go for adoption and not going to finish school than the doors are open.... trust me the way you say she is.. buying stuff for herself etc she wil lost a week out there on her own with the baby.... she will come crawing home to ask your parents to take her in and the baby than your parents better get the papers signed....from where i see the babys future is with our parents not with the mother.... she is doesnt even care for the child... i hope for the child sakes she comes to her sense and puts her for adoption!
Good luck.

Answer 5

If your sister wants to be her daughter's mom, she should start acting like her mother. Your parents should make your sister start taking responsibility of her daughter. If she doesn't want to let your parents take custody of the child or adopt her, she (your sister) should start paying for child care, food, clothing, Dr care, babysitting, she should have to take care of her when she's sick, teething and do everything for her a mother does for her child. Your parents should take the responsibility of raising her and caring for her just so your sister can come and go and she wishes to do. If she thinks that saying she's a mother makes her a mother, she's so wrong. Hope your parents shows her what being a real mother is like.

Answer 6

Your sister needs to grow up. She obviously should not have been sexually active because she is so irresponsible. Your parents should petition the court for custody of your niece. They are obviously the better caregivers for this child. While they are in the process of petitioning to get custody, your parents need to make your sister move out of the family home. She apparently thinks she's achieved "adult status" so she needs to be out on her own acting like an adult - but without the baby. It appears your sister merely sees the baby as an object that belongs to her. She is not seeing this baby as a human life that needs nurturing and care. In fact, I hope your sister doesn't have any pets either. She sounds like a very immature child who is incapable of taking care of anything except her own personal gratification.

Answer 7

Okay, here is what I think, your sister doesn't want to give up her baby, because if she does, she will no longer be getting the free ride, plus she will loose the money from the child support. If your parents really want to do this, they can take her to court for a custody trial, and prove that your sister is an unfit mother. Or as an alternative, they can do what my mom did, they can propose that they take temporary custody until your sister decides to grow up. This worked for my mom, for about 3 years, and when my sister decided she was finally ready to grow up and take responsibility, my mom was happy to return my nephew.

Answer 8

Yes that's selfish. it seems like she only think of herself instead of her daughter. She is taking advantage of your parents, because she knows you parents will take care of the baby. She don't understand that her life has changed, she can't just do whatever she did in the past anymore. She should take responsibility and step up and be a mother. She don't want to admit it. If she don't step up, then yes, it would be better if your parents adopted the baby.

I'm answering this from experience of the similar situation

Answer 9

Your parents and sister need to explore all options. They actually have rights as Grandparents. I saw a book in the library called "Grandparent's rights". Do they have a lawyer? I will tell you what they are doing for your sister now is the ABSOLUTE WORST thing they can do. What will happen to her if something happens to them? If you sister is taking advantage of it all, then she is abusing them, (there are laws about elderly abuse too), and they are doing a disservice to her. She will never stand on her own if they are willing to carry her everwhere. That is called enabling.
I have seen it, something happens to them and she is on the street or at a homeless shelter. She needs to learn alot and fast if she wants to take care of her daughter. Your parents need to call CPS. Your sister could take the kid anytime and might be threatening them with doing such a thing. Would it be good for the kid? NO!!!!!!
CPS can also give guidance on family couseling. Your family can benefit from it.

Answer 10

This situation is not all that uncommon. One thing is for sure, regardless of who the child's biological mother is, the child has bonded to the grandparents and they will be her true parents. Your sister is using her child as a tool to control your parents. To answer your question... of course your sister is being selfish, as usual. Everything is about her, someone should take her down a notch or two.