Is it wrong for my fiancee to continue being "friends" with ex-husband?

Question

My fiancee always talks to her ex online and she tells me that she will always be friends with him because he made her the person she is today. I am finding it difficult to continue our relationship as there is not a day that goes past where she does not interject her husband into the conversation somehow. I dont him in the picture at all. I find it hard to understand how a marriage can fail and yet they stil be close friends. Would I be over-reacting If I asked her to stop it?

No Kids involved. Married for 5 years.

Answer 1

do they have kids together?? did she leave him or he leave her??
if they have kids he will be in her life until they are 18 and its better for them to "get along" then fight. if he left her chances are she is still in love with him and is not ready for him to be out of her life. It is YOUR job as the new boyfriend/husband/partner to help her realize why they broke up in the first place. tell her that it hurts you when she talks about him.take her out on night drives to look at houses that you two might buy when the time is right, take her out for a drive, romantic dinner, turn off the internet and buy her a pad of paper and some stamps and tell her that if she wants to talk to people to write her mother/father/aunt/uncle/friends. when she talks about him tell her YOU are not interested in what she has to say about him and that you would rather she not talk about him in front of you.

if this continues or she ends up resenting you simply because she is not ready to drop her ex then she wasnt ready to get re- married and ended up wasting your time.

i wish you luck.

Answer 2

No. You are not overreacting. Your feelings are important here. You are about to be this woman's husband. The only and I repeat ONLY reason for your fiance to keep in constant daily contact with her husband is if the two have a child/children together. However, based on your question, it appears that she does not. Therefore, and I say this all the time, the emotional baggage that ensues by keeping in touch with an ex-partner can not only be draining to that individual, but sends mixed signals that the possibility of a future relationship could ensue, or that the two are not over each other. Please sit down with your fiance and inform her that you would like for her to end this "just friends" relationship that she has with her husband and begin focusing her energies towards your future marriage together. If she puts up an argument, remain calm and simply state to her that you feel it is in the best interest for your marriage that he is not in the picture. Stress to you fiance that your concerns stem from the fact that she may feel that she "owes" her ex-husband something because she stated "he made her te person she is today." Inform your fiance that she owes him nothing and remind her of the reasons for the divorce in the first place. Also, inform her that matters involving your relationship need to be discussed between the two of you, not your fiance and her ex-husband. If your fiance continues to remain steadfast in keeping a relationship with this man, I would suggest you stress to her that you do not see a future with the three of you, only you and her. If she does not back down at this point, I suggest you take some time alone to really evaluate this relationship. Did she divorce and begin dating you right away? Could you have been a rebound relationship to her? Is she having feelings for her ex-husband? Should you call off the engagement and give her a deadline to end the relationship. Write a list of possible consequences and actions. Again, you are completely right in your desire to have her end this relationship. Sometimes, when we have a discussion with our partners, we will second guess ourselves as they present their argument. However, remain steadfast and let her know exactly how you feel. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

Be glad that there is no hate between the 2, it could cause more probs. than you realize.... when hate or dislike is there it can also over run into every relationship your fiancee has after the fact.... but, on the other hand, you do have a right to *ask* her to limit the contact with her ex., if it makes you uncomfortable in any way..... you need to sit down and talk all this out..... hear her side, really HEAR, and then tell her your feelings on the subject...... NO getting angry over it or blame or accusations!! just simple, from the heart talk...... if you are at the stage of wanting to call it all off, maybe you should look deeper at the reasons ????it does not sound like she has tried to hide anything from you !!!!! God bless

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with being the third person in bed. I was wondering if you and I could become close boosom buddies. You can sleep over my house while your fiancee has chats . I am beginning to like you more with every keystroke. Just tell your fiancee that you are visiting an old friend . I tell you for sure , I think we knew each other in a former life . I feel it boosom buddy. We may even have been married.

Whoops - I thought you were the woman - wow - it's your future wife I really am feeling should stay over my house. You go take a cold shower.

Answer 5

If they had any children together they will have an eternal bond. She may find it necessary to stay in close touch with him because of the children.

If they didn't have any children together, perhaps part of what she's saying is true and she feels some sort of obligation to him.

Some people are very forgiving and she may be one of them.
It sounds more like she may not be not over him yet. Personally, I would not enjoy having my husband talk about his ex-wife every single day. Every 6 months is plenty!! LOL

You seriously need to rethink your future with this woman. You're in the beginning stages of a relationship and one should be devoting more time and energy to the present relationship not the past. I would not ask her to stop talking to him. I think you may already have your answer.

Answer 6

you are bound to get cheated on. might aswell end it or give her an altematum. if she is willing to devote her life to you, she could start by dropping her ex-husband. The only reason why i ever kept my exgirlfriends around was just incase if i needed a rebound and because i was still attracted to them. Listen man, if she cant let him go, then let her go. you are digging yourself a grave! Ive been there but not with marriage; only with serious dating relationships. Ive been on both ends. I'll tell you, there is definetely something still there between them. Disregard her stupid arguments, thats all a cover up to keep him close. Have you ever thought maybe thats the reason they ended? Some women never seem to find one man enough. Put your foot down and kick her out if you have to. Dont settle for her pity or irrelivant reasons.

Answer 7

Well I have come in contact with a couple who the wife was friends with her ex-husband and guess what? Her new husband killed himself and his suicide letter pretty much stated that he thought they were still messing around...So no, I don't think you are wrong.
Do they have children together? If so, that's the only thing they really need to be talking about, but be careful because if you ask her to stop, she might tell you she did and just start to hide it from you.

Answer 8

NO...you wouldn't be over-reacting if you asked her to stop. I don't see a problem with her being friends with her ex, but if she is constantly talking to him, or continually talking about him....forget it! And the part where "he made me what I am today" is a bunch of BS. If she cared about your feelings, she'd understand right where you're coming from. YOU are her fiancee'....and if she doesn't care what you're feeling now, it sure won't be any easier after you are married. Be careful with this one!

Answer 9

I absolutely do not welcome ANY men from my woman's past. No way. Not ever. You are right to be concerned, she is holding a reservation in case you two don't work out. She needs to cut her ties with him unless they have had children. Tell her that under no circumstances will you stand still for any contact from him. NONE. If she resists, then I feel that you should move on. Sorry, but I don't like to see people get hurt or waste their time with people who are too selfish. I urge you to use your discretion when talking to her, I am too blunt for a lot of women.

Answer 10

You knew he had a foot fetish, so once you've been "teasing" him, you've been actually flirting, which grew to develop right into a seduction to him. Now you're pregnant with the baby of a guy who for sure does no longer prefer to be married to you. info... no judgements to be made right here... up to now. in case your ex is blaming you, remind him that it replaced into his selection to settle on your grant and that you probably did not rape him. he's as to blame on your toddler as you're. definite, snoozing with him replaced into probable no longer your maximum appropriate flow, even worse-unprotected? although, what's performed is performed and also you've were given to flow on from this element--the mistakes were made, now you both could manage it.