tell me 3 good jokes and take 10 points......(you gt 2 days)?

Question

hurry!

Answer 1

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."


2.A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?""Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horriblelanguage...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!""Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?""Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!""Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON

3.A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!""Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave.On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!""I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

Answer 2

Ok
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh!t."

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is
for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at
me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then
says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in
shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I
know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
could blow the crap out of him."

There was 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a pyramid. they read a tablet that said "this is the pyramid of 100 steps. if you

get to the top of it, you will get what you've wanted all your life. but be warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again."

so the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

the red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.

then the blonde got to the 99th step and laughed. then the guy who was going to tell the joke said "why did you laugh, i didnt tell the joke yet." then the blonde said "i know, i laughed because i just got the first joke!"

X-----------------X

Answer 3

Why do ducks have webbed feet....to stomp out forest fires.....why do elephants have big flat feet....to stomp out flaming ducks.

One day, an elephant was walking and caught a thorn in her foot...she couldnt get it out and was in pain. An ant came by and saw her pain and said I could take out the thorn but you gotta let me put my thing in your ***. The elephant thought of how small is thing must be so she agreed. The thorn was removed and then he climbed on top and behind and began going to work. A monkey, sitting on the tree next to them, watched and laughed. The monkey threw a coconut at the elephant, and it hit her right on her head. "Ouch" she cried. The ant then replied..."Take it all, dammit".

Hey, did you hear about the guy who didn't know the difference between sperm and urine?....he didn't know whether he was coming or going!!!

.....was that good enough for 10?. Good luck in your search !

Answer 4

Did you hear- Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he had ever read.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge addresses Mickey. "It says here in your papers, you think Minnie is crazy". Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fcking Goofey!"

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers.

Answer 5

joke no.1 i think u can play chess
joke no.2 i think i can play chess
joke no.3, let's find 2 more to play doubles!!!!

Answer 6

my dog peed on my leg while i was peeing.....
my girlfriend's *** got stuck in the cummod last night....


wat is the similarity between superman amd myself??????
both of us dont have underwear

Answer 7

1) knock knock... whos there?.. yo... yo who?.. yo mamma! :))

2) knock knock... whos there?.. bum... bum who?.. bum bum! :))

3) knock knock... whos there?.. answer... answer who?.. answer the door or I will punch you! :))

(c) copyright

Answer 8

3 good jokes. 10 points please?