Fiance still talks with ex. This bothers me... am I just paranoid?

Question

We've been together for three years now. She dated this guy for a little while when she was maybe 16 (six years ago). They keep in touch sporadically, and just recently got together for dinner. Nothing happened, and I don't expect it ever would. I trust my fiance completely, so it's not me thinking she's going to cheat on me with him. It's just kind of uncomfortable for me... I guess it feels like she's taking time that she could spend with me and giving it to him. I don't go running around with other girls, and expect that I should be the only guy in her life. So, I guess the question (questions, heh) comes down to:

1) Am I being overly paranoid/protective?
2) It's not mistrust, and I can't put a finger on what it is. Any insights?
3) How do I deal? (no card jokes, please)
4) Is it normal to keep in contact with exes? I'm of the mindset where one should make a clean break and disassociate completely.

I guess that's it... thanks for reading! That's all 1000 chars!!!

Answer 1

1) Not at all.

2) Instinct. No males in the animal kingdom will let any other male to associate with his female. What, you're not an animal?
Okay, so we're a little more evolved than that. But considering that you feel deprived of her attention and time, it's a valid reason to feel slighted.

3) Tell her only about how her speaking with her ex makes you feel. Don't say anything about how wrong she is or what a dork her ex is, and etc. She must know how you feel inside without you or her getting defensive or judgemental. Your feelings should not be a secret to come between you two. You're seething and at the same time, feeling guilty for not being a man enough to tolerate her male acquaintance. This is not a
positive feeling to harbor alone. Once you communicate how you feel about her talking to her ex, she will understand how valid and right you are and should stop doing what makes you ill at ease.

4) Disassociate away! I completely agree with you. Personally, I tear up all my ex's pictures and leave no trace of them lying about, a courtesy to my husband to spare him of thoughts you are experiencing.

Answer 2

Personally, I would not like my fiance spending time with an ex. There is a history of past feelings there and I would not like to invite the slightest possibility of rekindling those feelings. Time spent alone would provide this opportunity.

That being said, I think that sometimes people would like to maintain those former relationships on a friendly basis, which can be understandable. I have friends that have successfully navigated the ex into friends waters. So, is it reasonable for your fiance to spend time with her ex?

My thought would be, if you are comfortable, yes, but I would suggest that YOU spend time with that ex too. I would want to be present whenever my fiance was going to see the ex- after all if it is a "just friends" type of relationship, then what would be the problem with you all hanging out together?

If your fiance, or the ex, doesn't like this idea, then perhaps you are right to be not feeling quite right about the situation.

Answer 3

1* No, feeling nothing towards her meeting with him would raise a few questions, but you're safe.You love her.It's normal.
2*It's being afraid of losing her.Normal feeling.
3*Letting her meet him and talk to him is a good way to deal with it.If you trust her, that's the only way to ever make sure she won't leave you for another man.If it ever comes to more than that , then she wasn't the right one for you.If shes faithfull, than you have nothing to worry about in the future.
4*.No.Depends on how close they were in the past.But I'd say she needs a back up in case you and her decide to break up and she needs him.But I'm only assuming that, so it's best to just ask her what of him still makes her want to see him and talk to him that you don't have .Maybe she's not as ready to commit as you are.

Answer 4

If you trusted her the way you say you do, you wouldn't have all of these questions and thoughts going through your head. Ex's can be friends, even best friends. Trusting her 100% means being comfortable when she goes to dinner with someone or if she talks on the phone with a co-worker. You gotta have trust and communication in order for a relationship to work! Good luck!

Answer 5

Dont let her think that your jealous and yes you could be overly paranoid, they could be just enjoying each other's company. but somehow let her know that your uncomfortable with her staying in contact with her ex. Dont make it a big issue! is she loves you and afraid of losing you, she will respect you wishes.

Answer 6

my friend broke up w/ her first love

first sex and all

there were together all of the 8th grade year

he was a as$s to her and she knew it but loved him still

he was not hot @ all

but she loved

him

when they broke up in the summer b4 9th grade

he was balling ( crying) and getting stoned all the time

he called her all the time

she talked becuase she still loved him but he was being a AS$

to her



theyh still talk and get togethr once in a while but it is just becuase they are friends

friends then

bf abd gf

then friends again

Answer 7

If you trust her and if you think nothing will happen then its fine some ex 's still remain friend. Find you a female friend if she makes a big fuss about it then she's proberly guilty.

Answer 8

paranoid no,overprotective, yes.You feel that she is cheating by just talking to another guy,but by doing this you are pushing her way,part of love is trust.You need to remember she chose to marry you not him,she's making a comitment to you not him.She chose you.You need to deal with it by talking to her,this is the only way to deal,you need to share your feelings.Sometimes people our friends before they date,so they stay friends after they breakup,it just depends on the way the breakup went.Talk to her.

Answer 9

Its not necessarily a good thing. Let her know that your uncomfortable but don't sound controling.

Answer 10

Dump him and marry my brother, he needs a good wife.