a Single Mom-44 yrs, educated, funny, a few extra pounds due to condition. Condition is curable, but it is a serious fix and could have it's own complications. I could never, NOT tell a person who cared about me enough to want to marry me about this but would this be to scary for the guy to follow thru? I'd like to hear what the guys think please.
2006-06-19 16:48:58 · 18 answers · asked by Susen Z 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm still active, you couldn't tell I have a condition unless I told about it.
2006-06-19 17:02:26 · update #1
Most men would still marry a woman who had a possible terminal illness. Other men would run for the hills. It depends upon his devotion to you and it also depends upon how he views losing you.
(I'm a woman answering this question) The reason I'm answering is because I have several potentially terminal illnesses. I had 1 BF for 6 years and finally realized he wasn't truly devoted. I realized that he was never there when I needed him, but no matter what, I was ALWAYS there for him. So I ended the relationship.
I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life and decided that I wanted to be alone. However, a year later, as fate would have it, I met this wonderful man who loved me even though I had several illnesses. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Had I married the 1st one, it would have been a disaster!!
If the man truly loves you and can handle the stresses of illness, he'll marry you no matter what. If he doesn't marry you, count your blessings.
2006-06-19 17:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by Healthnut 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love has no boundaries. If the right partner comes along, medical condition before marriage should be a consideration but never a limitation. At the end of the day, even if the guy is the best of match for a life partner, if your condition is a limiting factor to a marriage from his point of view then it is so; if not, then both of you will go into marriage with the right attitude and love for each other.
Best way forward is to have the person as a friend to know and love, show him that you can manage yourself and share your medical condition with him as a life condition which you can independently handle and not a handicap in need of an emotional or financial crutch. Whatever extra support he then brings into the marriage will then be a bonus as opposed to an 'expectation' to be burdened on him or an 'apology' to be burdened on you.
2006-06-19 16:56:20 · answer #2 · answered by Son of Gap 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are people out there who are cold hearted and mean, but there are also honest, caring men out there, trust me I am one of the few.
There are *men* out there who see you for who you are and not what you look like, or what condition you may have.
Telling him about this condition up front might scare a lot of them off right away, but that is a choice that is up to you. I personally would wait until after the first few dates, get a feel for them. After a few dates, if they are turned off and changed by this by the knowledge of this fatal disease you can do better anyhow!
2006-06-19 16:57:08 · answer #3 · answered by Gary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i'm not a guy but i would think it would depend on the guy and how much he loved you and if his love was true or not you would think that a man that was true would jump at it because he would want to be with you and make you happy for the rest of the time that you have and it would be easier for you to go through if you had someone to support you. i think only a weak man would run. i also think some would have to do with the illness and the effects it had on you (not weight gain though) more serious effects it might be hard for him to just watch what is happening to you without being able to do anything to help you...doesn't mean he doesn't love you but a man wants to feel like he's strong like he's a protector and if he can't protect you from what's happening to you it might make him feel like less of a man somehow...i dunno, but, i hope you find or have already found the right man to marry you. i don't know what your illness is but you have my prayers and best wishes for a FULL and speedy recovery. good luck and God bless!!
2006-06-19 17:00:03 · answer #4 · answered by *steelers* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a close loving relationship as the first priority, it won't matter to a quality man who wants the same with you. It will be a factor and will come into play with most major decisions, but it won't be a deal breaker for a man who wants you.
Be warned that if your intentions are not first for a relationship, it will come out. Meaning, if you want a father to care for your child or someone to provide financial security as the first priority, it will come out and the deception will damage the relationship maybe to the parting of ways level.
On another note, if you are up front and you both want a person to provide financial security as the first priority and everyone knows it up front, that could work too.
You have to be honest with yourself and with him. That's what makes it work.
2006-06-19 16:51:35 · answer #5 · answered by Ken C. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i was 26 yrs old i was diagnosed with cancer, i was in a serious relationship and didn't know how to tell him. one day i didn't wake up and he called 911 i was rushed to the hospital and the doctor told him that the cancer had spread. i really thought that when i got home from the hospital he would be gone, instead when i got home i found a dozen roses, candle lite dinner and a diamond ring. he said that he wanted to spend the rest of my life with me and if we weren't going to have alot of time we needed to start living now. 2 months later we married and have been together ever since. they are out there so don't give up and good luck.
2006-06-19 16:54:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the man. Some are noble, and if they love you, they will stay. Others are cowards, and shy away from providing the even the smallest gestures of support, such as accompanying you to the doctor, listening to you when you talk about your doctor appointments, or providing a shoulder to cry on when you are scared.
2006-06-19 16:53:54 · answer #7 · answered by smewth-e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one, there are some guys that would do that but i wouldnt count on finding very many. Not to be disrepectful but why would you want to marry a guy when you are that sick? I would think you need to focus on the treatment not meeting a guy to marry.
2006-06-19 16:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by sv6rider69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah I think it would be, I think the guy would have to have a good hold on his emotions and as most guys don't I think you would have a hard time finding one. Though they are out there I really wouldn't expect to find one in a bar or on a campus. there is someone for everyone.
2006-06-19 16:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by Joshua G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be tough, and I'd want to know IMMEDIATELY, before the relationship, but it certainly wouldn't keep me from marrying a woman.
2006-06-19 16:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by czekoskwigel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋